Oh Vanity

“Reading without reflecting is like eating without digesting.”  ~Edmund Burke

My bank account, the weather and my car causing me to lose my will to live each and everyday have finally converged into a perfect storm thus empowering me to finally go test driving. I’ve yet to tell you the story of the last time I went test driving but that’s because it involves a car salesman stalking me and two friends from one dealership to another and the subsequent phone calls because he wanted to date my friend Pam. There were tears involved and awkward storytelling and now I can’t look at a Honda without my right eye twitching.

It’s always been my plan to get a vanity plate for my new car. There’s no reason except that if writing daily about my life isn’t narcissitic enough, I figured I’d top it off with a license plate that says “ILUVME” or “DONTH8″ or “HOWULIKMENOW”. Clearly still working on it but suggestions are welcome. Anyway, this reminded me of a drive I was taking on the souther tier of the state between Elmira and Corning. Western NY isn’t really known for being a cosmopolitan place or a hotbed of diversity. Hell, I can honestly say that I could count on ONE hand the number of people of black people I saw while there. So I’m driving along one afternoon and I see a beat up truck with a vanity plate that reads…wait for it:

SLUMLRD4

And then I rearended the Hyundai in front of me. But why would one broadcast being a ‘slum lord’ which – and correct me if I’m wrong – is illegal in most locales. It’d be like “CRKWHORE” being on your license plate. Might be true but do you really want people knowing that you are a “SHITHD”? I think not.

The next day, I saw another good one – that I cannot remember now, of course – on a pick up from North Carolina with the world’s largest Confederate flag and a white trash sticker. It’s such a shame that “ASSHOLESEVRYWHRE” is far too long.