“There’s nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you.” ~Woody Hayes
How about starting this year over? Or maybe using the last two months of extraordinary heartache as a jumping off point for bettering myself and my surroundings? Or maybe I’ll just enjoy some Malbec and give The Universe the middle finger.
Tomorrow we’ll have some champagne and begin again but the year will be a little rough around the edges.
“The most violent element in society is ignorance. ” ~Emma Goldman
I will start this off by saying that I – like many others – have been sucked into Momversation. Whether you like it or not or cannot stand any of the panelists, there is some interesting commentary that I am obviously not the main demographic for but hey, whatever, I also read mommy blogs and nod emphatically when making the decision for Steve over Joe as the host for Blue’s Clues. I’ve never commented despite sometimes strong opinions from the peanut gallery because it’s a comfort thing: I am not a mom and so I try not to push myself into obviously ‘Mom Only’ conversations. I can comment on marketing strategies and how companies approach moms because it seems pretty similar for all bloggers but when it comes to breast vs. the bottle or sex after baby? No fucking clue. The most recent episode I viewed I found courtesy of Maggie Mason. It was on how the female body changes after baby. Which great. Having seen some of these panelists in person I can unequivocally say that MANY women look better after (hell, even during) baby than I could ever hope to look in my life. Fine. Awesome. But then there was this bit that I found so irritating. So grating. So belittling towards people who have not had children because we will never understand anything ever in life until we have children. See also: Your life is unfulfilled until you have a child. You don’t know what love is until you have a child. You don’t know how to be self-less until you have a child. I also hear that chocolate tastes better, all brownies have pot in them and it rains whiskey. But ONLY if you have had children.
One of the moms – Mindy Roberts – said something that made everything inside of me sink because my God, why can’t women just be women and stop comparing and trying to make other women feel small. Or at least that’s how it felt to me when she said, “…what you were before you had a baby? You were a girl. And now you’re a woman”. And ooh, just suck me in the gut with another implication of how much more new and improved a female becomes once she has given birth. So screw you childless people whether it by choice, circumstance or general inability to get pregnant. Also you chicks who adopted because you felt it was the right thing to do? FAIL. NOT A WOMAN. But if by the grace of Mother Nature you are blessed with giving birth naturally then I hearby dub you an actual woman with super human powers.
I’m not just annoyed by the tone but I’m also hurt and angry and kind of pissed off that I lost my virginity AND got my period AND got boobs AND started a career and I’m still just a little girl. Damn it.
*A link to the actual Momversation episode*
I closed comments on this post because of the ire and the martyrism but I am re-opening. Because I LOVE provacative discourse. And this has been such a great conversation despite the childish behavior of a minority.
“Some people get lost in thought because it’s such unfamiliar territory.” ~G. Behn
I’m spending the next few weeks here, there and everywhere. With people who will hopefully motivate me and propel me. By the end of March I envision myself as The Little Helicopter That Could. But apropos of this and all other sundry thoughts of a casual Sunday morning, I ask you this: If you could live anywhere, where would that be? Don’t say Fiji or Belize or something based on warmth and the proportion of hot naked men to women, but based on the real things. Things like friends, family, job opportunities, etc. I’ll go first and in no particular order:
1) Northern California
2) Austin
3) Washington, DC
“Whoever one is, and wherever one is, one is always in the wrong if one is rude.” ~Maurice Baring
Scene: Basement laundry area. I’m waiting for two dryers to become available so I can put my stuff in. Earlier, I had waited 20 minutes to get to the washer before the owner of said clothes in the washer sauntered down. I only felt slightly bad but hey, people do it all the time – it’s happened to me – it happens to everyone. Annoying? Yes. But teaches you to get your ass downstairs in time.
The drying cycle ends and I have no pants for later. I open the door.
Two girls walk down. Blondie is carrying the pint sized brunette on her back.
Brunette (not looking at me): Could you really please not do that…
Me (looking right at her): Um, your stuff had been done. I was waiting and people are behind me waiting for dryers as well…
B (still avoiding eye contact) (possibly because I’m so menacing): Just don’t do that. It’s gross.
Me (guffaw): I’m so sorry to have put my germy hands on your clean clothing.
B: Ugh. It’s just RUDE. We knew it was you before so don’t do it.
Me: It wasn’t a secret!
B: …
Brunette and Blondie leaves while nary a word comes from Blondie’s mouth. Brunette is still huffing and puffing wanting to blow my condo down. She walks away.
Me: Sorry once again! I’M OFF TO BLEACH MY HANDS NOW!
I’ve lived quite a bit of time in buildings with public washers/dryers and even when I had a unit in my actual apartment, my roommate and I would take out each others things as they finished because it’s rude to monopolize the laundry area when it’s pretty clear that there are others who are waiting to use it. I’ve forgotten to remove my clothing multiple times and each time someone else has removed it for me. Yeah the first time I got huffy (to myself, of course) and then I realized that hmm, if I go down when my laundry is ready then maybe I can remove it myself thus keeping the line of laundering going smoothly. But then this half sized bitch comes down and has the audacity to not even be polite about it but then say “it’s gross”. And if she had just said, can you please not do that, I would’ve been like “Ok, whatever” and let it go but the added emphasis on how utterly GROSS it is to have someone’s hand on your stuff is what sent me into a tizzy.
This means that from now on, if I ever see her in the elevator, I’ll be sure not to touch the buttons for her or to hold the door open because I don’t want my disgusting germs infiltrating her pristine, immaculately clean space. P.S. For a girl so concerned with the cleanliness of others perhaps she should try a little Spray and Sash on some certain garments of clothing. Ahem.
What Would Emily Post Do?
“Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter which fork you use.” ~Emily Post
I’m pretty sure that I mentioned that I recently moved or at least if you follow me on Twitter you’ll know that I moved and I hated every mother fucking minute of it. Including the part where it rained and I got strep throat during my mandatory vacation time. And then I went back to work and everyone asked what I did during vacation and I gave them the finger and told them to bite me. Then hacked up a lung at their feet.
The end.
Anyway I’m planning a housewarming party to celebrate many things like Very Big Decision Making and to show off my design aesthetics. Of course there is nothing actually finished yet but I do have fabulous ideas and even my mother liked my ideas.
Yesterday I was telling one of my coworkers that I am planning a housewarming party and that it would be in the beginning of October so I had time to paint and properly arrange my matching tea kettle and tea cups. I was telling her that I still need towels to go with the bathroom and about my new duvet and shams from Anthropologie. She suggested that I register for my housewarming party and people would know what to bring me. Something other than a case of Oxford Landing GSM (*cough, cough*).
I laughed at first because who does that? It’s so selfish to register for a housewarming party and isn’t it a bit weird. But the more I thought about it the more my mind changed and once again I brought it up to my mother and she agreed with my coworker; that I can register and people do actually do that. I told my mother about my BlogTalkRadio pre-interview blurb where it was announced that I didn’t want a husband or children. So since according to them I will never ever have another opportunity to register for gifts then I should take this opportunity and run with it, right? RIGHT?
But what would Emily Post think about my registering for navy blue Ralph Lauren towels? Brilliant or tacky?