“I thought growing up was something that happened automatically as you got older. But it turns out it’s something you have to choose to do.” ~Scrubs
When your car FAILS inspection and the guy at Jiffy Lube tells you that your car has failed but kind of backs away a bit when telling you for fear that you might jump over the counter and remove his larynx with a swift judo-chop and then you tell your parents that your car has failed and that you need brand new brakes on a car that you generally want to body slam every time you have to look at its ass ugly interior because how can a vehicle be so damn ugly? So you tell your parents with a little bit of a lip quiver and sad eyes because you want for them to feel bad that you will have to use all of your JCrew money in order to have an ugly car that is functional and won’t kill you while driving on the Grand Central Parkway and when you say this with a slight sigh at the end so they get the full weight of how much it sucks that you will not be able to get a cute dress with pockets that will make you look oh so slim and oh so professional and they should at least feel a little bad or you know, offer to get you new brakes (how exciting!) for your 25th birthday. But instead they both look at you, roll their eyes dramatically and say “Sucks, eh?” and go back to whistling a happy tune that they do not need to pay for or concern themselves with new brakes and your mother reminds you, “Heather, honey, that’s what you have a job for” and your father just laughs and laughs and laughs and then tells you that he drinks Heinekin light at noon because it’s happy hour somewhere. Just not for you.
16 Comments
Adulthood is all too suckitudinous. I am going to be nine years old all day today.
You now know why I don’t have cute clothes anymore. Brakes, groceries, mortgage and many, many spawn.
I second Schmutzie. Though maybe I’ll be 2 and fight over toys with Emily.
Yes, adulthood sucks. But one question. Are you sure you did the sigh right?
GOD. I am feeling your pain. Last week I spent $1,000 of my JCrew money on POWER STEERING, for the love of ham. And the best part? It didn’t even fix the problem.
So, yes, being an adult blows. Sorry! Will have a cocktail in your honor tonight.
oh, i know this feeling all too well.
when i call my mom to complain about something and instead of being all nice and kind and listen-y, she’s all “yeah. life sucks.”
nice…
I totally just had to have new brakes too. My advice? Find a very nice, very capable friend who will do it for just the price of the parts, some supper, and helping them move in the future.
New brakes pads, rotors, etc, dinner for your mechanic friend, and helping them move? $100
NOT having to deal with asshole mechanics who try to screw you over just ’cause you have a uterus? Priceless.
Your dad is teh awesome.
Also, small piece of advice: BMW 3 series lease. That brake money will make a nice down payment, and my monthly payments cost the same as 2 J.Crew Dream Soho Sweater Dresses.
That totally sucks. I have been there before. I am not sure about ‘ugly’ cars though: mine’s an early 90′s station wagon so you know, it’s HOTT.
Blah, being an adult sucks. I still get pissed when I have to spend my paychecks on doctor’s appts or oil changes, as opposed to dresses and winter coats.
I am not responsible. My car needs new rear brakes and I bought a new camera. And, many new items at J.Crew.
Whatever, Bill usually drives anyway.
Hi! Lara recommended your blog, and I must say I like it.
Anyway, cute clothes? What are those? I don’t even torture myself by looking through the catalogs anymore. All those skinny be-otches are smiling because they are not adults. They are only 16. And wearing cute clothes. And have lots of money.
dang you’re so right, life gets in the way too often. who wants to buy things you need (like brakes) when you could be buying stuff you want (like Jcrew clothes.) Not fair!
I feel bad for you. Really, I do. But in that way that makes me smile because I remember being in the phone booth in the rain staring at the phone after my mother said she couldn’t send me money to fix my car and I was stranded on the side of an upstate NY highway in early October at 4 am on my way to work…and I’m so grateful those days are behind me. Now I color my greys, drive a minivan and pretend I’m 23. It’s SO much more fun.
Sometimes it just doesn’t seem worth it to be an adult! I never had to spend my hard earned babysitting money on brakes!
If anyone would have told me that being an adult meant being poor I would have ceased to grow years ago. Anyway, don’t feel bad. My mom laughed in my face like that when I was sixteen. Be happy for the extra years of cushion!