Archive for the '10 years older' Category

I heart Jake Ryan

June 25, 2007 | Filed under: 10 years older, Humdrum

“It’s really human of you to listen to all my bullshit.” – Samantha Baker

I keep a long list of ‘Fodder’ on a bright pink sticky pad in my office. The random shit that comes to me in the middle of the day during a conference call or when thinking about what will be served at a barbeque. I had every intention of bringing the sticky with me this afternoon when I left at 3 PM. Sorry, I need to say that again and in bold italics: 3 PM. Even though I was given permission to leave at 2 PM, after I had enjoyed all of the Ben and Jerry’s my little heart could desire.

Basically, I work in heaven. If heaven included a free mini Ben and Jerry’s scoop shop, every Monday afternoon.

I was so full of a deliciously made New York Super Fudge Chunk sundae that I came home to watch the remaining half hour of General Hospital and then nap, because I was deliriously full of ice cream. Instead of falling asleep to The Departed or Fight Club or A Clockwork Orange again, I decided to go for something with a little less blood and instead decided to get a little John Cusack action.

Watching him all adorably pitiful in the rain in High Fidelity, brought me back to my very recent and intense introduction to Lloyd Dobler which for some reason led to Jake Ryan. I fell asleep thinking of Lloyd Dobler and Jake Ryan. Which – ignoring how my mind works for a brief moment – begs the question of Why? Why did it take me so many years to discover the wonder of Lloyd and Jake? And is it OK for me to play catch up some 20 years later? I mean how many objections would I get to discussing Jake Ryan every day for the next six months (or days) with an accompanying photo? My guess, is not too many.

In your eyes

June 15, 2006 | Filed under: 10 years older, Humdrum

“The rain on my car is a baptism, the new me, Ice Man, Power Lloyd, my assault on the world begins now.”- Lloyd Dobler

Dear Diary,
My name is HB (like you didn’t already know). And today, for the first time ever, I have discovered the magic and eternal optimism that is Lloyd Dobler. My only excuse for this sad state of affairs is that I spent most of 1989 as a five year old attempting first position in ballet and proper way to eat paste.

But now, I am schooled. I think I may even want my very own Mr. Dobler who deserves the same salutation as Mr. Darcy, because he’s just that awesome.

Despite that fatal flaw of my upbringing, I would like to take this time to mention that today I also made great strides in my social phobia. I managed to have a conversation, at a table, with actual adults in which everything I said didn’t come out like “skaislkjfusklityslkhfi…like…yeah…akdifhltish.” A conversation at a table with adults that I barely know and who most likely think I’m some crazy imposing child. But who cares? I smiled and was nice.

So, as you can see, today was a big day. Tomorrow? Dear diary, I have a crush and would like some new jordache jeans.

G’night,
HB

In the Queue

June 11, 2006 | Filed under: 10 years older, Humdrum

Disclaimer: Word on the street is that in a year or so, I’ll want to kick the people at Netflix in their respective baby making parts, because I will no longer be a valuable customer to them, and they will in turn start sending me crap movies. Until then, I am basking in the glory that it is and have turned it into a lovely little masterpiece (HA!) for B4B. And Dagny just gave me this idea, bonus points/love/undying affection/whatever else you can think of, goes to the person who can name all of the movies that I have alluded to.

“Through the magic of motion pictures, someone who’s never left Peoria knows the softness of a Paris spring, the colour of a Nile sunset, the sorts of vegetation one will find along the upper Amazon and that Big Ben has not yet gone digital.” -Vincent Canby

I once owned a TalkBoy, which G and I would carry around religiously. We even brought it to Manhattan, the scene of Kevin McCallister’s latest caper, and carried it through FAO Schwartz. On that first trip to FAO Schwartz, I tried to play Heart and Soul on the floor piano like Josh Baskin but minus the creepy fortune teller machine to turn me into a 33 year old overnight.

Come to think of it, I never thought that I could turn a beast back into a prince, be a live pawn on a board game or that mermaids could learn to walk (but I did believe in mermaids). And yet, I will admit to clapping so that Tinkerbell could fly and seriously deliberating what would happen if my father shrunk us in a science experiment gone awry.

Garrett and I forced the padres to purchase a tree house, so we could conjure up imaginary meals and scream ‘Rufio’ at the top of our lungs. Our neighbors? Well, they were rarely seen and I’m quite sure that their eldest son was the perfect likeness to Sloth – bald head, giant fucked up eye and all - but finding him would never lead to any lost treasure. And sadly, Corey Feldman – hunk that he was – wouldn’t be there either.

To this day, I have a serious and unrelenting fear that a clown will murder me and that a psychotic, red headed doll will come out of its package and bludgeon me to death. If I could look those two up, I would, but I would like to sleep with the lights off tonight.

I was even most certain that my father, with the aid of latex and a body suit, could turn himself into a convincing – yet ass ugly - female nanny to care for us while my mother worked.

Just last night, my ice cold, tar black heart turned into a giant pile of mush; my eyes welled up with tears as I got that all too familiar lump in the back of my throat. If Noah and Allie could find each other again, then surely there is hope for me. Next week? I’ll believe and begin praying for a guy with a boom box (or I suppose an ipod or XM) and an ugly trench coat to stand outside of my window and profess his undying love for me.

Therein lies the beauty of a movie…that magic and power to make a small child believe that a baseball team will come out of a corn field (I was totally convinced) or that every girl will find her own Lloyd Dobler and live happily ever after.