“The dress must not hang on the body but follow its lines. It must accompany its wearer and when a woman smiles the dress must smile with her.” ~Madeleine Vionnet
Before I get into the lovely and magic of a month of weddings, I’ll instead bore you with the details of what I wore. Actually, that might be one of the best parts of the wedding season, which would be doing it up and then some. For a girl with a giant ass, I sure do enjoy the putting together of outfits and the perfect pieces. You’d think that it was a regular occasion but you’d be wrong. For example, right now I’m wearing a t-shirt that just happened to be clean, my only skirt that wasn’t a wrinkled mess and my hair in this messy bun thing so that the curls don’t find their way into my eyeballs. I repeat; I am the epitome of sexy. That said, it took me weeks to decide on what to wear to two vastly different weddings. One more formal than the other but both leaving me with that feeling of satisfaction that two people could not be more perfect as an Us. So, I went off what I knew of these four people and how each audience would react to my accessorizing. Why do I worry about these things when I am not the bride? Because wedding photos last forever and in ten years, I’d like to be able to see these photos in a wedding album without thinking “I’ve got child-birthing hips”. That’s why.
Onward.
Wedding #1
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
A formal wedding for Liz and Michael that involved a sit-down dinner (there was bacon in my mashed potatoes), a mass and The Eucharist.
Necklace: Lou Lou, a lovely boutique colleagues introduced me to in Dupont Circle. It’s become one of my new favorite pick-me-up places. Ladies, you know what I mean: you’re having a shitty day and you need just a little something to perk up your spirits. Something that doesn’t have any calories is even better.
Hair: I love when people ask me how I got my hair to do ‘that’. Um, it came like that.
Dress: Martin & Osa – pours one out – maxi dress of joy. It’s jersey knit gown that is the most comfortable thing in the world. The only way it could be better is if it had pockets but jersey knit and pockets don’t go together.
Shoes: Steve Madden. I was worried about the height of the shoes with the length of the dress but it ended up hitting at just the right spot. Please be aware that I didn’t spend the entire evening in these shoes or else I’d be typing this with my leg in traction. I ended up changing into a pair of Tieks during dinner.
Feedback from a fellow guest and dear friend: “You look amazing and really happy”. I looked happy because primer makes the world go round and keeps me having that joyful dewy look.
Wedding #2
Location: Berkeley, California
A casual wedding for Leah and Simon that involved their living room furniture, a taco truck (I had a burrito) and the bride – in denim no less – mingling among the guests right before the ceremony.
Dress: J.Crew. It was on sale and fit perfectly and didn’t show off my boobies. Con: I felt like my ass was hanging out all night but guess what? No one noticed the length because…
Brooch: ….they were all focused on my giant fluffy brooch courtesy of Shop Bando. This is hands down one of my favorite accessory purchases ever. I’m running out of adjectives for this thing because it truly made the outfit. You should get one, too.
Cardigan: J.Crew. I liked the green, yellow and pink combination.
Shoes: Banana Republic. I needed flats because the dress was so short. I only wish I had worn my gold flats instead (also from J.Crew) but, eh, whatever.
Feedback from everyone and their mother: “WHERE’D YOU GET THAT PIN?!”
What I Wore: Altitude Design Summit
Should you decide to attend a conference of primarily design, fashion and style bloggers, it would behoove you to dress the part. You don’t have to go as far as the top knot, stripy shirt, red lipstick, statement necklace and vintage Buddy Holly glasses but, you know, pretend. Or at least I did. Though looking back at some of my outfits it was more like Trryyyyyyyying! Whoops! Too hard! Go back!
A few weeks before the conference I paired a plain black dress with purple tights, stacked black patent leather heels and a chain link statement necklace. I didn’t think it was terribly exciting as I spent the day scrolling through Alts of years past and I knew what I would be up against in the fashion department. But, I shit you not, people were mesmerized by the purple tights. Like they’d never seen a 64 box of crayons or something. Then there was the day that I wore a muted orange a-line corduroy skirt, Frye boots, and an olive green 3/4 sleeve v-neck and Former Roommate said – and I quote – “So…you just decided that that…goes together?” I spent the rest of that day staring in the mirror in the ladies’ room thinking that I might be color blind.
For the record it isn’t me – I mean, it probably is me in that I often can’t dress myself and then I’ll call Susan in a panic and she’s like “I’ve got two kids and a husband and a fucking job. Get out of here with that shit.” Except it’s Susan so she doesn’t say ‘shit’. Regardless it can be touch and go but sometimes I show up to the office wear pops of color and you’d think I just walked in with vomit on my clothes. No. IT’S JUST PINK, y’all. Keep it moving. The thing is that ti’s fun and I enjoy wearing adorable brooches on visits to legislators while everyone wears black. At least they’ll remember me.
So here’s what I wore to ALT. Full disclosure there’s no photo of the last day because I was too busy trying to keep snow from falling down my butt crack each time I bent down to buckle the strap on my snowboard. If you really want to know I wore a Columbia Jacket (you guys! the fleece part comes out and then there’s a separate shell and the hood comes off and it’s straight up mind-boggling) and REI snow pants that didn’t fit properly but what are ya gonna do? Every other day went something like this:
Wednesday Evening
Activity: Dinner with Deb and Laurie at a tapas bar. You know how first night of conferences are: everyone is pretty drunk on liquor and excitement so who cares what you were wearing just that you were huggable. (I’m looking at you Megan Reardon)
Top: Target. I saw it on Brittany first and then found it at the Target in Brooklyn which is a whole ‘nother story and oh my hell. Don’t ever do it.
Pants: Super Flares from the GAP
Wine glass: Grand America hotel. There’s a Beaujolais in there if you must know.
Nails: Done at the Grand America Spa. The color was called ‘Be Happy’. A perfect occasion if ever there was one.
Thursday Day
Activity: Conference stuff. People will see you in the daylight. Be prepared.
Jacket: Forever 21
Tunic: Forever 21
Jeans: GAP jeggings
Shoes (unseen): Gold pointy flats.
Thursday Evening
Activity: Dinner En Blanc. Have you ever tried to find white clothing in January? It was far more difficult than I expected but when it all came together in that ballroom it was magical. Quick story: As Holly and I approached the room the first thing out of her mouth was “Wow! There’s a lot of white people in here!” and I promptly died because it was Utah and there were a lot of white people and so she is very observant that one.
Top: GAP
Skirt: GAP. A flouncy, gold skirt with pockets. I die.
Headband: Forever 21 (you can’t see that it’s cream and gold weaved together but it is)
Pearls: Mikimoto
Giant fluffy pin: Shop Bando (I love, love, love that place)
Cobalt blue clutch: ASOS
Friday Day
Activity: Conferencing and Karen would be taking my photo so I just needed my top half to look OK. And it worked! Though I was conflicted about this outfit; it felt like too much but I was super comfy but I was totally trying, possibly over trying.
Top: GAP
Necklace: Anthropologie
Skirt: GAP. Again with the pockets.
Belt: Forever 21. I have no shame.
Tights: GAP
Boots: Bandolino via Endless
Friday Evening
Activity: Parties! Lots of parties! And I take notes of how different conferences do things in the event that I ever plan a conference. They were these adorable sponsored suite parties so you went from suite to suite – each with a different theme – chatted away and then went onto the next one. The Girls With Glasses whom I had not heard of until this conference did a full on French theme. Y’all, there was gelato AND and excessive amount of cheese and I was so happy. So. So happy. So much brie.
Dress: Forever 21
I know it’s a terrible photo but it was just a black belted dress with pockets. I wore blue suede wedges because I needed to be tall but comfortable. And if all else fails: Wear red lipstick. No one will really care what you’re wearing because they’ll be far too mesmerized by your luscious lips. It’s true. Try it.