“Beauty, to me, is about being comfortable in your own skin. That, or a kick-ass red lipstick.” ~Gwyneth Paltrow
In college I had a professor tell me that I have a presence about me. Something that I give off that forces people to pay attention to me. As such I have spent years hiding in corners and behind plants because I do not thrive well with a lot of attention. In fact I will create a diversion in order to keep your eyes off of me but does it work? Hardly ever. In fact it ends up causing people to gravitate towards me even if I’m busying myself with Socially Awkward Barbie™ tweets. I’ve accepted my plight in this life. And clearly modestly has become my strong suit.
I’ve been over a year trying to find the perfect red lipstick. I don’t know what started it but if you know me at all and how I make decisions it took the full 365 days to find the color and then another two weeks after placing it in my Sephora shopping cart to actually pay. Each time I’d head back to Sephora for a new head for my Clarisonic or my favorite lotion, I’d take note of the red lipstick and promptly ignore. Red lipstick would bring too much attention. More importantly what woman doesn’t look at red lipstick and fear that she will end up looking like a whore? I mean, that right there was the biggest fear: People would think that I’m a hooker. A lady of the night if you will.
I managed to avoid being Hooker-esque.
Good because I actually sported this look for the first time ever to a colleague/former roommate’s holiday party and wouldn’t it be fun if my boss saw me and was all “What happened to your face?” It went over quite well, actually. I got complimented and then a stranger said “Wow…you look amazing. That lipstick was the first thing I noticed.” With that, my night was made.
How I did it: I lined with Sephora ‘real red’ lip liner (lip liner is the most important part of this process, heed these words). Then YSL ‘Rouge Pur Couture SPF 15′ in Rouge Flamme as the lipstick. Finally Nars lip gloss in ‘Scandal’ for a bit of shine.
And voila. Let’s face it. I look pretty hot and it took the attention away from my expanding waist line. No, I’m not pregnant. Just Lexapro fat.
“Runners just do it – they run for the finish line even if someone else has reached it first.” ~Author Unknown
#34: Learn to Snowboard
“Enjoy yourself. It’s later than you think.” ~Chinese Proverb
Rewind to about a month ago when I ran into a colleague while in the break room to grab eyeglass cleaner and cold medicine. She asked what I had planned for the weekend and I shrugged. Nothing. She looked at me dismayed and said that she figured I’d be going to some amazing party somewhere that no one knew about. No. I was going to do some amazing cleaning and sleeping and I was going to rock my Netflix queue. She shook her head because here I was this 28 year old woman. Childless. Single. Completely free. And I was going to spend my weekend scrubbing my kitchen floor. This could not stand, man. She told me that I really needed to…you know…get out more. To be adventurous. I’d still have fun later, she said, even married with children but it would be a different kind of fun. Right now I have everything at my fingertips and as I write those words I forget how true that is. I get so caught up in the day-to-day and trying to keep my shit together even when my brain doesn’t want to cooperate so I forget about just living. It sounds so cliche but the thing about cliches is that they’re often true. So, I thanked her and the following week I decided that during my trip to Utah for Alt I would go snowboarding.
Now would be a good time to mention that I am a creature of habit. I eat the same things and go to the same restaurants almost everyday to the point where it’s like Cheers and everyone know my name. I have a favorite bartender and a favorite drink. I drive the same route to work. Talk to the same people. I like the routine and with bipolar disorder I need it. That said, I’ve become the most boring person you will ever meet in life. I mean, I know I can make things sound super exciting with all the exclamation points and OMGGUESSWHOIJUSTSAW in the world but damn. Not much is going on over here. For me to step outside of my comfort zone would be all great leap forward and shit. So…I just did it.
I, Heather Barmore, was going to do something I had never done before and was totally fucking terrified of. I did it. It was thrilling. I didn’t, like, become a new person so yeah, during my first run I panicked at the top of the mountain and promptly walked down the side to a lodge and took a shuttle – snowboard in hand – back to the lift but still. I tried. I took a lesson, I got on that snowboard and I made that sucker my bitch and I have a bruise on my ass to prove it.
It was awesome.
*Huge shout out to Solitude Resort and Alt for the lift tickets and good time. And instructor Mike for being very patient and telling me that I looked cool while riding.