“My love waits there in San Francisco, above the blue and windy sea,
When I come home to you, San Francisco, your golden sun will shine for me.” – Frank Sinatra
I’ve always had a ‘thing’ for California. It’s so far away which gives it this allure that makes me sigh longingly when thinking of its vastness and all that it has to offer. Which is why, several years ago, I had the grand idea to go to graduate school at Berkeley, because the Bay area seemed so inviting with it’s rolling hilly streets and the water, oh, the water.
All weekend, California has been giving me this come hither look. Even when it was 102 degrees in Sacramento and I thought my face would melt off and sweat seeped through every item of clothing I had on. Even when BART took 479 hours and I fell on slippery west coast streets, I was at ease. There’s just something about this place that makes me want to wrap my arms around it and say “Ok, whatever you want, baby”. Possibly because of it’s unfamiliarity and the distance from anything I’ve ever known. For I am a straight up East coast, latte-drinking, liberal who likes the Cape and wears argyle and Ralph Lauren. Not a dot-com, meta working from home on my MacBook pro, creative type. But oh, the Bay area just has ‘It’. I’m not sure what ‘it’ is, but if the Bay area were to tell me to sit naked in a hot tub, I totally would do it.
I’m growing ever more acceptable to the notion of change and adapting to new surroundings and perhaps moving across the country would give me a new perspective on life or at least a good lesson in geography. And San Francisco, well now that you’ve made the first move, with your rampant kamikaze shots and fresh mint mojitos and wonderfully, pretty people, I suppose the ball is in my court. And it probably doesn’t help when I continue to hear Stacy’s voice saying, “Move here, you know you want to do it. Do it.” Alas there I still time and California, I am surely not done with you yet, but if you keep having the Bay area wink and smile slyly at me (surely not fooling anyone), then it is so on.


















Just short of perfect
“Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.” ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
I almost didn’t go to California because the stress that I’ve been under has turned all brain matter into something resembling lumpy brownie mix. Things have been sloshing around up there without respite or a sign of abatement. Thus my only recourse would be to say maybe next time I will come visit. Next time being some arbitrary moment when my bedroom doesn’t look like Riyadh or when I’ve had more than 37 seconds to think about something other than work. But there is always that ‘something’ because those things never go away, those constant irritants that are always there and lurking and prohibiting one from being able to fully enjoy their surroundings and be engaging.
I needed this trip. Right now, at this juncture in my life, I need to be full of clichés and trite phrases about loving things and people and those warm fuzzy thoughts that normally make me wretch. I must say that from the moment Abigail put together an itinerary knowing full well my love for food and wine and shopping, that this would be wonderful and it was. It was the simplicity of it all, a walk on the beach, a dinner with friends and the conversation that make me unable to put the ‘good’ into words. I can say that there isn’t one minute I’d change about this weekend. Not even the part where I ate three cupcakes from Sprinkles thus giving my thighs their own zip code.
Being completely unapologetic in my need to be complimented and told that I’m doing something well despite the neverending feelings of imperfection. There are times when I need to be told that my writing isn’t complete shit or that being in the midst of writing a book proposal doesn’t make people keel over from the possible vapid nature and ennui inducing shit I’m capable of writing. There are times when I need to feel inspired and to be around like-minded funny and smart people is a nice little jolt. Most importantly, there are times when I need to be told that my cleavage looks great and perfectly firm. Which, for the record, beats almost any compliment about my writing.
Nothing was ever wrong, but this trip made me feel better.