“Like other parties of the kind, it was first silent, then talky, then argumentative, then disputatious, then unintelligible, then altogether, then inarticulate, and then drunk. When we had reached the last step of this glorious ladder, it was difficult to get down again without stumbling. ” ~George Gordon Byron
It was during my 2006 trip to BlogHer when I made it known that if I knew you prior to flying across the country then I would attach myself to your ass for the duration of the trip. And because my dear Amy – who I was once upon a time afraid of – was attending I welcomed myself to her left shoulder and made her drag me around introducing me to people who would never remember my name. Like Tracey and Y. You know, those people who still are unaware of my existence. My favorite part, the part that I have relayed to others time and time again now because it’s funny then because I think I used the phrase “…punch a motherfucker” after this occured; is when some found out that I was Amy’s baby sitter and then requested to know why Amy would bring her baby sitter to a conference. But ‘Baby Sitter’ was said in a tone like I didn’t belong and/or had no other profession except for baby sitting and/or might have some venereal disease.
Let it be known that unless someone looks at you like you’re the help and then announces it to the world, then I promise that you will have a far better time at BlogHer than I did that year.
***
It is a truth not so universally acknowledged by anyone except for myself that I am not a people person. There is this comfort I get being in close quarters and in deep conversation with one to five people. It’s like my own version of a snuggie. When I’m tossed into a room with 156 people I carry a paper bag in my back pocket and a stash of Klonopin in my front. It’s the only way for me to stay level and not run heading for the hills or in a drunken stupor licking someone or smacking somone’s ass because I’m too drunk due to anxiety. In the immortal words of Heather Armstrong “Be ye not so stupid”.
***
1) Do not get drunk and dance on a table in front of 950 people with DSLRs would be my first and most important rule of attending BlogHer. BlogHer is not Fight Club. People will talk about that shit and next thing you know there’s a photo of you on Flickr flashing the world. Don’t be that girl.
2) It’s okay to part with your laptop. I get it. Yours is new and pretty and the battery lasts for 39 hours but I also am a fan of my shoulders and there’s really never any need for carrying one around at all times. I can tell you now exactly what I’ll be carrying: My havana hobo or wyeth bag, camera, business cards, sweater, maybe a flask depending on how my trip to Philly right before goes, my red moleskine and my Great Big Book of Ideas, my iPhone, lip gloss.
3) Dress like you would any other day of the week. There’s a lot of hand wringing and hyperventilating that goes on when a bunch of women get together. Notice how you never hear of men worrying about the state of their nails, eyebrows, hair or if their ass looks fat in a particular pair of jeans? But women. My God. And I’m counting myself in the bunch we care. Hell, I’m already worried about how much hair product I’ll be able to smuggle on the plane but if you saw my hair in its natural state and the way it walks into a room by itself, you’d want something to tame it down as well. But clothing wise – and be on the look out for a very special series on BeautyHacks on this – bring what you would normally wear. I bring 15 jersey knit dresses from JCrew because I own 15 jersey knit dresses from JCrew and that is what I wear all of the time. Bring shoes that are comfy but cute for shopping and conferencing and I strongly suggest cardigans. A lady can never have too many cardigans. Just be yourself.
4) At some point you will see someone you love/admire/have always wanted to stalk here is what you should do this based on personal experience and after a few unpleasant experiences last summer: Go up and talk to that person. Put your hand out, tap them on the shoulder, whatever but say hi. If you catch me in a good mood, I’ll probably hug you. If you catch me in a bad mood point me in the direction of the bar and then we’ll be new BFFs. People are just people. Bloggers do not possess magic, super powers that makes them holier than thou so really if you want to say hi, say hi.
a) You should have business cards. Always have business cards. Business cards should/can include the following: Name, site, URL, email (optional, twitter, other sites you write, a little about yourself).
I’ve seen pretty inventive things like condom lollipops and tampons. Have fun with it and you want it to be memorable.
5) There will be parties and there is a comprehensive list right here. As far as I know all of the parties on that list are open to all and anyone. Let’s say that there is a party that you want to attend I’m sure someone will drag you along but I’m saying this as nicely as possible: Who gives a flying fuck if you weren’t invited to a party? Really. Don’t worry about it and if you weren’t invited then start your own.
6) Some just like to party others like to learn and then there are the others who through some divine miracle can party like a rockstar and be up at 7 AM the following morning for yoga and a jog around the lake. I like to do a little bit of both; I like to mingle and I actually enjoy attending the sessions. It depends on what you feel comfortable with. Sometimes it’s just nice to relax and have a conversation on branding your blog with two people as opposed to two hundred. There is always someone or something going on to keep you from the madness if you need to get away (Example: The Shutter Suite) The agenda is here. Don’t worry about what everyone else is doing just worry about making good use of your time out there participating in as much or as little as you’d like. And if you get
7) If you’re looking for me I’ll be in my room while Kelly drags me out by my hair and tells me to get my ass in gear. If I’m not in my room I’ll be standing in a little clump with Susan and Chris trying not to cry because THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE. But that’s a good thing right? It’s fun to see something grow and adapt to different groups of women. I’m not saying that because they pay me and I’m so broke that I’m contemplating prostitution but because I do believe in what BlogHer is doing. They have put on a better conference than the last year after year and I cannot wait to bogart some drink tickets and take in Chicago once again.
Though not two paragraphs ago I said not to worry about what others are doing I will say that it’s always nice to have a buddy. A go to type person who you know you can call and count on to hang out with you when you’re feeling like no one knows who you are and you will be all alone at every party but you weren’t even invited to parties and p.s. everyone hates you. No one hates you but it’s nice to have someone to reassure you that you are not crappiest person on Earth. I love having a buddy. Leah and Sarah (and Susan and Chris, duh) make excellent BlogHer buddies.9) Have fun. Really. Please, for me and the baby Jesus, have fun.
23 Comments
Thanks for writing this! As a BlogHer virgin, its incredibly helpful.
And I think I’ll just introduce myself to you by handing you a glass of red wine.
Regarding #4: Good mood or not, if I don’t get a hug from you I will crumple to the floor in a sobbing mass of withering, devastated flesh. Just sayin’.
I do not think I would ever be able to work up the nerve to go, no matter how much someone says it will be ok. I don’t actually… know anyone.
This was cool, but um? What am I going to do with these sparkly gold American Apparel assless suspendered chaps? I was told you had to crank up the zippedly zap and now you’re reminding me to bring a CARDIGAN? I am sobbing.
I am not bringing business cards; I am bringing a Sharpie and I will just write my cell phone number on people’s arms if they want it. Like I’m always threatening to do to my kids.
You think I’m kidding but I’m not.
Exactly. Have fun, to the best of your ability, in whatever way it makes sense to you.
This post is the first one I’ve read that’s made me actually wish I was going to BlogHer. The idea of being around so many complete strangers generally makes me hyperventilate.
note to self: don’t be THAT girl. check. don’t care what I wear. check. bring cardigans. check. find buddies to latch on to. check.
I’m totally ready.
can’t wait to see you, miss!
You’re so right about the wardrobe. I know you even told me that last year BEFORE BlogHer that I should just wear what I was comfortable in, but I didn’t believe you. I felt like I had to get dressed to the nines because everyone was talking and stressing about what to wear.
LISTEN TO HEATHER PEOPLE! Wear what makes you comfy. STOP STRESSING! Bring a sweater or jacket because those conference rooms in hotels are going to be chilly and it will probably be 90 and humid outside in Chicago in July.
Having a buddy is key. I don’t think I would have enjoyed myself as much last year if it weren’t for my roomies.
Holy hell. My first BlogHer was in 2006 not 2007. Which makes me pretty old. In like Blog years not in regular years though the next person who tells me that I’m ‘damn near 30′ gets a kick in the shins.
I think I’ve flagrantly disregarded every one of those guidelines up there, how right you are. Brilliant, lady. Can’t wait to see you there.
Hi! I love you.
(and I’ll be there. Find me? Or at least make it easy for me to find you? Thank you.)
I best be welcome in your little corner. I’ll be wearing…well, probably the same damn J. Crew dress as you and Susan.
Have fun! And man, if you are in Philly let me know where and when and I will stalk you, and by that I mean, happily buy you a drink! (and me one as well!)
The ONE year that I’m actually bringing a child, I’m not bringing a babysitter. Am I doing something wrong? I think I’m doing something wrong.
I’m just not going to be wearing any clothes. So if I drag your ass out then it’ll be in the nude. That’s how Chicago rolls.
This is my first BlogHer and I’m fluctuating between information underload and overload.
“3) Dress like you would any other day of the week.”
Thanks for this tip. I’m wearing my blogging clothes – sleep pants and bunny slippers.
I’m going to be the one who at least is wearing comfy clothes! I made a decision as I’ve been agonizing about not looking “pretty” or “sophisticated” enough that hey wait – I’ve never been “pretty” or “sophisticated” so maybe I should just dress like I do every day and just be me. So I’ll be the one who’s a little underdressed at the cocktail party, and I will be looking very carefully for other underdressed folks to talk to!
I tend to be good at “making the first move” as it were.
It’s knowing what to do after that that gets me tripped up… I hope I get to run into you at the convention!
Paper bag- 50 cents. Klonopin- $20 co-pay. First time at BlogHer- priceless.
Like your post, very helpful for me… going for the first time and sitting on a panel… I know no-one so I will be the person looking to crash any cliques
Seriously though – always looking for tips on how to best connect with folks including in some smaller groups to really get to connect fully.
this post eases my nerves. I now know I can indeed survive my first blogher.
I love it!
Especially the part of BlogHer is not fight club.
Last year I was so nervous to go up and talk to people. Bloggers don’t have super powers! Plus every one loves to hear that you like their writing.
Hope to meet you at BlogHer!
I am not drinking, so if you find me first… drinks are on me! at least my tickets