“I’m not ashamed at all about dating a married man. It’s just a legal thing. It’s just a piece of paper.” – Kim Zolciak
Ladies, ladies, ladies, when will you learn that arguing in public for all to see isn’t the best way to solve things? (Says the girl who just had it out with someone over Twitter) (there’s a first and only time for everything) (ahem).
Also when will Sheree be surgically removed from her high horse? Then again I speak of women who have given their blood, sweat, tears and dirty laundry for success that all the world can see. So if they don’t care then I shouldn’t care, right? Right.
WTF:
5) I do not have a great body so I probably wouldn’t show my body on national television. Cori has some balls of steel under that teeny tiny bikini.
4) The beginning stages of Sheree’s party planning process (say that three times fast) was far more interesting than the actual party.
This makes me want to yell out “WHO’S GONNA CHECK ME, BOO?” and/or “YO MAMA’S A BITCH” because it’s always sunny in Atlanta and 1998.
3) Denene!
I met Denene after my ‘Marketing and Women of Color’ room at BlogHer. I will also be speaking at a conference where she will also be speaking which begs one to figure out how a real life author and I – the Twitter fighter – ended up speaking at a conference. I am not sure. But seeing as how this conference will be held in Atlanta there will be stalking involved and fondling of my telephoto lens because I’m sure it will come in handy when traipsing through Buckhead. I wonder if Denene can be bribed to tell me all about NeNe and the show. Do you think chocolate will work? Wine?
2) Kandi and Lisa do a performance of The Pocketbook Monologues. Legend has it – well ‘legend’ if you are the writer/director – that black women call the “triangle between their thighs” their ‘Pocketbook’. I have no clue whether or not this is true for if I were to discuss anything below the waist with my aunts or mother I’m sure that they would take to their bed. The writer/director was correct in that black people really don’t talk about sex all that often. I’m supposed to be a Scorpio! It makes it hard for me to live out my sign to the fullest.
Also poor Lisa who just wants to refer to it as her twat. I like how she throws in the arms for extra oomph.
After the performance Dwight told Kandi that the more he spends time with her and gets to know her the more he falls in love with her. I agree. How can you not fall in love with this?
She’s precious.
1) “I’m not ashamed at all about dating a married man. It’s just a legal thing. It’s just a piece of paper”
Do you think this is how Kim feels about marriage on the whole or just Big Poppa’s marriage? I pray it’s the latter. In fact I watched over and over again and I would like to give her the benefit of the doubt. Then in less than 5 seconds she says that her daughters have this great life and she wants to support them and Popppa can help. Then it’s suddenly “…but it’s not about the money”. Well clearly some of it has to do with the money since 20 minutes later she was buying jewelry and announcing that $32,000 for a gold necklace isn’t that much.
The rest of the global economy is in a recession and Kim has somehow managed to avoid this. How do you do it, Kim?
The Real Housewives of Atlanta: Baby Momma & Daddy Drama
“Sometimes I want him to think he’s with a different woman so I take my hair off” – Kim
Remember once upon a time when these posts were as regular as a kid on prune juice? Those were good times. I haven’t been neglectful in watching these lovely, cat fighting, ladies it’s just that I’ve been busy. So fucking busy. I know that’s no excuse and even though I have been in Atlanta and planning another trip to Atlanta that is still no excuse because I didn’t even have time/won’t have time to stalk the housewives properly.
ATL FAIL.
Anyway, some of you have strong feelings about when I miss a recap because it seems that you enjoy hearing my feelings on why Kim….well why Kim does anything she does. It might strike you as shocking but everything that Kim does is so very Kim. The only thing I expect from her is rampant flakiness. And tits. Lots of tits.
I fell asleep to the Kim-tervention Director’s Cut a few nights ago and for the last several weeks I keep giving her the benefit of the doubt. If you didn’t see the extended version of The Great Wig Shift of Aught Nine then I think you should. It’s painful to watch adults – MOTHERS – behave in such a manner befitting angry, poop flinging primates. Sheree pulls Kim’s hair because Kim called her a bitch? And then NeNe must see to it that Kim stays around to endure further abuse at the hands of people she once called friends. I’m re-reading this and see that I’m taking it far too seriously but come the fuck on now: the entire dinner was a set up which any non-genius, mouth-breathing, regular Bravo viewer would know. It’s just that the manner in which it all went down made me extra angry and name-cally.
But wait! There’s more! Like this:
WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT. I’ll say it now: if anyone dared to pull my hair they’d a) be missing a hand and b) we wouldn’t be yukking it up over glasses of wine four weeks later. There would be no laughter but maybe some teeth gnashing. Biting perhaps? The latter it is the only reasonable response to hair pulling. Also, we are all five years old.
So now it seems that Kim and Sheree are BFFE. They even have the heart shaped locket to prove it. Meanwhile I am perplexed as to how Kim thinks that NeNe is the worst person ever but Sheree is God’s gift to the world. It just goes to show you that this show is a mystery, wrapped in confusion, ensconced in what the hell? And every week we all go back for a heaping serving of more.
This episode is one ‘HUH?’ after another. First Kim and Sheree planning an engagement party for Kandi and then inviting Kandi’s mother – who hates Kandi’s fiance* – to the party. Meanwhile Kandi, AJ and Kandi’s mother are all going to counseling together because someone needs to stop the hate but counseling and the party are all very awkward moments. Moments that a regular old person wouldn’t want shared with millions of people on television but here we are; watching a counseling session.
20 minutes later we get to see NeNe, Denene!, and NeNe’s uncle go visit the person who may or may not be NeNe’s biological father. Just when you think you can’t top being a fly on the wall of someone’s therapy session…BAM…It’s the Maury Povich Show. Suddenly you’re oscillating between feeling terrible for these women and their personal struggles and wanting to smack some sense into them. People can see you!
This man above – Alan – is getting ready to meet someone who might be his daughter and suddenly he’s ambushed by a camera crew! Family reunion!
I should mention that I saw Denene last week. She even spoke to me. The embarrassing part is that when she complimented my earrings I could only eek out a tiny ‘thanks’ because I was too nervous to speak to her because ZOMFG she knows NeNe Leakes.
That’s some sad shit right there.
Tonight is the season finale. I’m depressed and you should be too. I mean what am I going to do without all of this?
Cry probably and be thankful that I own a mirror. That’s what.