“How do people go to sleep? I’m afraid I’ve lost the knack. I might try busting myself smartly over the temple with the night-light. I might repeat to myself, slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound; if I can remember any of the damn things.” ~Dorothy Parker
Since we last spoke I seem to have stopped sleeping. Let me rephrase that, my body is rebelling against something and while I lay in bed vewy, vewy quietly like I’m hunting wabbits, my circadian rhythm is like, ‘fuck that noise, let’s party’ while my brain is like, ‘How do I remove myself from this situation?’ and I am like, ‘I’m going to cry now. You all work it out’. And then I start writing posts about how my brain and my body have actual conversations with each other. Perhaps I’ll share with you the one I wrote where they duel.
This has never happened before. I’ve never been so exhausted and yet so unable to sleep. I’ve never felt like my head is detached from the rest of me, off doing it’s own thing while I just follow along going through the motions.
You know how babies are when they’re beyond tired and so they cry and cry and cry and become irritable? But then they eventually stop and fall asleep at like 7 AM for a few hours and you’re like, ‘awww, look at my sleeping angel sweetie pie’. And they are able to do that because they aren’t responsible adults with jobs and worries about the economy and why Kelly Bensimon is such a raging bitch?
I’d be a baby right now. One of those crying, screaming insane babies who is so overtired that my only recourse is to lose my shit because my brain and the rest of my body aren’t on the same page.
I’m miserable.
20 Comments
Oooh, so sorry. I’m battled insomnia at various points throughout my adult life. My best advice to you is, lean into it. Bed is for sex and sleeping. So if you’re not doing one of those things, get up. Get a comforting book or comforting TV show and have some tea. If that doesn’t do the trick after a few hours, then give into the stress and focus on whatever it is that is keeping you awake.
Or, maybe you didn’t want advice? In which case, oooh, so sorry. Hope it all works out soon.
(Yes, I see the irony of posting this at 2am.)
This happened to me a while back and my dr. explained your body can get out of the habit of sleeping. She prescribed two weeks of a sleep aide, I took it, and I was fine. So, long story short, call your doctor.
Hell yeah, I called a doctor. Not sleeping for a very long time is awful enough for me to call a doctor. Though if I had a cough for the same amount of time I probably wouldn’t have called a doctor. A cough doesn’t bother me nearly as much as not being able to function for weeks.
I had no clue how fucked up one can become without sleep. I won’t blame all of my current problems on lack of sleep but holy shit, I am a person who needs to sleep or else I lose all sense of reality.
So really, I’ve been a true pleasure to be around for the past…oh…six weeks or so. YES! That’s how long it’s been since I’ve slept for longer than a three hour stretch.
Well, at least important shit like “what is kelly’s fucking problem?” made the list of things keeping you up at night. Because honestly, WHAT IS HER FUCKING PROBLEM?
I hope you get some sleep soon. Can’t tell you how lack of sleep fucks me up. I will share what I do that seems to work *warning: assvice ahead*
I do sudoku in bed until my eyes can’t stay open. Keeps my brain busy until the exhaustion wins.
Feel free to give out assvice. Assvice encouraged as long as it’s constructive assvice. If you’re just being an asshole using this opportunity to give me assvice about anything and everything, I’ll find you and punch you in the nose.
Dude. This sucks.
I go through stages where I am up in the middle of the night for hours…and it blows.
I have no advice (or assvice), just hope it’s better soon.
I hate insomnia. The worst I’ve ever had it was when I was unemployed and for some reason they only place I could fall asleep was on the floor of the living room at 4 am. I always have trouble falling and staying asleep when I’m anxious or stressed, which leads to a neverending cycle of anxiety and stress. So basically, I have nothing helpful to say except been there, it sucks, hope it passes soon.
I have been there and it sucks! I promise you the thing that saved me was Valerian Root. GNC has it for like $6, it is natural, and no hangover.
Sorry about the assvice but it worked for me.
I feel a bit dopey offering something so obvious but just in case…have you tried Tylenol PM? When feeling desperate my husband will actually swallow 1, then chew the next one. Sounds completely disgusting to me but seems to work for him.
Insomnia is the worst. I roam the house and inevitably end up on the couch watching terrible TV until I fall asleep. It’s not the greatest nights’ sleep but better than nothing. I swear sometimes I need the TV to quiet my racing mind.
When I was pregnant and couldn’t sleep from the discomfort, I spent many a night on the couch watching (sadly) Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels of all things. But there were tons of episodes OnDemand, so desperate times, etc….watching it in the light of day I can’t believe I sat through so many! Gene does have his charms though. Maybe he’ll conk you out too…good luck.
So I had this same problem back a few years ago, so I know your pain. I went about 6 months straight of getting 2-3 hours of sleep a night. And I was miserable and cranky and am surprised I still have friends. I even tried Ambien and it just made it worse. Ambien didn’t knock me out! How is that even possible?
Turns out I was depressed and as soon as I started the anti-depressants, things got a lot better. It still took awhile, but finally, I got some sleep.
Also, you clearly have a lot on your mind. And I know this sounds corny, but have you ever tried a relaxation tape? It helps because it makes your brain focus on that instead of the 1000 things you have running through your mind, which is mostly WHY CAN’T I FALL ASLEEP!
Hang in there chica!
Kelly Bensimon is one crazy bitch, isn’t she? She must be on something.
Anyway, I’m sorry sleep evades you. Sleep is the one thing I really, really need to feel like a human being, so I feel your pain on this.
I highly rec. this tea: http://www.celestialseasonings.com/products/detail.html/wellness-teas/sleepytime-extra
Welcome to the shittiest club on earth. I haven’t slept well in over 10 years…well, except for that patch where I was addicted to Ambien. Too bad that good thing had to come to an end. Stupid heart palpitations.
This happened to me when Kyle was a few weeks old. He would be asleep and I would be exhausted but the anxiety of everything kept me up and tried to kill me. I cut caffeine out for a couple weeks and that worked pretty damn well. Once I got over the anxiety, I re-introduced caffeine and I sleep fine now even though I have a very concerning Diet Coke addiction.
Oh man, that sucks! I’ve gone through phases of insomnia too and they are utterly miserable. I’ve yet to figure out why they happen and why they stop (and for what it’s worth, they have always stopped sooner or later). I hope you don’t suffer much longer – six weeks is a long time!
Though sometimes insomnia defeats all attempts, since you don’t mind well-meaning assvice here’s a few things that have seemed to help a bit (I realize you’ve probably tried most if not all by now, since many of these are on ‘sleep-hygiene’ websites):
Turning off the computer a couple of hours before getting into bed; staring at the screen wires me and then I lie in bed and my eyes and forehead won’t relax. (I don’t watch TV right before bed either if I’m having trouble sleeping.)
Turning down the lights a while before getting into bed (same reason as above).
Covering all LCD displays in the bedroom and making sure it’s really dark.
Sometimes one of those lavendar-scented eye pillows filled with little dried beans helps – applying gentle weight over my eyes helps them and my forehead relax.
Getting out for a walk in the fresh air at some point during the day.
Getting at least 20 minutes of direct sunlight (or daylight if it’s not sunny) on my face during the day.
Reading non-fiction in bed; fiction tends to make me want to read on, but non-fiction, even though I enjoy it, somehow makes me drowsy (perhaps it’s a flashback to all the university coursework I tried to read in bed).
Eating dinner earlier and not eating afterwards.
Cutting back on salt and sugar.
Hope you are feeling like yourself again soon. Prolonged insomnia is crazy-making …
Had to google Kelly Bensimon. Discovered that she invited people to a party with a cash bar. You’re right. In my book anyone who expects people to pay for their own drinks at a party is a bitch. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.
Also in a totally non-snarky mode, have you ever tried a hypnosis audio to fall asleep to? It actually helped me when I was dealing with Post Traumatic Stress.
Not sleeping sucks. Remember when it was cool to brag about how little sleep you got (and still turned in paper, still took exam, etc.)? No way, no how. Gimme my mfing sleep.
KB is a total raging bitch and my vote would also be for drugs. I still cannot get over her orange, blotchy face running IN THE MIDDLE OF A TRAFFIC LANE in NYC. And the, “I’m here, you’re here” speech replete with hand gestures demarcating heights of popularity/social standing to Bethenny!?! If anyone deserves to punched in the throat…
i’ve been there, minus the crying about it by now, because, ugh i can’t summon it anymore, for months. not that it makes it suck for you any less. but, you know.
and p.s. kelly IS a psycho; did you see her on the last episode yet? “bethenny, i’m NOT going to indulge you. bethenny STOP stop! stopstopstopstop oh hey that’s a cute Zac dress you’re wearing”
*blink*
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