Book Review: Half Baked

“I might get pregnant, but then there were miscarriage, still birth, and SIDS to worry about – not to mention the inevitable misery when my baby left for college and stopped returning my calls. My anxiety was so practiced and efficient that I could begin with a small thing in the present, and be fretting within moments about hypothetical events 20 years in the future. “ – Alexa Stevenson

First and foremost I will say that I was requested to write this review by Alexa Stevenson herself. Her request was that I write a review about her memoir Half Baked from the perspective of a blogger who has read her fair share of blog to book works. I’ve ended a number of those books with a succinct, “Well I just paid $14.95 for their blog in hardcover. Thanks, Penguin!” With that disclaimer out of the way I can now move to the meat of this book and it’s impact on my…well…my everything.

Bloggers slowly but surely, become well versed at paring down the full story to only its most interesting bits. We keep the rest for ourselves tucked away for later. For surely a simple blog post need not require 27 paragraphs. I have been a loyal reader of Flotsam for the last three years and with entrance of the “Science Babies” into the story arch, I always knew that there had to more. So Alexa does what we would want any blogger with a compelling story to do; she tells the rest. The nitty gritty and parts of her are laid flat to bare as she conveys to her readers what she has been waiting the past two years to say.

And says it all she does. If you are unfamiliar with Alexa’s story – perhaps you’re just stopping by briefly and this is the first thing you read – the story follows an anxiety ridden woman’s quest to have a baby. But it isn’t that simple. Though is it ever? Alexa leads us from the beginning where she’s standing in her kitchen “pondering [her] backside” and where exactly to place a needle with her husband Scott to those first contractions explained in such detail that I grasped the fleshy part of my tummy soothing my terrified uterus. Then to the meeting of her son Ames who passed away much to soon. And walks us meticulously through each of her daughter Simone’s ailments and bumps along the way to, through and out of the NICU.

“Without fail, daily, I listen to ‘What’s My Name?’ by Snoop Dogg, and Biggie singing ‘Juicy.’ I feel bolstered and hardcore, ready for whatever may come, my loins girded with fierce bravado. The volume is loud enough, I am certain, that the beat travels my bloodstream, and I imagine Simone dancing inside me as she throws her fetal hands in the motherfucking air, and waves those tiny motherfuckers like she just don’t care.”

As readers of Flotsam blog we already know the ending. We know that Simone is a little cherub. She’s an opinionated two year old full of words and personality. Though even know we know what will happen next you will not be help but root for Simone and her mother and laugh and cry with them as they traverse what was once unknown.

On a personal note what has drawn me to Alexa over these years is that we forged our bond over a constant worry over what might happen. The What Ifs far outweighed what was happening in the present and that is the crux of this book: That a woman who constantly feared the worst finally faces it. And she writes it all with a pure vulnerability sometimes pain,  that there were moments when I needed to stop reading to breathe. I stopped, went to Flotsam to see Simone right there smiling and knowing that things would, in fact, be OK.

But how did I miss this? You might ask yourself as you read. Or why didn’t she say anything? Because as it’s going on and one is caught in turmoil of life it is difficult to paint that perfect picture complete with the particulars and complexities that a story of waiting and wanting deserves. With Half Baked Alexa allows us into one of the most painful, surprising and beautiful moments of her life. She tells the entire tale and it’s a story to read and be grateful for as she lets us in to the most vulnerable parts of her life. She does so with such eloquence and attention to detail that we cannot wait to go back for more.

“Nursing, is I think the most intimate profession…Nurses witness and care for us at our most vulnerable. They clean up our fluids; they give us sponge baths. They see us when we are afraid and when we are dying. They hold our emesis basins and they are the ones who remain after the doctor who has given bad news is gone”

*I am giving away a signed (boo-yah) copy of Half Baked. All you have to do is leave a comment by  Saturday, September 18 at noon EST. I will then pick a name at random and send you your signed (again I say BOO-YAH) copy.