“Don’t let your mind bully your body into believing it must carry the burden of its worries.” ~Astrid Alauda
There are two new posts up on Poliogue right now – Of Pomp and Circumstance and Mr. Obama Goes to Schenectady. I feel all fancy and on top of my shit when I’m able to get something up over there without neglecting people who really could give two shits as to who their congress-person is sitting with during the State of the Union. I’m having an equilibrium issue. Not just online but in life. Everything feels out of whack and if I move just too inches to one side everything on the other end will just fall over with a resounding thud.
Sometimes I find myself so overwhelmed that I don’t eat and I pray for a bout of mania. Then there are the days when it’s all too much, too soon and instead of saying, Go get ‘em, Tiger! I think fuck this and stay in bed with Wii on my Netflix. I mean Netflix on my Wii. See? I can’t even get that right.
I leave for Nashville in the morning where I will speaking about writing and how I do it and why I do it but I feel like I’m not the person who should be up there. But that is a processing – my personal processing – issue and not yet one to air for all to see.
So I’m stressed. I have all of these ideas at the top of my head waiting to burst out from everywhere. I can feel it all straining agains my eyes and my fingers because they’re all ready, ready, ready and I cannot bring myself or stop for a few minutes to let them out. Let’s just say that my brain is all Pandora’s box up in there.
Nashville. Tomorrow. More. Tomorrow. Now, there there brain. Take a breather.






Reprise
The act of putting pen to paper encourages pause for thought, this in turn makes us think more deeply about life, which helps us regain our equilibrium. ~Norbet Platt
In July I came within inches of sacrificing my skull in order to save my MacBook. But when it comes to MacBook vs. Concrete, concrete always wins. Now fast forward to the following days, weeks and months where it felt like I had lost all hope in anything and everything. To describe the feeling of not being comfortable enough to write and not have the tools that I personally need to write is something like having each of your fingers broken. Slowly and methodically. Without one it’s like, ‘Eh, I’ve got another thumb’ and then going down the line it’s suddenly like your pinky finger is the greatest thing ever and if it ever gets fixed you’ll coddle that little pinky and buy it presents. And a giant ass cocktail ring.
So that’s what happened in JULY. And I spent all of those months without a laptop of my own. Which is Total First World Problems, playing the world’s tiniest violin but it’s my baby. My comfort. It’s my mac & cheese and fried chicken. And without my laptop I was without my writing groove. I tried. I really did. But never found that comfy spot. I would write and everything would feel off, the words went on the page but it didn’t feel good to put it out.
I want to feel good not just about my writing but about my space and my mojo. I have long professed that my ability to write isn’t without it’s glaring irregularities and mistakes and, oh, those superfluous commas. But there’s something about the tapping of the keys with the ‘Write on, Writer’ playlist on in the background. Now I have a new laptop and it was better than Christmas Day. It was my birthday, Christmas and Election Day all rolled into one which is pretty much my orgasm of a day. I don’t know how you feel about watching electoral returns on a CNN magic green screen but dude, it totally makes me hot.
With my laptop will also come three CF cards full of photos. Photos in RAW. Which means that I’m going to spend the next five months posting photos of the last five months. There are photos I still have from Denver and BlogHer. Photos of people who have since had like six kids and of a baby who was two months old at the time her photo was taken and just yesterday graduated from high school.
I’m about to inundate you with my narcissism and I’m so excited! Aren’t you?