Category Archives: You’ve Got Guests

I’m still away but I have a little cache of stories almost filled to the brim and almost ready to share with the world. Lot’s of swearing and random flights up and down the Atlantic and a Buddhist funeral and cupcakes! Meanwhile continue to enjoy these lovely ladies and I will be back with really funny stories about how many grey goose martinis is too many grey goose martinis. Hint: When everything is in bokeh. 

Hello, dear readers.  I’m Slynnro, from the delightfully entertaining blog, Slynnro, where I write about my husband, my love of J. Crew, and my disdain for pretty much everything else.  Obviously, that last one is why Heather and I are perfect for each other as friends.  I’ve only written one guest post before, but it seems par for the course is to write some lengthy diatribe on how great the author of the blog for which you are guest posting for is, what a great friend!  What a fantastic writer!  I thought about that for about a half a second or so, and then it occurred to me!  This isn’t my blog!  I can write shit on here I can’t write on my own blog!  And so it came to be that I wrote a post about my mother and my mother in law, and what joys they are in my life.

In lieu of gushing about how great Heather is for a full page, I will say this instead- she is a fantastic person to call with your complaints.  I called her several times this past month, prior to the election, to vent about my red state.  Or more particularly, by Red Mother.  The most memorable call to Heather was the one that followed the particular conversation I am about to relay to you.

As just a bit of background information, my mother is a lifelong Republican, Rush Limbaugh’s Number One Fan!  A raging Dittohead!  Bill O’Reilly devotee!  You get the idea.

On October 30:

Mother:  So, I just wanted to call you and talk about something I saw on the news (I think it’s safe to assume it was Fox News).  Have you voted yet?

Slynnro:  Yes, I have, so if this is about the election, or Obama or Sarah Palin or John McCain, you can stop.

Mother:  Well, there’s something you need to know….(proceeds to tell me something I don’t actually need to know, likely based entirely in mistruths from the mouths of lunatics).

Slynnro:  Mom, I’m not voting for McCain.  Or Sarah Palin.  She’s crazy.  And I would never vote for an Evangelical Christian, so drop it.

Mother:  But you’d vote for a Muslim?

Slynnro:  A:  He’s not a Muslim.  B:  Yes, I would vote for a Muslim.

Mother:  But you wouldn’t vote for a Christian?

Slynnro:  Not what I said, EVANGELICAL Christian.  Their religious beliefs affect their policy too much, and I’m pro-choice.  I would befriend an Evangelical.  I would not vote for them.

Mother:  Would you vote for an atheist?

Slynnro:  Considering I married one, yes, I would vote for an atheist.

Mother:  But without god in their lives, atheists are completely lacking in moral code!  How will they know what to do?  (Interesting point:  My parents have never gone to church.)

Slynnro:  So, what you are saying is that my husband doesn’t have a moral code?  He’s likely to maybe go on a killing rampage because WHY THE HELL NOT?

Mother:  I just don’t know.  Maybe. 

Because marrying her daughter isn’t enough to get my husband the benefit of the doubt about this whole “not being a murderer” thing.  And that is how I learned that apparently my husband has murderous potential and the only reason my mother isn’t a murderer is her divine code of ethics.  Because those are the conclusions her logic lends itself to.

And then there is my mother-in-law.  Last year, my husband and myself were planning on spending Thanksgiving day with my family.  This is because we spent a week on vacation with his family during the Christmas prior.  Because our families live miles apart, we were planning on spending the Friday after Turkey Day with his parents.  BUT THAT IS NOT ENOUGH FOR MIL! NO!  SHE MUST HAVE HER PRECIOUS BABY! She decided to take it upon herself to invite my family to her house for Thanksgiving without telling me first, and then proceeded to dis-invite my entire family after I suggested that perhaps in the future she should tell me before doing such a thing.  She took it a bitchy step further by refusing to acknowledge me when we did come over on Friday.  But over the course of the year, while lacking any apologies, the residual anger over the situation seemed to resolve.

So, this year, the plan was for us to spend Thanksgiving Day with them and Friday with my parents.  (FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT MARRY ANYONE WHO’S PARENTS LIVE WHERE YOUR PARENTS LIVE)  One would think that after the debacle that was Thanksgiving 2007 that everyone would try their hardest to smooth things over. But, au contraire, foolish married couple!  Because the in-laws recently called and told us that they instead got tickets to a football game, so we were out of luck for Thanksgiving dinner and should “probably make other plans.”

So between these two things, I am just dying to go home for the holidays.  And how about you?  What is the most ridiculous shit your family has pulled in relation to Turkeys and Baby Jesus?  I am dying for a soul to commiserate with.