Who will help you move a body?

“A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere.  Before him I may think aloud.  I am arrived at last in the presence of a man so real and equal, that I may drop even those undermost garments of dissimulation, courtesy, and second thought, which men never put off, and may deal with him with the simplicity and wholeness with which one chemical atom meets another. ” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Brene Brown. I’m sorry, DOCTOR Brene Brown did the opening keynote at BlissDom. During her presentation she said something that resonated with me for the entire weekend: She asked us to tear off a piece of paper and write down the names of the people in your life who would help you move a body. The people you could go to for anything and everything. The people who instead of judgment would grab your face with both hands and say “Ok, we can do this together and you will be alright.” That friend. If you had asked me six years ago which of my friends would help me move a body, the friend who would do nothing more than want me to be ok, I would have said LB. She’s on that list still but I wouldn’t have guessed that two 40 something moms would make that list as well. I would have never imagined that the first person I would call while in tears or to discuss my sex life or would be Chris and Susan.

During my sophomore year of college I disappeared for a weekend. Not far, just to the apartment I recently rented down the street from campus. After a few days had passed I felt ok again, like I could face the world so I went back to campus and LB was so, so mad at me. She just looked at me and with utter disappointment she said, “We will talk about this later” and walked away. Later in the day we sat in the Mary Graydon Center and she said, “What’s the matter with you? You can’t just disappear like that. I worried about you. Didn’t you have friends who worried about you?” The things is that I hadn’t. I didn’t have real friends – you know the kind that actually give a shit if your crying and love you just the same. The friends that you regard as family. I didn’t have friends like that until college. Isn’t that sad? Or maybe it’s just pathetic? Or maybe I should tell you about me in middle through high school with my clarinet and high-water pants and sweater vests. Yes, the sweater vest.

The friends that you make as an adult you choose not because they’re in your homeroom but because when something happens, you know, those days when you are total flaming bitch and horrible, they will still want to make sure you’re ok. They’ll reach out to your other body moving friends just to check on you. They’ll let you sleepover and cuddle and will stay up until 2 AM with you discussing Didacticism and then three hours later will bring you to the airport with a cup of coffee to go. Those are the friends who will help you move a body. They’ll embrace you despite your flaws and that is what I keep going back to.

They love you despite your flaws. It’s those six words that make all the difference. All the difference in the world.