“Gratitude is a quality similar to electricity: it must be produced and discharged and used up in order to exist at all.” ~William Faulkner
Way back in February – you remember February don’t you? With the cold and the ice weasels? – well way back then I went to Houston for three days. Three days in a room with Susan surrounded by women I have since….gosh, forever. Except here’s the funny part, the part where you can understand my pill popping ways: The first day we ordered bottles of champagne by the pool and slowly people that have always just been there appeared. Susan and I got pedicures at the spa and then got dressed for a Mad Men themed party. We went downstairs and started to mingle and instead of hugging and kissing it was as if I didn’t belong. Here I was in front of these Forever People and yet I couldn’t stand being there. I was there physically but mentally couldn’t help but feel as if I wasn’t wanted there. Like ‘they’ didn’t like me. I lost the ability to speak to others and a lump formed in my throat so I ran back upstairs. I tweeted something about being around all of these people I’ve known for years and yet feeling like complete awkward shit. I stared at myself in the full length mirror, shook my head and went back downstairs.
Everything else is a blur. A chaotic mess of wonderful memory. Where I had more fun than is legal and I laughed. Oh, how I laughed and enjoyed a tasting menu and hugged and whispered and talked about what was fun. And my God, I was inspired. During the keynote featuring Heather, Maggie and Gabby I tweeted, “This keynote is making me smarter” and later “I love seeing smart women do great things”. It was all better than good and I’m not sure why it has taken me so long to write about Houston or the ideas that I left with. Probably life getting in the way. Not enough time to really process. But four months have passed and I’ve processed and percolated. And now I sigh. I got comfortable. I don’t know why I was so nervous because those women there? The ones brimming with brilliance? They’re my people. Now can we do that again?
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I felt like I didn’t belong either, but then I saw you, and I felt more comfortable. (And can I also say how much I LOVE Susan?!)
That just made me tear up a little, Heather B. I loved that weekend.
And I always want to sit by you at stuff like this. I hope that doesn’t make me too weird.
I love that picture of Karen.
I had no idea. All I know is I had so much fun with you and Susan and Jenny at dinner after the party. Uninterrupted time in small groups of dear friends is rare and precious, and that’s how I feel about you.
Oh, Heather. That cab ride back to the airport was one of my best memories of that weekend. Can’t wait to see you again in August!
(And I got a liiiittle choked up that you included that photo in this post.)
xoxo
Julie hit on a point that I wanted to make; that the entire conference felt like uninterrupted time with groups of friends. There weren’t 2,000 people there and everywhere you went there was someone you knew. And if you weren’t hanging out with that person you could be confident that you’d get some time later. Quite frankly it was the perfect size conference for me. You all were there at my fingertips and there was no running around. It was awesome.
As for being overwhelmed that first night; well, that happens. I hadn’t hit my groove yet. But, man, I am so happy that I did. Hell, I KNEW I would.
I love how we’re all making the exact same face.
And you forgot to tell the Internet about stealing my scarf. And about how Y and I beat you through the airport security even though you had your Fast Pass thingy.
God that was fun.