“Sometimes I want him to think he’s with a different woman so I take my hair off” – Kim
Remember once upon a time when these posts were as regular as a kid on prune juice? Those were good times. I haven’t been neglectful in watching these lovely, cat fighting, ladies it’s just that I’ve been busy. So fucking busy. I know that’s no excuse and even though I have been in Atlanta and planning another trip to Atlanta that is still no excuse because I didn’t even have time/won’t have time to stalk the housewives properly.
ATL FAIL.
Anyway, some of you have strong feelings about when I miss a recap because it seems that you enjoy hearing my feelings on why Kim….well why Kim does anything she does. It might strike you as shocking but everything that Kim does is so very Kim. The only thing I expect from her is rampant flakiness. And tits. Lots of tits.
I fell asleep to the Kim-tervention Director’s Cut a few nights ago and for the last several weeks I keep giving her the benefit of the doubt. If you didn’t see the extended version of The Great Wig Shift of Aught Nine then I think you should. It’s painful to watch adults – MOTHERS – behave in such a manner befitting angry, poop flinging primates. Sheree pulls Kim’s hair because Kim called her a bitch? And then NeNe must see to it that Kim stays around to endure further abuse at the hands of people she once called friends. I’m re-reading this and see that I’m taking it far too seriously but come the fuck on now: the entire dinner was a set up which any non-genius, mouth-breathing, regular Bravo viewer would know. It’s just that the manner in which it all went down made me extra angry and name-cally.
But wait! There’s more! Like this:
WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT. I’ll say it now: if anyone dared to pull my hair they’d a) be missing a hand and b) we wouldn’t be yukking it up over glasses of wine four weeks later. There would be no laughter but maybe some teeth gnashing. Biting perhaps? The latter it is the only reasonable response to hair pulling. Also, we are all five years old.
So now it seems that Kim and Sheree are BFFE. They even have the heart shaped locket to prove it. Meanwhile I am perplexed as to how Kim thinks that NeNe is the worst person ever but Sheree is God’s gift to the world. It just goes to show you that this show is a mystery, wrapped in confusion, ensconced in what the hell? And every week we all go back for a heaping serving of more.
This episode is one ‘HUH?’ after another. First Kim and Sheree planning an engagement party for Kandi and then inviting Kandi’s mother – who hates Kandi’s fiance* – to the party. Meanwhile Kandi, AJ and Kandi’s mother are all going to counseling together because someone needs to stop the hate but counseling and the party are all very awkward moments. Moments that a regular old person wouldn’t want shared with millions of people on television but here we are; watching a counseling session.
20 minutes later we get to see NeNe, Denene!, and NeNe’s uncle go visit the person who may or may not be NeNe’s biological father. Just when you think you can’t top being a fly on the wall of someone’s therapy session…BAM…It’s the Maury Povich Show. Suddenly you’re oscillating between feeling terrible for these women and their personal struggles and wanting to smack some sense into them. People can see you!
This man above – Alan – is getting ready to meet someone who might be his daughter and suddenly he’s ambushed by a camera crew! Family reunion!
I should mention that I saw Denene last week. She even spoke to me. The embarrassing part is that when she complimented my earrings I could only eek out a tiny ‘thanks’ because I was too nervous to speak to her because ZOMFG she knows NeNe Leakes.
That’s some sad shit right there.
Tonight is the season finale. I’m depressed and you should be too. I mean what am I going to do without all of this?
Cry probably and be thankful that I own a mirror. That’s what.
3 Comments
ZOMG, this episode was all kinds of awkward. The thing with NeNe and her maybe-father was hard to watch. I mean, I’m pretty sure Bravo would understand if you said “is it OK that we don’t film this?”
And the therapy session? Hard to watch, especially with AJ not being alive anymore.
And then Kim wears a wig only once? And buys like 30 new wigs a month? AND WHY DIDN’T BRAVO SHOW US KIM WITHOUT A WIG ON! What, Bravo, YOU HAVE STANDARDS NOW?
Okay, here’s what: the next time I see you, I’ll tell you (and only you!) what REALLY went down in the scene when Nene meets her dad… AND when we run into each other again, I’m gonna make you talk to me. How about that?!
It really was an honor and a pleasure to meet you at Blogalicious… I feel you on the shy thing and the weirdness/scariness of speaking in person, but you were divine. Always are (at least whenever I see you speak publicly). Please don’t stop.
(Now, what are we going to do without RHOA?)
Ahhh, you’re back with more. I’ve been patiently waiting. And OMG, Denene! in your comments. Double your pleasure! Thanks again for sharing these. Last night’s episode is waiting for me in my DVR. I’m excited to watch it but a little sad that it will be the last one of the season. Aside from the always enjoyable reunion show, that is.