“There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval.” ~George Santayana
I cannot imagine not having children. There. I’ve said it. Now everyone knows my dirty little secret and random strangers I meet out and about can stop asking me if I’m going to have children and a hearty flipping of the bird to the woman who added, “Because you aren’t getting any younger…” Well fuck me and get me some Ensure, because my time in a nursing home is fast approaching.
I contemplated not adding ‘Become a parent’ to my Life List because it’s a given but then someone asked if my list was in order of importance and I felt a touch defensive or perhaps offended. If there were a red level Must Do portion of the list it would read: 1) Write a novel 2) Publish that novel 3) Have children 4) Run for office 5) Spend the rest of my life making my children happy. Though I’m sure the list would be in flux after the birth and adoption of any children because I doubt I’ll give two shits about ocean kayaking down the east coast once any little Heathers arrive.
I know I don’t owe anyone any explanations but since it was asked there it is. Becoming a parent…a GOOD parent is important to me. It will be my own version of GOOD not yours or your best friend’s cousin who did it that way and did it TOTALLY WRONG so inevitably I will do it TOTALLY WRONG and then my blog will be less about drinking the entire bottle of wine because I had a bad day and more about drinking the entire bottle of wine because the Internet said I’m TOTALLY DOING IT WRONG. </capslock>
There was also an email about finding a church home: After every funeral this past winter (did I mention how thoroughly enjoyable my winter was? how thrilling and eventful? how much I ate in comfort carbs?) Rachel would say, “You know, you should find a church home. You don’t want to end up having your funeral at a funeral home. Now do you?” I would respond by rolling my eyes and shoving my face full of pasta because what else do you eat during a funeral filled winter? The thing is that I do believe in God and I’m perfectly content with the relationship I have with God. What I do not believe in is sitting through services where a pastor chastises Jews and Muslims for not believing in the ‘right’ God. That to me seems so…I don’t know…ungodly, perhaps? I also don’t enjoy being told how I should believe which includes but is not limited to the thinking that homosexuality is wrong and a sin.
In fact I once told a family member out right that I did not think it was a sin and she said to me, “Well it is a sin but you’ve been taught to believe that it isn’t one”. Que?
So there that is. Anyway that was The List. I’m glad that you enjoyed The List because I enjoyed writing The List. And now I’m going to enjoy the crap out of paying off my student loans, finding a flight to Madrid and convincing Chris that Carnival starts on February 13th so I don’t know what she’s doing that day but I’m pretty sure I’m free.
7 Comments
Will you be my antiquing road trip buddy?
Because that’s on my list too.
Screw that we live on opposite coasts.
We can rent a motor home.
You should still care about ocean kayaking down the east coast after you have children. Living a full life yourself is how you teach children to do so. Course, you did say you were doing it your way didn’t you? I’ll shut up, now.
I plan to have children, whether or not I actually ever get married. In fact, I have started preparing for this already. And by preparing, I mean I asked my mom if she would come over to my house and clean my cat box when her middle child is unwed and knocked up, probably through a SPERM BANK. She said yes. Whew.
I could never run for office. Mostly because of comments like this I’ve written on the internet.
I have been working on my list & going through some serious shit lately & both have revealed that I miss having a church home, too. My mom works at a church; I grew up super religious. I have similar feelings: I will never think being gay is a sin, I will never give up wine & I live with my boyfriend. It’s hard to figure out how to balance both. Sorry to turn your comments section into my rant; it just struck a chord.
You know, having a church home AND understanding that homosexuality isn’t a sin aren’t mutually exclusive. There are many churches out there who accept that people don’t have to believe in the “same” God, who accept that people who are gay are just as valued and loved by God, and who accept that people can be in different stages in their journey of faith and still have lots to offer. It took me awhile to find my church, but it is great.
February 13th? Let me check… totally FREE.
oops. I’m sorry Heather. By asking if your list was in order of priority or importance I did not intend on offending you. I apologize if it did. That was NOT my intent.
Aside from that, based upon what you’ve written here I think your children will grow to be open-minded and worldly intelligent people.
How cool would it be having a mother who has kayaked down the East coast?! That’s bound to rub off on ‘em.