Category Archives: Humdrum

One moment please

By nopasanada | Published: July 13, 2010

“Men for the sake of getting a living forget to live. ” ~Margaret Fuller

In my haste with my last post I think I mentioned something about Seattle but not that I had been in New Orleans right before that or that I threw a party right before that I or that I was in Denver right before that. Or did I? I don’t know. Either way, it feels as if Foursquare (somewhere Liz G. is cringing) and Twitter have been my only lifelines to the Internet. Other than that I’ve been kind of AWOL because I still have no new computer and I hate the one I’m using and I’ve been all around the country and I’d really just like some peace and quiet in my life. Either that or just a few moments to focus on things that are really important to me that I haven’t been able to get a handle on. Like a website redesign that continues to be stalled or the wine I’m supposed to be talking about or the book I should have reviewed three weeks ago or the post I need to have written by Sunday. I should be helping to plan a party and getting ready for New York and instead I feel that what I really want to be doing I can’t do and I am unable to make time for…well…anything.

I’m bleh. And other things…the unmentionables.

Oh yes, that list. Thank you for sharing what you won’t blog about and like a lot of you work talk is a no no. Then there’s money talk (making it, spending it…it’s embarrassing) then there’s my sex life. Or lack thereof. And I’ve backed away from discussing my relationships with other people because that’s between us and not me, that person and the Internet. Everything else I’m pretty open to, at least I think. I dunno…maybe.

Fuck, I should have just titled this post “I dunno…maybe” because that is how I’m feeling right now. All out of sorts and in need of getting back to my groove and unsure of what comes next. I feel as if I’m on the cusp of something – maybe – but I’m waiting for something. I’m not sure what but give me a moment. Please.

Also posted in If I'm not here... | 6 Comments

Just Happy to be Here*

By nopasanada | Published: July 7, 2010

“It is while you are patiently toiling at the little tasks of life that the meaning and shape of the great whole of life dawn on you. ” ~Phillips Brooks

I was going to start off with a sting of complaints. Starting with a very late evening after a one day trip to DC. A trip full of running and jockying to and fro on Capitol Hill. At the end of the day I was standing in the airport parking lot rummaging around for car keys. Frustrated, tired, hungry, genuine feelings of inadequacy. I was total bad news bears and cursing when the pocket that held my MacBook suddenly popped open. You know those slow motion scenes where the character goes diving head first to save an object? Well I was the opposite. I kind of just stood there with a this cannot be happening look on my face. Willing my laptop to bounce of the pavement. But it did not. So here I am greatly looking forward to this unexpected expense and have been for the last several weeks.

And really that’s how things have been over here. A comedy of errors, if you will. One thing happens then another then another until my little house of cards comes toppling down. Usually in the form of tears. About two weeks ago I called my mother and was a giant ball of sobs and gasps for air. Peg said, very calmly, “You’re stressed and this is not helping”. Which is exactly it, you know. It’s stupid stuff like how I’m not home for enough time to allow FedEx to deliver said new Macbook or how I can’t get people to do very basic things. It’s relentless and, to be honest, unbloggable.

There are two interesting things to point out before I pose a question to you. Thing the first is that this isn’t where this post was headed. I was going to complain about travel. In fact this was written, long hand, during a 5 hour 50 minute flight to Seattle. Thing the second is that while my brain has been like a hamster on its wheel, I’ve been able to cook up some fun things that I’m really and truly looking forward to so I’m excited and yet….life, man. LIFE.

Thing the second shocks me for here I am crying one day and the next day finding pure joy in the people I get to surround myself with in a few short weeks. It’s interesting how the mind works.

Oh yes, my question, since we’re here and I’m curious: What subjects and topics are on your WILL NOT BLOG list?

I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.

*borrowed from Susan.

Also posted in Blogology | 16 Comments

Into Lemonade

By nopasanada | Published: June 1, 2010

“That’s it, I quit, I’m moving on” – Sam Cooke

Many weeks ago I had to purchase a new hard drive and it was a really awful thing. There will be some who take no pity and question why I’m flaunting new hardware for my thousand dollar MacBook. But then there will be the others who understand the pain of losing a huge part of your life. It’s not just a photo or a picture. It’s that picture where we look happy or this song that breaks my heart below the song that makes me jump on my bed. All of those things gone and now I’m left to start over from scratch. I remember going back to the Apple store days later to discuss my iWork versus Word dilemma and telling the hipster behind the Genius Bar that I was contemplating because I had to get a new hard drive and now I have nothing. And do you know what he did? That asshole said, “Yeah” all nonchalantly then he smirked. SMIRKED. Jerk.

So I here I sit in an awfully humid – like DC in July humid or New York City in August (you poor people have no clue what you’re getting yourselves into) (heh) (now I’m smirking) – office staring at my sparse iTunes library. I’m only now realizing that there are entire chunks of albums that are missing. I mean I currently have three songs from the Once soundtrack and all of Contra is into thin air and oh my God, John Legend? Singing what is sure to be my wedding song? Gone, baby. Gone. This is where you come in, my loyal readers and followers: What music should I buy? See, lemons into lemonade. I now have the power and this vast emptiness with which to fill with all sorts of new music. I also now have Time Machine that I use once a week as to avoid this crappy situation once again. On the other hand my hard drive is kinda of naked and dire need of a new wardrobe. Who am I to say no?

Posted in Humdrum | 11 Comments

Freud says…

By nopasanada | Published: May 13, 2010

“Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.” ~William Dement

Over the last several weeks – and I’ve been hesitant to mention this because, my God, what will The People say – but over the last several weeks I have been privy to a string of interesting dreams. And interesting would be putting my nighttime REM party mildly. I awake not feeling refreshed and recharged but checking my phone and my surroundings to see if what had happened then was just a figment of my hyperactive imagination or reality. I’ve been fired very sternly and when that dream occurred on a Saturday, I awoke on Sunday at 6:30 AM ready to save myself and make a grocery list that consisted of Ramen Noodles and maybe a can of Spaghetti-O’s. I was sleeping at my mother’s house that evening and so I went up to her room to tell her my tale. That my boss had fired me and she agreed with him and because I was so angry that she agreed with him I didn’t want to speak to her and then I ended up moving out of my apartment – meanwhile crying because it’s a Recession and there are no jobs – so I could live with my cousin.

My mother just ‘mmm hmm-ed’ her way through my story only stopping to ask if her hair looked ok after using a new flat iron.

A few days later it happened again. Then again. And every few days or so I’d wake up, look around and force myself to believe that no, no, everything is just fine. And then last night was a doozy: My father and his long-term girlfriend (question: are they called ‘girlfriends’ when the people involved are over 60? What would the proper word for this type of relationship be?) had a baby. Seriously. A BABY. That wasn’t even the strangest part the part that threw me for a loop was when we (my boss, some other colleagues, my brothers and my cousin – trust me, none of these people would I host at a dinner party together. Oil and water and milk.) were at the hospital but the hospital was next to the mall. Not our mall, mind you, but some random mall that had a two story Ruby Tuesday that was like the size of a Macy’s. Also making an appearance in said dream were the IRS and my aunt who died last year. Joining me via telephone was my former boss now colleague and another colleague with whom I have a perfectly wonderful relationship.

If I could give names and composites of these people and how they do not intertwine I suppose it would all make far more sense to you. Because right now it is coming across as dreams usually do when told to a second or third party; which is a hearty ‘huh’. I mean what response can you have to a dream about a bunch of people you don’t know? But that isn’t my problem. Clearly these dreams are starting to become a problem for each morning I wake up with an anecdote. One should not have anecdotes come dawn about something that occurred between the hours of 11 PM and 6 AM. The only story that should come from ones mouth about that time of day should be about the amount of drool or the sheet crease impressions left on your cheek. Not about how clearly something in your head is completely out of whack.

I don’t know. Perhaps it’s the increase in medication? In lieu of being consumed by hypomania during the day I must experience extraordinary brain activity at night? Though I’m sure Freud would have something to say about why my boss continues to make an appearance in my dreams. Digression: I’ve told my boss about each one and he just laughs. Like ‘oh ho ho, Heather, you’re a special one’ and then goes about his day. But…and I keep saying but…I just wonder – out loud of course – what it all means. Then again I shouldn’t worry too much. They’re just dreams. Right?

It’s just a dream.