Period

“Life is simple, it’s just not easy.”  ~Author Unknown

A few days ago I was speaking with Susan RE:  the living arrangements upon my move to Oklahoma City. Natch. Anyway between rapid texts she asked what I’ve been up to. And since I am most positive that you were sitting there with baited breath wondering the same thing, I figured I’d tell you all about the excitement all up in here.

Brace yourselves.

We got a new grocery store. A Fresh Market to be exact and it’s fine, I suppose. I mean it has food that tastes good and you can make your own six pack of beer and the coffee is divine but the prices…Oh the prices. I’m pretty sure I shouted ‘fuck me’ when during my most recent trip the total came to $93 and change. Actually I said ‘fuck me’ as I clutched my chest and fell to the floor. And now I’m eating a bowl of ramen and a 40 oz of Budweiser I hustled from the corner store. Livin’ large. But the real culprit is the state of their tortilla chips. They were like five bucks and taste like something my cat chewed up and spit out. How the hell do you ruin tortilla chips? It all seems pretty basic to me and yet their chips will assault your mouth and make you hate guacamole. Yeah, I said it, even a big ass bowl of guacamole can’t save these suckers as the taste transcends avocado and onion to make you feel like you’ve got vomit coating your teeth. You’re welcome.

The other big news is that I got my first sunburn or at least I think it’s a sunburn and wouldn’t surprise me if it were. This is because one afternoon a little over a week ago my dear friend KG brought me to the beach and during that trip to the beach we spent a solid six hours outside. And instead of my nap time being spent under the covers and in shade I spent that time standing in the middle of a pond dragging her six year old around on a boogie board. The other day – approximately 8 days after that experience – I went to take a shower and noticed something on my shoulder. But I couldn’t exactly say what it was. So I shrugged and hopped into the shower. Upon getting out of the shower though the spot(s) on my shoulders were worse and was that…flaking? So I started to pick and I shit you not my entire shoulder shed its skin and fell into my sink. And then I passed out because WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SHIT?!? Susan’s response to this remarkable discovery of my skin falling off my body in large pieces was to say “That’s usually a white girl problem”. Nothing helpful like assuring me that I won’t die. She kind of just rolled her eyes – or so I would imagine from over the phone – and went about her day. Meanwhile I’ve turned into a motherfucking reptile. Slither.

So youou’re all caught up right now. I find it laughable that after an entire summer of my banging my head on hard surfaces and not being able to face another day rife with bullshit; that this is the ending. The period on a summer that made me look at tall buildings a little differently if you catch my drift. And by the way I speak of this past summer you’d think I spent the entire time enslaved wearing a yoke around my neck. Not really but I do things with dramatic flair;  what else did you expect? It was fine. I mean, I guess it was fine. It could have been better, things always could be better but it wasn’t the most terrible thing on earth. I guess. Maybe. Ehhh let’s just not repeat 85% of what occurred and we’ll all be safe from my wrath and sobbing.

I’ve spent the last five years on this site meticulously chronicling my ascent (or descent, depending on who you ask) into adulthood and this summer was the first time I really felt the tug of responsibility and the way in which time slips right through your fingers. I used to be the most indolent and lackadaisical person and this summer I spent the entire time more responsible than I have ever been in my entire life. By the time the responsibility portion had ended summer was five days from being over. So I got two and half good days at the beach and the next thing you know I’m home driving past Pick Your Own Apples signs and thinking about wide-calf knee high boots. It went to fast. Far faster than I ever could have imagined. Now it’s almost my birthday and an election and I just purchased a sweater coat for a mid-October wedding. This summer was the first one in which I realized that time flies. Not necessarily because you’re having fun but because you’re so busy with everything else to notice. This was the first summer when I couldn’t stop to take it all in. This summer was when I realized that I don’t want to spend the rest of my adult life spinning like a top. I won’t be one of those people, nor can I afford to be.

I keep telling people that next summer? Next summer will be awesome. Please, please don’t turn me into one of those people who doesn’t have time to pause and breathe. Please.

*Totally unrelated I am now HeatherBarmore on Twitter as opposed to the former TheHeatherB. So! twitter.com/HeatherBarmore. Remember that shiz and don’t get shocked by my newly grown up name. And contrary to popular belief I do, in fact, have a last name.