Category Archives: That’s Life

The Five

By nopasanada | Published: September 28, 2011

“Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets.”  ~Arthur Miller

From Twitter this morning:

@Chookooloonks: 5 best decisions of my adult life so far: go to law school, move to London, marry @marzjennings, adopt Alex, quit law. What are your 5 best?

My response:

1. Moving to Washington
2. Leaving Washington
3. Dating whoever the hell I want
4. Starting No Pasa Nada
5. Living alone

Some of these decisions just happened by accident, living alone for example, others required pro/con lists, hand-wringing with a dollop of anxiety but when it comes down to it, hindsight always presents perfection. Decisions that were difficult turned out to be the best ever. The things I have done in my adult life – all of them and however short my adult life has been – have lead to one good thing after another. Even with those bad days where it seems like I have done everything wrong, they’re just little bumps reminding me to move forward. I can hardly remember the bad when thinking of what I did right. It’s true that every little thing will be alright. Inevitably. Eventually.

So now I ask you, what are the five best decisions of your adult life?

Schmutizie’s response is here: http://www.schmutzie.com/weblog/2011/9/28/the-five-best-decisions-of-my-life.html

Also posted in That's Life | 9 Comments

Forever and Ever

By nopasanada | Published: September 12, 2011

“Home is a place not only of strong affections, but of entire unreserve; it is life’s undress rehearsal, its backroom, its dressing room.” ~Harriet Beecher Stowe

A few weeks ago I found myself going back and forth with my friend Allison as to how wonderful life in Salt Lake City would be for me. The only caveat she said is that she was unsure of the (strict) drinking laws in the city and perhaps I should find a non-Mormon to assist in that regard. So I added Salt Lake to the list of “Hey…I could live here”.

Most people daydream about a relaxing vacation, I daydream of a place in this vast country of ours where I could put down some roots. It’s a list that grows each day depending on my mood. My therapist recently noted how wistfully I speak of DC and that she doesn’t hear that same tone when it comes to Albany and I had to remind her that a) This is Albany for Christ’s sake and b) I wouldn’t live in DC unless of course I won the lottery or made it big as a Democratic Consultant. I will get into the Albany v. DC thing at a later date but the point is that as of right now DC is not on that list. Several friends of mine and perspective job sites just collectively sobbed. I love DC with a fierceness but my gut tells me that it most likely isn’t in the cards.

Denver is there. Along with Boulder. I regularly contemplate Austin but recently reneged on that possibility because I don’t hate snow. That statement will come back to bite me in the ass some day – probably on a very frigid day in January where I find my nipples permanently erect and frostbite on my toes – but no, it doesn’t bother me in the way it should and could.

I see myself in a capital city since the only thing I’m really qualified to do is work in politics. Though some might say that I’m barely qualified for that. I could live on Martha’s Vineyard full time. That creeps in when I find myself alone walking up Circuit Avenue without the July and August hustle and bustle. But then I find myself stumped worrying that I haven’t been to enough places, seen enough, absorbed enough to make a “Forever” decision.

Perhaps I’ll marry someone who enjoys a life on the road. I’ll telecommute and home-school and spend summers in Montana. Who knows. The good thing is that the older I get the easier I find that I am able to go with it…absorb the ‘whatever happens, happens’ mentality. I just want to be near water, mountains, I want a yard.

Or perhaps I’ll just spin the globe and wherever my finger lands that is where I, too, shall land. Yes. That will work just fine.

This same topic was discussed on Curvy Girls Guide today and I wanted to bring it over here. Where do you live? Do you see yourself living there forever? If money were no object where would you call home?

Also posted in Just asking, That's Life | 12 Comments

Things

By nopasanada | Published: August 31, 2011

“As you grow older, you’ll find the only things you regret are the things you didn’t do.”  ~Zachary Scott

I kind of left you hanging there, sorry about that. There is more to that story and in hindsight I realize that there was more than just one singular incident that lead to my feeling so very alone. It was more like months of compounded interest that finally caused the dam to burst. But more on that – all of it – later. Your comments and DMs and emails were greatly appreciated. I’d hug you all if I could.

A few things:

1) I’ve spent the better part of the last few months trying to figure out my 2012 plans. Not in terms of forming an exploratory committee but a combination of conferences and how to operate a political blog and possibly facilitate another event during what could be a tumultuous, down and dirty campaign season. I’m attempting to fit my passion into my real life without stomping all over one or the other. It’s hard.

2) Speaking of 2012: I submitted a panel for SXSW along with Joanne Bamberger and David Wescott on Women, social media and political engagement. This will be an entire post on its own – not here, but over here – but if you would go over to the SXSW Panel Picker and vote for it, I’d sure appreciate it.

3) Speaking of projects: I saw what AB did for Heather and now I want for her to help me with my living room and bedroom. Look, I live in Upstate NY and therefore spend a good chunk of the months of December – March indoors, fearful of giant chunks of ice falling off a branch and busting me in the head. That said, if I’m going to be indoors I want it to look pretty. And what I have now is the opposite of pretty. So she’s going to help me and it will be so very worth it. I’m realizing that the things that make me miserable can easily be fixed or rearranged. Why I just sit there and let things make me unhappy is beyond me but my therapist and I are working on it.

4) I curated a slideshow for Kirtsy. It’s of Washington, DC at its best. I love that place: http://kirtsy.com/2011/08/27/dc-curated-by-heather-barmore/

5) Speaking of weather: This is what I did during Irene on Sunday. Narcissus much? I was bored. May I present to you the many faces of Heather L. Barmore. You’re welcome.

6) I have a four day weekend. Hooray for labor!

Also posted in Listy, That's Life | 1 Comment

The Lucky One

By nopasanada | Published: August 18, 2011

“Now, out of boredom (yes I’m bored and no I’m not afraid to say it), frustration and good ole fashioned narcissism, I’ve decided to write about it. Even if just to amuse myself.” – Me

BlogHer coincides with the anniversary of the start of this blog. So, I return more pensive than usual (the first post lives here, if you are so inclined). The first year – at least – is speckled with my shaking my fists at the Universe as it forced me into adulthood and the frustration of leaving the safety and security of childhood for…well…this. You can’t see but I just made a sweeping gesture to my surroundings. I tapped my finger on a stack of bills and post-it notes reminding me of phone calls to make and where to be and when. This is what it is now. Getting here wasn’t particularly graceful but I have managed to fall into it without breaking any bones. Though No Pasa Nada is only six years old, it is considered ancient in Internet years but what I see from the past is a very young, 21 year old woman unsure of herself and her everything. Now I see a woman who is 27 going on 28. Still unsure of being called ‘adult’ but rolling with it. Tectonic plates have shifted and now I am here at this desk with this office and the home and with it all. Not where I expected but I take it each day. 21 would have shunned so much of this because of its imperfections, however small. 27 likes the scratches and dents and will to run with it anyway.

Six years ago I never expected to essentially come of age in front of a live studio audience. I held my finger over the publish button, took a deep breath and that was it.

I never expected you. I regret many things but this will never be one of them and for that I am eternally thankful.

Also posted in BlogHer, Blogology, That's Life | 3 Comments

I don’t think I can

By nopasanada | Published: July 18, 2011

“When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts.  A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.”  ~Sophia Loren

On Friday I flew from DC to Albany. On Saturday I drove back down to DC to retrieve a tupperware full of winter items and my cat and those other things that I have managed to collect after four months away. Let me be the first to tell you that since packing, unpacking and repacking over the last four months, I am seconds away from taking a giant broom and sweeping out anything that isn’t a mammal. Scratch that, my cat just puked on the floor. He’s out too.

My parents requested that I call them upon my arrival to Washington. I, of course, forgot as I opened my door and saw the amount of work to be done then shut the door and took a walk around the block with a diet coke. Mumbling to myself ‘I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.’ Then I got back to my apartment and a random pair of winter boots kicked me in the shins and I started mumbling ‘fuck this. fuck this.’ So, my parents were put on the back-burner. My mother called first to see if I had made it ok. Then my father.

I’m fine! I told them. I’m 27 or as my brother likes to say “Heather, you’re like fucking 30…”. I have grays sprouting at the top of my head. I’m fine. I can drive to DC and back.

I’m fine.

But at 27 I am still their baby. My brothers and I ranging in age from mid-40′s to mid-20′s are still babies. I’m a woman with grays and bills but that doesn’t put a stop to my parents wanting to know that this person – a person they created and love with a fierceness that I cannot begin to comprehend – is out there, driving down the Jersey Turnpike. Alone. They wonder if I’m wearing my seatbelt or if I’ll stop when I’m tired. They wonder if I’ve made it ok or have enough money for gas.

It would stand to reason that because I am older they would worry less. In fact it’s the opposite. I am older, the world is my oyster. They worry more. They don’t let on because they don’t want to be helicopter parents at 50-something and 60-something. But their baby. Their only daughter is out there and that freaks them the fuck out.

My mother doesn’t sleep at night until she hears my 25 year old, law school-attending, brother return home. Then she knows that he’s back and he’s safe.

My oldest brother is in his 40′s. My father still calls to make sure he’s ok.

I read Ali’s words on protecting her children. She sees stories of young children being abducted and violently murdered in small communities. We all see these stories of children being gone much too soon. I send messages to friends who have lost their children without warning wondering how they do it. How they put their whole being in the form of their child out there into the world and hope for the best. And if the best doesn’t happen? How do you keep going?

I question these things as a non-parent of course. As a person who is able to forcibly remove herself from thinking of these things day in and day out because I don’t have to. There is a part of me that relishes in the great joy of not having to think about the person that I created from my own body. The person I have nurtured, loved, protected and held to my chest while giving reassuring butt-pats. I don’t have to think about that person being out there. I don’t have to worry. I get to sleep at night.

It is no secret, that I long to become a parent. Not at anytime soon, I can assure you but…you know…someday. I want to love and raise a person – by whatever means, that child comes to me. I want to nurture and fulfill and put a person out in this world – All of it – who is loving, kind and will do great things. That is every parents dream.

But then I remember that with that great responsibility comes great worry. Sleepless nights not due to colic or hunger but due to wanting that person who have rocked to sleep so many nights before to be more than ok. To be safe and sound and back with me holding my hand.

I so want to be a parent but, my God, I don’t think I can.

Also posted in That's Life | 11 Comments