Category Archives: “Oh night divine”

SWAGG giveaway part deux

By nopasanada | Published: December 22, 2010

This is a sponsored post by SWAGG and The b-Link

So the winner of the first SWAGG giftcard is Ka-Ka-Ka-Katy.

Send me your info so you can get your prize.

And because I am in the giving mood (brief digression: don’t let me forget to tell you about surprising one of my friends with a Wii which is about as fun as playing Santa to eager kidlets) I figure that I should give away another. That is what the holiday season is about, no? Caring and sharing and downloading an app that makes your life that much simpler.

To repeat: the SWAGG app lets you keep all of those gift cards in one easy spot. It will also keep track of the amount left on each gift card (Your eyes just bugged out of your head at that last bit because WHAAA??). And if you download you get to a) enter to win $50 in SWAGG bucks for yourself and b) They’ll give a dollar to Stand Up To Cancer. Basically you’ll get something awesome and in return they’ll give money to help cure cancer. I’m pretty sure that’s a win/win.

Here are the rules:

To win a $50 gift card (whoo!) courtesy of SWAGG, download the SWAGG app then return here and comment that you have downloaded the app and voila! You are entered. Comments will close on Christmas Eve morning (Friday 12/24) and I will announce the winner on Monday. At which point we’ll do this again. Whoo!

And in the end

By nopasanada | Published: December 30, 2008

“It wouldn’t be New Year’s if I didn’t have regrets.” ~William Thomas

There are very few words that can relay just how painful this past year has been. Self-inflicted strife and heartache would touch the very tip of that iceberg but nothing to account for the number of times I felt my heart churning around in my gut and the times I sat laid in bed for hours longer than it should be legal, only to use a sick day because everything physically hurt based on a mental condition. I won’t miss the dull ache of the past twelve months and knowing that if one second, minute or phrase had been changed, if I had missed a train because of snow or if I had replied differently…my God…this year would have been far better than one of Soul Sucking Hell Fire and Doom.

2008 I will not miss you. You, wily bastard* shit head of perpetual disdain and sadness, go the fuck away.

And that’s the ‘family friendly’ version of what I’d like to say about this year. But it’s the end that counts…those last few days and weeks that prep you for the twelve months to come. The emails and notes of a different tune. The pep talks and ‘you can do it’ from 3,000 miles away. The difference between this year and the last is that while yes, I am in control of my actions but I’m not starting 2009 with dread, fear and this overwhelming guilt that bogs me down and forces me to live like I’m perpetually treading water. In the end, my legs aren’t tired, my arms aren’t sore and my head is above. This year, I won’t be gasping for air.

Here are my favorite posts of the past year. Posts that have made me smile and laugh, recoil and remember:

January: The 50MM Story

February: Filler, redux

March: Water into Wine

April: Pain and Understanding

May: La Madre

June: Fight and Flight

July: Just in time for vacation

August: What the good ones are made of

September: The rules of engagement

October: A lesson before 25

November: One day in November

December: There’s the tiniest sliver of hope at the end of this tunnel

*I borrowed that phrase from Metalia.

Also posted in "Oh night divine", Great moments in narcissism, Listy | 15 Comments

Not short but sweet

By nopasanada | Published: December 23, 2008

“Christmas is the gentlest, loveliest festival of the revolving year – and yet, for all that, when it speaks, its voice has strong authority.” ~W.J. Cameron

I think I might have more Johnnie Walker Red than I had originally thought as evidenced by my returning home and crying and emailing and drinking the Chenin Blanc that had exploded all over my freezer. Please note that crying, emailing and drinking are not three activities that should ever be done at the same time. It’s like mixing napalm and well, oxygen. Police are so upset about people drinking and driving well psychotherapists and close friends should send out warrants for the arrest for overdramatic 20 somethings with a proclivity to confess The Feelings at 11:39 PM while weeping over a large glass of wine.

Woe!

The Spirit has been in and out. Next week when I’m sitting at home for 12 glorious, God sent, Jesus kissed days with nothing to do but write, write and maybe write some more, I will tell you about Friday night and how Susan had to keep me from jumping off my balcony while had a house full of people.

Merry Christmas! Try the eggnog! Excuse me while I leap all of three stories to my death but what would actually be a broken hip!

There is no proper segue here except that I need a very long break. Not a week off of work where I go somewhere else and pretend to be thrilled about TSA giving me an anal probe but a week off where I sit and read and play with my new Hayden Harnett. Speaking of which – and an utter digression of where this post is headed – I bought two Hayden Harnett bags for myself for Christmas. I even had them gift wrapped with a gift note. The gift note: “Dear Heather: You rock. Don’t ever change. Love, Heather”. So you know there’s that: Even if I’m feeling unloved by the world at large at least I love me and that’s what really matters.

Anyway, while I’m home I’ll probably bake and practice making gluten free goodies (post on why I find myself blatantly lying about why I don’t eat gluten coming soon to a crapass blog near you!). In the meantime I will leave you with these:

Gluten free pumpkin cupcakes. I’ve been holding onto these bad boys for a month now waiting for the right time to release them on you because people are terrified by the no gluten thing. As if anything sans gluten will taste like chalk paste ground up with salt. These are quite delicious. And I’m not saying that because I put my blood, sweat and tears into them but because I was apprehensive and had resigned myself to defeat that I would just have to suffer in silence. I test out everything I bake on my coworkers before I give them to actual people. The feedback from these was a resounding, “Quit your job and bake”. So if things in politics don’t work out and President Obama doesn’t want me in his administration because of my facebook/twitter/blog/MySpace sex shots (I AM KIDDING) then I can always bake for a living.

Gluten-free Pumpkin Cupcakes (from Simply Recipes)

Ingredients

1 stick (1/2 cup) unsalted butter, room temperature (I only had 3/4 of a stick so I used that and added 2 Tbsp of olive oil. It worked fine.)
1 cup brown sugar, packed
1 Tbsp molasses
1 Tbsp honey
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup pumpkin purée
2 cups Red Mill’s gluten-free flour
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 teaspoon of pumpkin pie spice (1/2 teaspoon cinnamon, 1/4 teaspoon ground ginger, 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves, 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg, 1/4 teaspoon lemon zest)
1/2 cup buttermilk*
1/2 cup chopped pecans
1 cup raisins

Frosting ingredients:

8 oz. cream cheese, room temperature
1/4 cup (1/2 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature
1/4 cup maple syrup
1 cup confectioner’s powdered sugar, sifted

*Note to make your own buttermilk, combine 1/2 cup of milk with 1/2 Tbsp of vinegar or lemon juice. Stir and let stand 10 minutes before using.

Method

Cupcakes

1 Preheat oven to 350°F, and place rack in the center of the oven.

2 Using an electric mixer, cream the butter, brown sugar, molasses and honey, until as light and fluffy as it will be, about 2-3 minutes. Add the eggs, one at a time, mixing well after each addition. Add the pumpkin purée and vanilla and beat until incorporated.

3 In a separate bowl, whisk together flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt and spices. Add the flour mixture and buttermilk alternately to the pumpkin batter, in three additions, beginning and ending with the flour mixture.

4 Add the pecans and raisins. Mix in by hand.

5 Set paper cupcake holders in a muffin tin. Spoon the batter into the cupcake paper cups, close to the top of the cups. Bake approximately 18 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean. Let cool completely before frosting.

Frosting

6 Using an electric mixer, mix together cream cheese and butter until smooth. Add maple syrup and confectioners’ sugar and mix to combine. Once cupcakes have cooled, apply frosting.

Makes 16 cupcakes.

Below we have your basic sugar cookies but with a lemon glaze frosting because I had no patience to whip up vanilla frosting and think vanilla frosting is a product of the Devil. I did have powdered sugar and some lemons lying around so I made lemon glaze which made an ordinary sugar cookie taste like magic. If you’re ever looking to impress your coworkers or mother or parole officer; tell them that you made sugar cookies from scratch without the help of Pillsbury and they’ll all bow at your feet and tell you how fucking fantastic you really are.

Easy Sugar Cookies

1 Cup of sugar
1 cup of butter
3 tablespoons of milk
1 teaspoon of vanilla extract
1 egg
3 cups of flour
1 1/2 teaspoons of Baking powder
1/2 teaspoon of salt

1. In large bowl, combine sugar, butter, milk, vanilla, and egg. Blend well. Lightly spoon flour into measuring cup; level off. Add flour, baking powder and salt; mix well. Cover with plastic wrap; refrigerate for atleast 1 hour.
2. Heat oven to 400 f. On lightly floured surface, roll out 1/3 od dough at a time to 1/8-inch thickness. Keep remaining dough refrigerated. Cut with floured 2-inch cookie cutter. Place 1 inch apart on ungreased cookie sheet,
3. Bake at 400 f for 5-9 minutes or until edges are light golden brown. Immediately remove from cookie sheet decorate as desired.

Serving size is one cookie with frosting…
Enjoy!

Number of Servings: 72

Frosting:

Whisk 1 ½ cups powdered sugar, two tablespoons lemon juice, and 1 ½ teaspoons lemon peel in small bowl. Frost.

And with that, have a very wonderful Holiday, listen to Carol of the Bells, drink eggnog spiked with four kinds of hard alcohol and I will see you all next week.

Also posted in "Oh night divine", "The Pot Licker", Va-cay-cay-cay, Whoa feelings | 12 Comments

The Spirit

By nopasanada | Published: December 18, 2008

“Nothing is interesting if you’re not interested. ” ~Helen MacInness

The Roommate (showing me new ornaments): What do you think of these? Aren’t they cool? How about these?

Me: Oh…those are fine. (goes back to clacking away on the keyboard)
You really get into Christmas don’t you?

The Roommate: Yes. I love Christmas. Don’t you?

Me: It’s fine.

The Roommate (mocking me with attitude and all): ‘It’s fine’. ‘Whatever’. ‘I mean I guess I’ll celebrate it if I HAVE TO’

***************************************************************************************************************

I knew there was something wrong when while rearranging my Netflix queue I opted for the second season of Big Love and Sleepers over Home Alone and The Santa Clause. Or maybe it was the way I became fake ill at the thought of another damn cookie. Or maybe it was when I started to call sugar cookies “Motherfucking cookies”. For who in right sound of mind and body looks at chocolate like it’s been infested with bird poop? Me! That’s who. While The Spirit of the season has made it’s way into the hearts and minds of all who surround me, it seems to have taken a hop, skip and jump right over me but landed squarely in my neighbor’s lap. It’s awkward and somewhat painful to watch everyone else embrace the joy of the season – even my Jewish brethren who listens to O, Holy Night as sung by Christina Augilera at top volume – and don their gay apparel while I channel my inner goth and wear studded jewelry. It isn’t that bad, but my god, never before have I found this season to be such a pain in the ass. A nuisance and feeling forced into cheer and red outfits and to eat cookies MADE PURELY OF SUGAR.

Tomorrow evening – that is if the weather cooperates – we are scheduled to have holiday festivities. I will make eggnog with more rum than egg. People will come in and bring a little cold air with them with hats and hair wet with snow. They’ll rub their hands together and stand near our fire and if they’re friends with me, they’ll be more than willing to double fist their eggnog with a goblet of wine. It is my hope that tomorrow puts a spark under my ass and gets me singing along to Carol of the Bells all high pitched and out of tune and shit. If not, well then, at least there will be presents next Thursday no matter what kind of piss poor mood I am in.

I’d end this with a hearty ‘Bah humbug’ but that’s too much of a cliché.

Also posted in "Oh night divine" | 18 Comments

Oh days divine

By nopasanada | Published: December 28, 2007

“A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.” ~Robert Orben

Have you ever noticed that going days and days on end of doing absolutely nothing that requires brain power tends to become physically draining? The only thing I’ve actually had to do for myself in roughly 10 days is remember to check in for my return flight from Oklahoma City, which was completed with aplomb. My next most difficult task was during my Holiday party when I had to convert from wine glass to ceramic mug just so I wouldn’t confuse my drink with others. Seriously, the sum of my life and decision making has been What type of iPod should I get and how many times is too many times to go to Sonic? That is all.

Christmas came and went sans fanfare and without a complete sensory blowout from way too much going on at once. I like to keep things very simple so that I can focus on just one thing whereas too much leaves me confused and panicked. I requested one thing; Snow tires. And unless snow tires fit into a Banana Republic box, I did not get them. Which is fine because I did get a tea stirring stick that holds loose tea but on the box it looks like some new fangled apparatus for toking on the reefer. In fact when I opened it, the first words out of my mouth to my mother were “My! How progressive you’ve become”.

I like it like this, when things are simple enough to be described as ‘good’ and no one asks 75 questions while trying to find the hidden meaning behind a one syllable answer. I like when things are just as they are.

I shall leave you with my favorite moment: My younger brother, G, first meeting my niece Melissa. He was holding her and she was doing that 5 month old I want to get down and stand thing by kicking him repeatedly in the stomach. So I sat there and watched G say “Oh you want to get down? Here you go”. So he set her down and decided that since she, at 5 months old, wanted to stand she could obviously do so without assistance because she apparently has the physically prowess of the average 16 month old. She immediately toppled over and spent the rest of the afternoon doing this baby sob thing that simultaneously broke my heart and made me laugh. When retelling this story to my mother she informed me that when I was three months old my father liked to stand me on the bed and then let me fall over. He would do this repeatedly as a fun little game. When my mother found out she flipped her shit and that was one of their first major fights over parenting. Apparently my mother was a little sensitive that her three month old was being tossed on a bed. When she told me it was like a little ‘Aha’ moment in my head. For suddenly the past act of my father tossing my three-month old tiny self on the bed explains a lot of things. Like I don’t know, half the content of this here blog.

Also posted in "Oh night divine", Familia, Va-cay-cay-cay | 17 Comments