“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, “I used everything you gave me.”" ~Erma Bombeck
I was a very organized child with fall being the best time to sniff packages of loose leaf paper and delicately touch every new thing that came into my grasp. I loved school supplies especially; but what budding future Judy Blume didn’t? After hours at Staples I’d lay out my precious items on my bed with nary a bit of excitement about physically being in school because I spent much of my adolescence chubby and reclusive. Which is kind of how I spend much of my life now but at least I have a paycheck, vacation time and the people at the wine outlet know me by name. Each September that came I swore it would be better and I’d make lists of how it could be better and then I’d sleep with the list and pray that I didn’t spend the entire year sitting alone or crying in the bathroom of the girls’ locker room. I’d pray that people would speak to me and not call me Butter or make me cry and the only thing that kept me going was that I knew it couldn’t last forever. It wouldn’t last forever.
But you remember middle and high school, don’t you? It feels like forever.
Somewhat a propos of this story this morning we were doing a collective planning on what I should bring in for my birthday. Last year it was mimosas (my boss said, “That was INSPIRED”). The year before it was red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting (my former roommate said, “Make these all the time every time forever and ever”). One of the secretaries asked if I was feeling that Eh! Am older! feeling about turning 26. I did a sideways glance because it’s only 26! No big deal! It will be fun! And yet there’s something about 26 that makes me start thinking about early bird specials and baby’s first pair of dentures. On the one hand I seem to be dangerously close to 30 on the other hand I have enjoyed getting older. And what I have enjoyed most is knowing that even the worst moments, the ones that make you scream and feel like you’re going through hell and you fall asleep and wake up to the sounds of your own blubbering and snot covered pillow? None of those moments have lasted forever. My tear ducts have yet to cause a Noah’s Ark type situation in my bedroom.
It’s the best surprise of the last 25 years that even when it’s bad things inevitably get better. I failed biology and chemistry but I swear it’s like science or something.
Fall has arrived in upstate NY and I’ve bought new supplies. I’ve cleaned and purged a little and I’ve made lists. The best list of all being my Life List. The idea was Maggie’s of course but it was the only thing that would force me to really think about what I wanted in my life; what more can come? I feel slightly sheepish when I know that much of what I wanted has happened. It feels wholly unfair, you see. “Great then”, I say to myself “Now go out and do more. You’re only 25, silly. You have the world in front of you and a passport that has been neglected for almost two years. Go out and be you” I said as it shoved my pen to pad, “These are your days”.
The List:
1. Finish my book proposal
2. Write a novel
3. Antiquing road trip
4. Wine tasting in Australia
5. Go back to Spain
6. Visit Liora and JB in New Zealand
7. Get down to my “fighting” weight
8. Write a book about my father
9. Get published
10. Go to the floor of the House and the Senate
11. Attend the State of the Union
12. Become a parent
13. Visit the White House
14. Design and make my favorite dress
15. Have a perfectly organized and appropriate wardrobe
16. Throw a grand soiree for friends and family
17. Host a grown up dinner party
18. Turn my apartment into a home
19. Tour Southeast Asia
20. Learn to make Sushi in Japan
21. Take my mom to Amsterdam
22. Capetown and Johannesburg
23. Run for office
24. Run for Office again
25. Take my dad on a road trip
26. Dubai!
27. Have tea in London
28. Help to extend WUFPAC across the country
29. Fall in love with woodwinds again
30. Become a licensed pilot
31. Bungee jump
32. Ocean kayak down the east coast
33. Re-learn to ride a horse
34. Meet the Secretary of State (again)
35. Brussels
36. Parliament in London
37. Make a giant holiday meal with all the fixin’s
38. Spa weekend in Arizona
39. Golf trip in Vegas with all of my brothers and my father
40. Go back to Paris with Rachel
41. Dublin with Chris and Susan
42. Meet Oprah
43. Really learn wine
44. Run a half marathon
45. Run a marathon
46. Go snowshoeing in Alaska
47. Apologize
48. Be debt free
49. Attend a White House State Dinner
50. Do a fundraiser in Judy’s name for Gilda’s Club
51. Understand bipolar disorder
52. Carnival in Rio
53. Host a dinner at Proof and 677 Prime
54. Read Pride and Prejudice
55. Be my own boss
56. Start my own consulting firm
57. Own property
58. Perfect key lime pie
59. Dinner at El Bulli
60. Dine with Anthony Bourdain
61. Attend Wimbeldon
62. Learn to fence
63. Find a church home
64. Take my favorite girls to my favorite place
65. Meet Toni Morrison
66. Tel Aviv
67. Sundance Film Festival
16 Comments
Please let #14 be a porn dress. Please.
Also, the OCD in me is having a really hard time with the fact that you ended this on #56. You really need four more things. You know, just to make me happy.
There ARE four more things I just didn’t have the rest of the list in front of me. They’ll be added soon enough for ’56′ is also making me crazy as well.
Love the list and want to join you on a few more of these
I say we get moving with Pride and Prejudice right now. Then we’ll have something to talk about on the flight to Dublin.
Hey, can I get in on your Dubai trip? I really want to go and everyone looks at me like I’m effing crazy every time I say so. We can reconnect in the desert.
Wimbledon. YES.
Sundance. YES.
also…#44, baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You’ve inspired me, though I believe with all of my being that 15 is bullshit and exists only in movies. Looking forward to following as you touch on flirting with accomplishing your list and how it may change as you move forward.
To your life list, clink clink.
Love it! Though, I must ask … what sort of order is this in? Order of importance? Chronological? Or just as they were thought up? Just curious.
No particular order. Just thought them up and there they went.
I thought #22 in the photo said “Take my dad on an acid trip”.
The photo was what I thought would be the final list but isn’t the final list I have the final list in a very special place so take the photo as a rough draft. Also keep in mind that I might be adding a few more things here and there.
Also I wonder how my dad would feel about acid…
Hi Heather! I’ve read your blog on and off for a few years now but never commented until now. I love this idea and your list in particular! You’ve inspired me to work on my own; thanks!!!
I love it! I need to make a list and then actually do it. And add things more than “sit on couch and watch reality TV.”
The Joy of Cooking’s Key Lime Pie recipe is the real thing. Take it from this Floridian!
I’ll do Arizona Spa with you. Have always wanted to go the the Enchanted Resort.
So many things I’d be willing to help out with (tea in London, grand soiree, Pride and Prejudice). Just sayin’.
ok… jan 2012 i’ll go with you to sundance. went last year and saw robert redford within five minutes of being on property at his resort. lol
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