“Life is a series of collisions with the future.” ~José Ortega y Gasset
I have until the close of business today to write something “fabulous” about myself. I’m participating in an event on Sunday and in reading the brief bios of the other participants I’m suddenly self-conscious. More self-conscious than normal. The kind where I scan a room and wonder if it’s me that is doing it all wrong.
The other ladies involved are close to my age and have 14 month old children and husbands and a motherfucking M.D. They have houses, probably in Niskayuna or Guilderland where their property taxes are through the roof but they have multiple bedrooms and sizable dining rooms for entertaining. They’re probably the kind of people who have matching sets of wine glasses where as I have what would be called ‘eclectic’. I break them as I stumble around the apartment. That’s the kind of life I have. It is one where I spend a lot of time with a wine bottle and my laptop busting out posts left and right and watching DVRed episodes of Neil Cavuto.
I like my life. I swear, I do. It’s just that…I don’t know. Everyone is getting married and getting pregnant. They have these very tangible signs of progress through life and I have a cat that pees on things because he’s pissed off that I’m away again. But I get to travel to DC to my heart’s content. I get to bond with my faux literary agent over margaritas in Martha’s Vineyard. I get to make trips to resorts in Park City just because I can. What I find troubling is my reaction when I hear of the marriage, baby thing I can’t just shrug it off. I start to take a look at myself: Almost 27 and very alone.
Then again, I have a king sized bed to myself and if I fancy a cupcake and beer for dinner then a cupcake and beer it is. I don’t have to check-in with anyone pre-departure. I have my family and my friends and a job that affords me such luxuries as health insurance and 25 days of vacation that I have to hurry up and use. I’m appreciative, as I should be. But is it all that wrong to have some angst of what the others have? Will the grass be all that greener on the other side?
13 Comments
I feel the same angst, except from the other side. I’m 28 and just got married but with my husband’s job/career I’ll probably never get the chance to have my own career. At some point there will be babies and I’ll hopefully have more time for creative endeavors rather than plugging away at a job. But right now I (sometimes) mourn the loss of that other life.
The good thing about marriage is that cupcakes and beer for dinner are still am option, you just have someone to remind you that maybe a slice of pizza would be good before dessert!
Hi! I’m 27 and very alone. Its okay, the water is fine – come on in.
I like to think that if I am meant to be with someone – well, I’m just so awesome that my PIC (partner-in-crime) is just taking a little extra time to be made as awesome. =) Sometimes that falters… often actually, as I live in a Fly-OverState and definitely the majority of people my age are married and with at least one child – generally already working on their second. But we’re (well, almost) TWENTY SEVEN. That really is not that old. And think of all the great stories you’re collecting now – to share with him and children later.
I think you have the right attitude – treasuring these moments of being able to travel freely without a child. To go to sleep when you want and wake up when YOUR alarm goes off, not when his does. Its what has helped me. Well that and cereal for dinner. What? Its healthy! (ish). But- its a weird dichotomy of feelings. To be content and happy with where I am – and the freedom that it allows, but .. I’m starting to get there. Starting to get to the point where I think I’d like to be tied down a little. Just a smidge.
Girl, you have a place in this world and a destination has been created with your name on it. In the meantime, WRITE, for goodness sake. I love-love-love reading your posts – happy, irritated, dark – they are all you and I find them to be much like a patchwork quilt – colorful and warming to those who can connect with you.
Peace baby.
Be where you are, in the moment, right now. Babies and husbands and houses come, they do… and when you’re here, you’ll think back to all the fun and sleeping in and travel at a moments notice you could do. I promise.
In a word, no. It isn’t wrong.
The grass is always greener, on every side of the fence, and it’s that space where we can dream about the life we don’t have – be it you dreaming of mine, or me dreaming of yours – that allows us to life fancifully. I wouldn’t trade my world for anything, but I just as soon wouldn’t trade the moments I have when I am free to imagine a life outside it.
Being grounded is good for us, but so is being ethereal and explorative. And it makes us, I think, appreciate what we do have on the ground when we decide to come back to it, however many glasses of wine and Neal Cavuto reruns later.
The other day we were introducing the new guy at work. Who has an MD. And an MBA. And a JD. I was like “Ok, dude, YOU WIN AT DEGREES.” Yeesh.
I was reading this thinking – those people you are speaking about are envying you right now. Just be the fabulous woman you are. It will all come together. Once you are married you will wonder why you were in such a hurry. Seriously.
I didn’t get married ’til 35, and here I am at 39, pregnant with my second! So, there is no hurry. Also, I would literally sell my soul for ONE day where I could just be alone and stumble around my house breaking a wine glass. Truth? This shit is not a bed of roses. Obviously, I love my husband and I adore my child(ren) – but I am so glad I waited until “later” to live this part of my life, because it is hard, it is work, it is tiring, I don’t get a lot of ME time. It brings unbelievable joy too, but it was way simpler when it was just me in my apartment and no one needed anything from me. Enjoy what you have. The rest will come.
Hey there… have been lurking around your site for a little while now and I have to say that you DEFINITELY bring way more to the table than those ladies from Nisky or Guilderland… I feel I can say that with some authority as I lived in the Capital Region for 10 years during college and law school and worked at many restaurants and bars in that area. Having waited on the aforementioned “ladies”, I can safely say that for the most part their lives are not worth coveting, at least not yet lady! Enjoy the freedom being 26, single and unfettered brings!
You aren’t wrong to feel the way you do. It makes me sad that we as a society set it up that way. But, and now I’m going to say what is completely the wrong thing, but I’m in crisis, so I’m going to go with it:
At 29 and married, right now? I would kill someone to trade places with you. And not to make it into a bad joke, but specifically I’m thinking of my mother in law. But then she’s a sociopath.
So see! we can both be a little stereotypical. Grass is always greener and all that.
Good things will come, in whatever form they take.
Wait, you’re ONLY 26? You are so fantastically accomplished already, and maybe it’s just being in NYC, but to me single is the default state for age 26. I’m a decade older and most people I know hadn’t even met their current spouse at 26, let alone married and procreated. (In fact, a married 26-year-old with kids would be considered slightly freakish here.) Live it up! You have all the time in the world for that other stuff.
I am 37 and single and loving it.
A lot of my friends are married, most with children. When I was your age I thought I might be missing out on something but now I like my simple life. I like that I can go where I want and do what I want. Selfish? Yes, a little but, because it does not harm anyone else, it’s OK.
Maybe one day I will meet someone but he will have to be really impressive because me and my dog are quite content as we are!
A wise person once told me that the grass is always greener on the other side, especially over the septic tank. It made me laugh and helped me get through whatever I was going through at the time. Hope it helps you feel better, too.