Category Archives: Just asking

I would if I could. But I can’t.

By nopasanada | Published: February 22, 2009

“Some people get lost in thought because it’s such unfamiliar territory.”  ~G. Behn

I’m spending the next few weeks here, there and everywhere. With people who will hopefully motivate me and propel me. By the end of March I envision myself as The Little Helicopter That Could. But apropos of this and all other sundry thoughts of a casual Sunday morning, I ask you this: If you could live anywhere, where would that be? Don’t say Fiji or Belize or something based on warmth and the proportion of hot naked men to women, but based on the real things. Things like friends, family, job opportunities, etc. I’ll go first and in no particular order:

1) Northern California

2) Austin

3) Washington, DC

Also posted in The year on the edge | 33 Comments

So, this is Christmas?

By nopasanada | Published: December 26, 2008

“Whoever one is, and wherever one is, one is always in the wrong if one is rude.”  ~Maurice Baring

Scene: Basement laundry area. I’m waiting for two dryers to become available so I can put my stuff in. Earlier, I had waited 20 minutes to get to the washer before the owner of said clothes in the washer sauntered down. I only felt slightly bad but hey, people do it all the time – it’s happened to me – it happens to everyone. Annoying? Yes. But teaches you to get your ass downstairs in time.

The drying cycle ends and I have no pants for later. I open the door.

Two girls walk down. Blondie is carrying the pint sized brunette on her back.

Brunette (not looking at me): Could you really please not do that…

Me (looking right at her): Um, your stuff had been done. I was waiting and people are behind me waiting for dryers as well…

B (still avoiding eye contact) (possibly because I’m so menacing): Just don’t do that. It’s gross.

Me (guffaw): I’m so sorry to have put my germy hands on your clean clothing.

B: Ugh. It’s just RUDE. We knew it was you before so don’t do it.

Me: It wasn’t a secret!

B: …

Brunette and Blondie leaves while nary a word comes from Blondie’s mouth. Brunette is still huffing and puffing wanting to blow my condo down. She walks away.

Me: Sorry once again! I’M OFF TO BLEACH MY HANDS NOW!

I’ve lived quite a bit of time in buildings with public washers/dryers and even when I had a unit in my actual apartment, my roommate and I would take out each others things as they finished because it’s rude to monopolize the laundry area when it’s pretty clear that there are others who are waiting to use it. I’ve forgotten to remove my clothing multiple times and each time someone else has removed it for me. Yeah the first time I got huffy (to myself, of course) and then I realized that hmm, if I go down when my laundry is ready then maybe I can remove it myself thus keeping the line of laundering going smoothly. But then this half sized bitch comes down and has the audacity to not even be polite about it but then say “it’s gross”. And if she had just said, can you please not do that, I would’ve been like “Ok, whatever” and let it go but the added emphasis on how utterly GROSS it is to have someone’s hand on your stuff is what sent me into a tizzy.

This means that from now on, if I ever see her in the elevator, I’ll be sure not to touch the buttons for her or to hold the door open because I don’t want my disgusting germs infiltrating her pristine, immaculately clean space. P.S. For a girl so concerned with the cleanliness of others perhaps she should try a little Spray and Sash on some certain garments of clothing. Ahem.

Posted in Just asking | 23 Comments

I have no words for this

By nopasanada | Published: October 24, 2008

“Your ignorance cramps my conversation. ” ~Anthony Hope

If someone close to you – a family member, coworker, friend – came up to you and sincerely thought that Barack Obama is a Muslim terrorist; how would you respond? Would you feel it is your civic duty to set them straight or would you IGNORE, IGNORE, IGNORE and then drink?

Also posted in Poliogue | 50 Comments

Downer

By nopasanada | Published: September 18, 2008

“…voting. Drinking. Car rental. Death. Welcome to our side” – Mrs. Flinger

Having a bout a hypomania often means starting one thing and promptly forgetting it because something else popped up in your face. I have a mind that wanders rampantly to all things simultaneously and at the end I kind of forget what I was thinking about prior because right now, while going through the paper mill known as my office, would be an excellent time to schedule that oil change. So during one of these mind excursions I went from thinking about returning phone calls to taking a trip to Texas this spring and how I would want to rent a car while there because I’ll be visiting friends who live way the hell out underneath an oil derrick or something and lo perhaps NOW is a good time to think about MARCH. Then I realized that by spring I won’t have to save an extra $750 to rent a car for 13 hours because I won’t have to worry about extraneous fees for losing a limb or returning the car minus a mile’s worth of gas or being under the age of 25 thereby making me responsible enough to have a child and go to war but not responsible enough to drive a car 20 miles. So! In the middle of that I counted down the days until my 25th birthday (38! I would like a wide angle lens, pearls and new car insurance) and then promptly came to the conclusion that after 25 life is pretty much a downer. I mean, you get these awesome birthdays that involve voting and drinking and then you get to rent a car without Hertz coming after you with a taser and after that there’s death and awesome bills to pay and car insurance. Met life: The gift that keeps on giving.

In the middle of writing all of this, my mother stopped by to say hello. We started discussing the economy and what would happen to my assets and 401(K) and then she decided that now would be the perfect time to remind me that I don’t get to retire for another 35-40 years. And now I’m banging my head on the desk and hoping that if I run around the parking lot naked someone will miraculously hit me with their Nissan. It’s all just death and taxes from here, isn’t it?

Aaaaand to continue with this hypomania induced nonsensical rambling about how awful and horrible it is to be an adult and have to be living and breathing and healthy while your checking account is about as dry as the Sahara in July; here is the PMSbuddy (courtesy of Sweetney’s linkblog). Which might be one of the most brilliant ideas ever especially since it seems that The Universe is PMSing as we speak hence the reason for why I’m bemoaning being forced to be alive after the age of 25 and for why I saw some woman lose her shit at the grocery store yesterday.

Also posted in Lessons Learned | 13 Comments

More for their benefit than mine

By nopasanada | Published: June 19, 2008

“The essence of true friendship is to make allowance for another’s little lapses.” ~David Storey

Not only do I have the gift of ‘creative whining’ but I was also bestowed the gift of being really god damn annoying. I used to recoil and cry when my peers would announce just how fucking annoying I could be but I have since gone on to A) Not give a shit and B) Accept it as one of those quirky things about me that people will just have to deal with. I ask you now to picture an inquisitive yet precocious five year old trapped in a 24 year old’s body. That right there is what its like to be friends with me.

For the last several weeks I have been using my God given talent of annoying to ask Metalia if she’s had a baby yet*. And if she hasn’t had a baby yet, is it going to come out right now? How about now? How about maybe later today? I’m thinking that there are moments when she wishes she could throw something very hard and very heavy from her perch in Manhattan all the way Upstate. But instead of lobbing 15 lbs bricks at my head from 200 miles away, she’s sweet and kind and allows me to abuse technology by asking whether or not she is having a baby right this very second since she isn’t sitting at her computer. God forbid she go to Target or get a pedicure without sending me a missive with her daily itinerary.

Not only am I pain in the ass annoying but I seem to be a bit of a stalker. She is the first good friend of mine to have a baby. Like ever. So she bears with me and finds my awkward and TMI suggestions/questions to be endearing. Sometimes the precocious five year old can be cute! When you’re not contemplating cementing their jaw shut. Because of her, I have realized that I cannot ever have children because the waiting, my God, the waiting. I am impatient and after all that waiting I would like to be done. The other night we were discussing The Waiting and how painful it is and why the hell can’t this be over and mind you this was ME, the totally not pregnant one talking (Note: Babysitting is the best form of birth control ever), when I suddenly announced “This sucks, I’m going to find more wine” because the fucking waiting. I don’t know how you people do it over and over (and possibly over and over) again.

That said as a very childless person with 896 friends that are due to have an actual, live person come out of them this year (MIND BLOWING! by the way) I would like to know what a non-parent should do while waiting for friends or family to have that damn baby already. Though I say it much nicer than “have that damn baby already”, just so we’re all clear that I am not annoying, a stalker and rude. Thus far the only things Metalia and I have come up with are (Clearly we have a lot of free time. We’re just eating all the free time up in the world. Soon we’ll be laying around in cabanas in Cabo with all of our FREE TIME):

1) Become eminently quotable
2) Make up t-shirt slogans for your hypothetical café press shop
3) Create a virtual store where people can buy snippets of IM conversations because hoo boy! We are funny.
4) Drink (me)
5) Blog (both of us)
6) Discuss blogging about conversations about blogging (oooh meta)

*The one day that I did NOT ask if she had a baby yet, she has a baby and totally catches me off guard. I knew it would be a girl but I didn’t think about how gorgeous she would be. I’ve already purchased dresses with pockets, she will never have to experience life without them.

Posted in Just asking | 11 Comments