“We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.” ~Roderick Thorp
So, I’m sitting here having some wine and in my jammies. There’s some self loathing and the HBO signature channel which is like Lifetime lite; the kind that will only leave you kind of teary eyed but without full on sobbing. And suddenly I have this great epiphany, but it’s not an epiphany and more like “HEY DUMBASS! OVER HEEEERE!” I literally sit upright and realize that hey, dumbass, you are not in control. Then relax back on the couch and say ‘huh…’ to myself.
I talk to myself a lot when alone. I probably should get out more but that’s an entirely different conversation.
I apologize for this rambling and extraordinarily vapid post of introspection but I swear to God, for the past month I’ve been waking up and saying “Whatever happens, happens. It will be fine.” I write it out, I say it out loud, I tell friends all in an attempt to convince myself that things happen for a reason and things aren’t as bad as they seem because this is the first time that I’ve been completely out of control. There is no back up plan when things inevitably plan and I have ALWAYS had a back up plan. Obviously nothing is 100% definite but even when things have been at like 99.9% definite there is always a back up plan. I don’t want to end up completely unprepared.
Anyway, I’m on my couch realizing this and I smack my hand down and I don’t know…I figure why the hell not enjoy myself and be spontaneous? Fuck, the most spontaneous thing I’ve ever done is go to Oklahoma City and even that required some sort of planning and stress and hand wringing through Midway airport. But suddenly I don’t know…I don’t feel stressed…I’m just thinking ‘Okie dokie, here goes nothing. Stock up on the Pinot.’ I’m just gonna fly by the seat of my pants and I will inevitably fall on my ass. But for the first time ever – good lord, I am pathetic – it’s going to be OK. And holy hell, am I happy.
By the seat of my pants
“We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.” ~Roderick Thorp
So, I’m sitting here having some wine and in my jammies. There’s some self loathing and the HBO signature channel which is like Lifetime lite; the kind that will only leave you kind of teary eyed but without full on sobbing. And suddenly I have this great epiphany, but it’s not an epiphany and more like “HEY DUMBASS! OVER HEEEERE!” I literally sit upright and realize that hey, dumbass, you are not in control. Then relax back on the couch and say ‘huh…’ to myself.
I talk to myself a lot when alone. I probably should get out more but that’s an entirely different conversation.
I apologize for this rambling and extraordinarily vapid post of introspection but I swear to God, for the past month I’ve been waking up and saying “Whatever happens, happens. It will be fine.” I write it out, I say it out loud, I tell friends all in an attempt to convince myself that things happen for a reason and things aren’t as bad as they seem because this is the first time that I’ve been completely out of control. There is no back up plan when things inevitably plan and I have ALWAYS had a back up plan. Obviously nothing is 100% definite but even when things have been at like 99.9% definite there is always a back up plan. I don’t want to end up completely unprepared.
Anyway, I’m on my couch realizing this and I smack my hand down and I don’t know…I figure why the hell not enjoy myself and be spontaneous? Fuck, the most spontaneous thing I’ve ever done is go to Oklahoma City and even that required some sort of planning and stress and hand wringing through Midway airport. But suddenly I don’t know…I don’t feel stressed…I’m just thinking ‘Okie dokie, here goes nothing. Stock up on the Pinot.’ I’m just gonna fly by the seat of my pants and I will inevitably fall on my ass. But for the first time ever – good lord, I am pathetic – it’s going to be OK. And holy hell, am I happy.