Archive for the 'This side of the Hudson' Category

Slightly euphoric

January 20, 2008 | Filed under: Fotografias, This side of the Hudson, Whoopdie Doo

Right now it’s just the little things that are making me happy. Ho hum…

I

When in Rome

January 6, 2008 | Filed under: Invierno, The object of my obsession, This side of the Hudson

“There is a privacy about it which no other season gives you…. In spring, summer and fall people sort of have an open season on each other; only in the winter, in the country, can you have longer, quiet stretches when you can savor belonging to yourself.” ~Ruth Stout

My piss poor behavior in the presence of snow would lead one to believe that I’ve spent the majority of my life in Maui. Actually if that were true, the snow would be met with a little awe and wonder instead of pure disdain. The snow falls and my mood plummets to the darkest depths of despair while I think about the scraping and the shoveling and my inability to drive 70 mph without slamming into a guardrail. The first time it snowed I hung up on my mother and had to leave work four hours early so that I would have ample time to try and not die on my way home. All the while muttering, “I hate this fucking place and this shit” for 11 miles. I am such a breath of fresh air some days, I know.

At some point over the past weeks though my begrudging attitude towards the fluffy white stuff has abated to a mild dislike. I actually hummed the other day while shoveling my car out and didn’t complain once when it was 4 degrees even though I was sure that once I returned home, I’d be missing my nipples. Still! All was good. I suppose a brief “Come to Jesus” discussion with myself about how whining is unbecoming on a woman in her mid-20’s helped me to accept my fate. I live in Upstate New York where it will snow for five months straight. No amount of yelling or throwing up the middle finger towards drivers, who find turn signal usage superfluous during a snowstorm, will really change my current situation.

 

My parents are from the deep-south and if they can deal with snow then I surely can go five months without shrill whining about it. Though I think right now they’re debating whether or not to get my DNA tested for I have taken my whole ‘acceptance’ thing to a whole new level: I am OBSESSED with snowshoeing. It’s like when I spent hours trying to find my new camera I am now spending hours a day reading about how to HIKE in the fucking snow. I am so obsessed with the sport that a frown crept upon my face when I learned that it would be 60 degrees on Tuesday because then the snow would melt. The snow cannot melt it must be here and readily available for me to trek through. In fact I’m currently sitting here getting a little giddy (hence the rambling) about the next big snowstorm. Who cares about snow emergencies and digging my vehicle out of three feet of snow when the trails will be covered?? I told my mother all of this with such enthusiasm that she congratulated me and informed me that it would be a cold day in Hell before she ever went out there with me but is quite happy that I’m no longer blaming her for ubiquitous snowstorms and am instead facing them with joy.

 

What can I say? ‘When in Rome…’ and all that jazz. My new shoes arrive on Friday and I really couldn’t possibly be more thrilled.

The bane of my existence

December 13, 2007 | Filed under: Invierno, Sucks like a vacuum, This side of the Hudson

“Winter is nature’s way of saying, ‘Up yours.’” ~Robert Byrne

I got absolutely nothing done today. Every time I would open an email or clean off my desk or reach down to grab a pair of sandals that were still under my desk from like July; I would casually look outside and my chest would start heaving at the sight of the snow. There is a very funny thought in the minds of others that because I live and am from Upstate NY then of course I can handle driving in snow. Do I have experience watching others drive in snow? Yes, yes I do. Do I have experience driving myself 10 miles in roughly six inches of snow with fattest, fluffiest, most blindingly white flakes known to man? No, no I do not. Hence the white knuckled driving and need to take deep breaths and the panicked phone calls to my parents apprising them of the seven whole dollars in my bank account that they could totally have in the event of my untimely death.

 

If you ever want to become religious, drive in snow. You’ll start believing in God real quick when driving through snow as you think of things to ask for forgiveness on in exchange for making it two more miles. Today it was forgiveness for that time I called my middle school librarian a ‘fucking bitch’ and the time I stole a pack of lifesavers from Hannaford.

October

October 15, 2007 | Filed under: Fotografias, This side of the Hudson

“It was one of those perfect English autumnal days which occur more frequently in memory than in life” ~ P.D. James

As part of my quest to become reacclimated to Upstate NY, I did what any good New Yorker would do; I went apple picking. I also saw a dead turkey and almost hit a horse.

Welcome home.

Judgment

September 26, 2007 | Filed under: Comes And Goes, This side of the Hudson

“There are no facts, only interpretations.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche

I’m from a ridiculously small town. And I’m not saying this as a pretentious Washingtonian with a crackberry stuck up my ass, while I recite the names of all the members of Congress that have breathed within seven inches of me. I’m saying this as a person who lived in a town complete with cow tipping, horse farms and bigots (oh my!).

I sound judgmental and full of disdain but this is a natural reaction to being forced to sit for two hours in town court along with a 19 year old in handcuffs because he threatened two 15 year olds with an aluminum baseball bat. Threatening high school freshman, trespassing at the local middle school and stealing from the mall are all the really exciting things to do. Nothing says fun like stealing a cheap paisley print, polyester shirt from JCPenney only to match it with a pair of sparkly pinstriped black pants from the ten-dollar rack at Express. Add a dash of country apple body spray from Bath and Body Works and acrylic nails and you’ve got about 20% of the girls I went to high school with.

I was incredibly pissy for the duration of Monday. Though it really had nothing to do with who I was seated with and the type of crimes – a word I’m using rather loosely because ‘parking on the pavement’ isn’t a crime, it’s called being resourceful when finding a parking spot – that were committed, but because I was there for a ‘lane violation’. I’d tell you what a ‘lane violation’ is but I’m not sure of the specifics except that if some asshole speeds up when you’re changing lanes and slams into your bumper it’s totally your fault since the motherfucker totally came out of nowhere.

I started thinking about how incredibly disgruntle I was on Monday afternoon, Monday evening and Tuesday morning after I had given away $100 to the town of East Bumblefuck, New York for a violation that wasn’t even my fault. I had been stewing about it and then getting angrier even when I was told to cheer up and that I should have worn something with more cleavage, because I hate wasting my time and I hate being from a place where there is really nothing better to do than have residents come to court for a speeding ticket and/or steal from TJMaxx. More shockingly I really hate that I was this judgmental and that in the past six years there has been more than one occasion during which I proclaimed myself ‘too good for this place’. Not completely out of disdain but because I feel the need to be separated from the things that drove me insane for most of my life. Separated from the boredom and the bigotry and the fact that I once thought that nothing was better than JCPenney.

I’m going through some weird phase right now and that has taken over in the insanity department hence the introspection, judgment and lack of Holy fuck, I got DRUNK last night, talk.

This weekend I’ll get drunk and then maybe I’ll be willing to discuss that other time that I went to court. That time that I came to find out that they’re totally serious about the whole “No drinking and/or purchasing of alcohol until you’re 21 years of age” law. Yeah, that’s a good story.