Archive for the 'Bordeaux' Category

Crazy love

April 2, 2007 | Filed under: Bordeaux, The object of my obsession, Whoopdie Doo

“Computers must be male. As soon as you commit to one you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the day.” ~Author Unknown

I never thought I’d be this person. A person who loves unconditionally, even though there might be some flaws, I see past them to see the overall beauty of Bordeaux. I thought Mac people were silly, creative, hipster types who sipped lattes in trendy coffee shops while hunched over their computers writing about Nietzsche. Those ‘right-brain’, smart types with the ability to be expressive and visionary while using big words in complete sentences. A group of people that I have no business cavorting with.

And then one day it was as if I made this rather big decision to see what all the hype was all about. Mahill kept professing his love for Steve Jobs and that whole ‘you can just plug it in and it works’ nonsense. I called bullshit though and needed to look and test drive and lightly touch the perfectly pristine cover. I saved my pennies and brought home Bordeaux and ever since then I have been in deep love.

Oh you all do not even know of the things that can be done with this machine. The comic strips and the easy start up and the way that iphoto proves to be more interesting to an 18 month old than Blue’s Clues. Behold, a miracle.

It has made coming home to sit down and write less of a seizure inducing ‘I’m going to go stick my head in this oven’ activity. And more of a pleasure…more like an ‘I’m going to sit here and drink some Malbec while fondly thinking of a million other ways to pepper my writing with the f-word’ activity. When Stacy brought Pax home and spoke of her discovery and the way it truly can change one’s life and way of thinking, I wanted to hug her from 3,000 miles away and exclaim YES! For it is amazing.

The drawback would be the daytime. Those eight hours a day in which I’m forced to be at the beckon call of Michael Dell’s ass box. The way I slam on the keyboard and move the mouse around frantically as it eats away at precious time I could be using for copying and watching baseball, because it continuously freezes. And when it doesn’t freeze, it just shuts itself down and restarts all by itself. Which might prove just how far technology has advanced and maybe there’ll be flying cars tomorrow, but for now it’s a fucking pain in the ass nuisance. Every morning I die a little inside knowing that I have to ctrl+alt+del my way through the following eight hours. It’s a sad, sad existence.

True Story: This weekend, I was running late and had Bordeaux in the back seat. I made a sharp turn off of the Beltway and he fell. I picked him up as soon as I noticed what had happened and hugged him to my chest and hoped – nay, prayed – that he would be OK* and fully functional when I went to watch Best in Show for the 45th time. Of course, he was. But I fear that day, many years from now, when I learn the hard way that Steve Jobs might not be the genius that I had originally thought, but we do not speak of that. For now I feel like this might be how parenting goes for me. Name the kid some shitty name like Cabernet, drop it, kiss it’s boo boo, then fall asleep on top of it after using it to watch Borat naked wrestle a fat man. I am poised to be quite awesome at that whole parenting thing.

*Believe it or not, the same thing once happened with a six pack of Pilsner Urquell. I stopped short and hit someone’s bumper. The first thing I did was turn around to MAKE SURE THE BEER WAS OK and then I checked my car. For I have my priorities straight.

I can see clearly now

January 17, 2007 | Filed under: Bordeaux

“It isn’t the mountains ahead that wear you out; it’s the grain of sand in your shoe” - Anonymous

To say that I’ve been in an absolutely horrible mood for the past six months would be an understatement. Something about sleeping on a mattress on my bedroom floor every night since August, probably is what put me in such a sour disposition. But over the past week the clouds have parted and I feel less inclined to be menacing and threatening. Literally almost every night for the past six months – save the moments when I’ve been away and/or sleeping at Kris’ – I’ve had to sleep on my fucking floor. There is nothing worse than going home to sleep on the fucking floor with the fucking laptop that only works when the spirit moves it to do so. A laptop that turns into a desktop attached to a 14 year old monitor that again, only works when you pray over it. Even then I’m pretty sure that the whole thing makes the baby Jesus and I cry.

And now I sleep on an actual bed with a fully functional laptop that makes me want to go home and write and be productive rather than dread writing. You might suspect hyperbole but every second that I spent in my bedroom with the shitty mattress on the floor and the computer that I needed, nay, wanted to write with, but couldn’t, made me a very unhappy person. Given my predisposition to being a bitch, try multiplying that by 114. All of this with a recently cleaned carpet – hell yeah I got that sucker cleaned – with a cute new floor lamp and wall clock and storage thingies that are useless since I just dump shit in there anyway, but at least they match my new area rug.

And I shall dwell in the house of Ikea forever and ever. Amen.

2007 is going to be a good year all because I now sleep on an actual bed like and don’t want to put my fist through the damn computer.

Priceless

January 14, 2007 | Filed under: Bordeaux

“We can tell our values by looking at our checkbook stubs” - Gloria Steinem

Being able to turn on my computer without wanting to cry and/or toss it out of the window and/or wanting to put my fist through the monitor is really quite priceless.

Welcome, little guy.

It doesn’t have a name yet so suggestions would be helpful.

(Also, that bed that it’s on is brand new too. As is the mattress. Am now officially broke and donations to the ‘Heather B. will need to eat at some point this week’, fund are being accepted now. They’re also tax detuctible.)