“Now, out of boredom (yes I’m bored and no I’m not afraid to say it), frustration and good ole fashioned narcissism, I’ve decided to write about it. Even if just to amuse myself.” – Me
BlogHer coincides with the anniversary of the start of this blog. So, I return more pensive than usual (the first post lives here, if you are so inclined). The first year – at least – is speckled with my shaking my fists at the Universe as it forced me into adulthood and the frustration of leaving the safety and security of childhood for…well…this. You can’t see but I just made a sweeping gesture to my surroundings. I tapped my finger on a stack of bills and post-it notes reminding me of phone calls to make and where to be and when. This is what it is now. Getting here wasn’t particularly graceful but I have managed to fall into it without breaking any bones. Though No Pasa Nada is only six years old, it is considered ancient in Internet years but what I see from the past is a very young, 21 year old woman unsure of herself and her everything. Now I see a woman who is 27 going on 28. Still unsure of being called ‘adult’ but rolling with it. Tectonic plates have shifted and now I am here at this desk with this office and the home and with it all. Not where I expected but I take it each day. 21 would have shunned so much of this because of its imperfections, however small. 27 likes the scratches and dents and will to run with it anyway.
Six years ago I never expected to essentially come of age in front of a live studio audience. I held my finger over the publish button, took a deep breath and that was it.
I never expected you. I regret many things but this will never be one of them and for that I am eternally thankful.
I spent all of yesterday on Google+ and then I’d go to Facebook or Twitter and exclaim that Google+ is made of magic and full of double rainbows, unicorns, sprinkles and whatever other good you can conjure up in your little head. The truth is that for me, Google+ is exactly what I’ve always wanted but had no idea that it was missing. A social media platform that brings together what we love about Facebook, Twitter, Posterous and Tumblr. It brings back of the joy of having conversations on these public platforms without feeling so constrained by character limits or worrying that 5,000 people might read your words. There are of course caveats like you should always be careful when using SM platforms less you enjoy unemployment and if that’s the case then hey! Can I borrow a couple bucks from you?
Reboot
*NEW SITE ALERT*
“We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves.” ~Lynn Hall
I started blogging because I was bored. Bored and working for Howard Dean which meant that I would have a million stories to tell and I wanted one spot to put those stories instead of repeating the story over and over again adding in great flourish with each telling. I wanted one spot for the typical ennui and uncertainty that comes from graduating from college and getting your first job. I read back on entries from August of 2005 and wonder who that girl was? Though, I suppose, that when it comes down to it, I remain pretty much the same. I look the same, save for a few gray hairs and an extra few pounds on my hips. But I’m no longer diving into the great unknown of adulthood. I’m here. Comfortably treading water. Of course I sputter a bit but doesn’t everyone? For the most part it’s floating, waves come, I sink a bit and then I bob right back to the surface.
In 2005 I would have told you everything with little care as to who might be reading. In 2005 I would have written five entries on the same topic just so you really understood that I was angry. I wouldn’t internalize or think before typing. It would all just be out there for the world to see and if questioned, 21 year old me would have said, “I’m just telling my truth and how I feel” everyone else be damned. It’s how 21 year olds think or actually they just don’t. I would have wanted to be honest so that all 38 of my readers would like me. I wanted to use the word ‘fuck’ in every other sentence just to get a reaction and show you how ‘real’ I am.
Maybe I’m not ‘real’ anymore or honest. Or maybe I no longer need the attention or to do things for shock value. Perhaps I see myself as something more, and my life – singular as it may seem – as a thread of someone else’s life. And so on and so forth. I can’t vomit words anymore or tell the whole truth, nothing but the truth because – as it has taken me almost seven years to realize – nothing is just about me. Oh, it might feel like it at times. Especially as when I go through what feels like an eternity of utter loneliness. In 2005 at 21 I would have flopped on my bed claiming that my life is OVERRRRRRRR. In 2012 at 28 things right now are far from perfect. In fact the things are running circles around perfect, with tongues wagging screaming “YOU CAN’T CATCH ME!” And yet there is nothing in my head telling me to share. I am now more inclined to keep things close to the vest. No one needs to know everything at that very second. I feel inclined to think before I put something in words. Most importantly, I’ve realized that so much of my personal life is just that, personal.
It’s no secret that as my life has changed and almost seven years have past that this site would inevitably change along with everything else. Which brings me to this day – a new site, a new focus, a new source of inspiration. Other changes on the horizon. I’m happy to see what I was at 21 morph into what I am at 28. I have always said that if anything, I am happy to have a very detailed account of my 20′s. My 20′s are almost over but – and permission to be cliché – so much is just beginning. I hope you’ll come with me to see what’s next.
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New sites, new info:
For Poliogue’s feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/Poliogue
For No Pasa Nada’s feed (because you hate all things politics): http://feeds.feedburner.com/No-Pasa-Nada
New Facebook, too: http://www.facebook.com/HeatherLBarmore