Because I have exactly one friend that appreciates an entire conversation in parentheses

I’m still away but I have a little cache of stories almost filled to the brim and almost ready to share with the world. Lot’s of swearing and random flights up and down the Atlantic and a Buddhist funeral and cupcakes! Meanwhile continue to enjoy these lovely ladies and I will be back with really funny stories about how many grey goose martinis is too many Grey Goose martinis. Hint: When everything is in bokeh.

This is actually the last guest post by one of my dearest friends. I won’t say much more because I WILL CRY. And I hear that salty tears are no good for the Macbook. She’s a lovely, lovely woman and I feel very, very lucky to have her in my life. This will be my final guest post and I will return on Monday with lots of goodies. In fact some awesome stuff coming up in the coming week and a half so definitely stay tuned. Have a wonderful holiday if you are in the states. But if you’re Canadian, I don’t feel bad for you at all because you had your turn in October so you can just bite me.

Hey there.

I’m Metalia. You may have seen Heather mention me here from time to time, most notably when the WORLD CHAMPION NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS are involved, but this is my first time guest-posting for her. When she first asked me to write something, I became extremely nervous. After all, she’s one of the very best friends I’ve made since I began blogging. And you know how, the closer you are to someone, the more difficult it becomes to write about them? ( No? Just me with that problem? HUMOR ME THEN.) I decided that I’d take this opportunity to take a little trip down memory lane, through some highlights of out friendship. And as much as I wish I could tell you it all started with one of us authoring a heartfelt, soulful post, through which we established a deep and meaningful connection, sadly, that is not the case.

No, I can tell you definitively that what made me love Heather was that within the very first paragraph of the very first post of hers that I read, she utilized the phrase “douchebag whore.” I was instantaneously impressed at the creativity she wielded with her cursing, and thought to myself, “Well, clearly, this is someone I should befriend IMMEDIATELY.” We began reading each other’s blogs, and frequently emailing and IM’ing.

I met Heather for the first time at BlogHer in 2007 (which she convinced me to attend), where she greeted me warmly in her own unique way.

Somehow, that broke the ice.

It’s difficult to find a friend with whom you can analyze the New York Giants’ front line, the contents of J. Crew’s November catalog, and the relative merits of Sephora’s lip brushes, all within the span of a single conversation, but that’s what I love about HB.

It’s not all cupcakes and rainbows, though–we’ve had some rough times, as well. She was there to console me when my (SECRET, UNHOLY) crush Eliot Spitzer was…you know, caught with a prostitute, and I was there to enable her when she developed a deep and abiding addiction to all things Gossip Girl.

Above all, though, I love how she’s gone from the faceless girl on the internet that initially cracked me up with her colorful turns of phrase (twatsicles! I forgot about twatsicles!) to my football buddy…

A quasi-aunt to my kids…

and my real-life friend.

So, while the internet may be littered with assholes, trolls, AND THOSE LINGERIE-WEARING MEN WHO KEEPS FAVORITING MY FLICKR PICTURES, MY GOD, it also led me to meet this chica.

And for that, I’ll deal with the Victoria’s Secret-clad weirdos any day.