Remember that time I had a baby?
August 13, 2008 | Filed under: Blogology, Oh The Stupidity You'll See
“Mother Nature, in her infinite wisdom, has instilled within each of us a powerful biological instinct to reproduce; this is her way of assuring that the human race, come what may, will never have any disposable income.” ~Dave Barry
I’ve never been tempted to share any of the email I get because it’s all fairly standard smooshy stuff that makes me want to nuzzle people who take the time to send a note. But when I received this gem while writing my post for MamaPop, I immediately stopped to read, then re-read, then to read it once more and go back through my archives for clearly I’ve missed a large part of my life. The next time someone calls me a lush, I can now say, I am such a lush that I forgot about that time I gave birth.
Liz and Lindsay have written epics on the terrible PR pitches they’ve received from companies who have clearly never read their sites. The person who sent me this email didn’t get past the about page. Though wouldn’t it be funny if I did have a kid and never mentioned him or her and then one day I launched into a complicated story about using smarties as a bribe to potty train the kid and then the next day I went back into discussing an extensive trip to Anthropologie and drinking Grey Goose in Georgetown. The sad part is that Schnozz would read that post and say, but every story you tell is that disjointed and I’d have to say “touche”.
Keep in mind that if they had offered an actual trip to Disney World, you bet your ass that I would have found myself a seven year old and gone on my merry way:
Hi Heather,
Hope you are well. We work with Maria Bailey and she suggested we reach out to you regarding an announcement from Walt Disney World. On September 8, Disney will announce its search for the 2009 Walt Disney World Moms Panel, www.disneyworldmoms.com – but we wanted to give you an early look at what the Moms Panel is about, how and when parents can apply as well as offer you a neat online “Search” button, if you’re interested in helping us out…
Launched in 2008, the Walt Disney World Moms Panel is an online forum that provides first-hand tips and insights for vacationing at the resort from a panel of park-savvy parents. This year, Walt Disney World is looking for a diverse group of moms, dads and grandparents with vast knowledge of the parks and a desire to share their experience with others. And, due to the overwhelming response last year, the 2009 Moms Panel will expand from its inaugural 12 members to 16.
It’s truly been a resource for families everywhere; in fact, the current panelists have fielded nearly 9,000 questions from guests who are trying to plan the perfect Walt Disney World vacation.
How to apply:
Beginning September 8 through September 19, interested applicants can visit www.disneyworldmoms.com/2009 to learn more about the Walt Disney World Moms Panel and enter. Candidates will be asked to answer a series of questions and write three brief essays; selected panelists will serve a one-year term and will each receive a 5-night, 6-day vacation to Walt Disney World for four people.
Attached please find an online 2009 Moms Panel Search button for you – we would love it if you could help us spread the word to moms and parents in your area. As a thank you, I have also attached “A Magical Back-to-School Breakfast” recipe for you and your family to enjoy.
Please feel free to contact me with any questions at all.
torrie says:
You could borrow my kid. Preferably on a day when she’s teething.
Shash says:
Since Disney is right in my backyard, I HAVE to apply for this…if I get in, I can take you as my daughter..
Must of been quite a margarita night to have forgotten that you had a child!
Shash
Velma says:
You know what? I’d be happy to loan you my kids! Seriously, you could take them to Disney for 5 nights and 6 days and *I* could go to Anthropologie and drink Grey Goose. That sounds like the vacation of a lifetime… to me, at least. Heh.
Camels & Chocolate says:
PR people often aren’t the brightest crayons in the box…
Suzanne says:
The name isn’t fully accurate, as there are (gasp) DADs on that panel.
I want to know what the heck stuff you’re drinking that you forgot about your kid!!
Angela says:
Is the Magical Back-to-School Breakfast really a recipe for cooking up a baby? Because that really *would* be magical!
Kizz says:
Dear Disney World Moms,
Thanks for the fucking recipe. I’ve been having that dream about walking naked through school and late to a final exam I haven’t studied for all week.
Magical Back-To-School Breakfast indeed.
Forget the eggs, send vodka.
Love,
The Girl Whose Web Site You Didn’t Actually Read
The thing that makes this super bad is what if, in their dumbassery, they shoot this e-mail to someone who is struggling with infertility or who has just had their kid die? Yeesh.
veep veep says:
I love how many offers you are getting to take kids… lol
Rhi says:
This is making my night. I have a niece who actually looks JUST like me that I could use had they sent this to me. But, she calls me by my first name, so we’d have to work on that.
Moose says:
Sometimes I wonder why I spend so much of my valuable time reading up on publications before I pitch them. OH, RIGHT. THIS IS WHY.
Congratulations on giving birth to a Grey Goose baby.
Kelsey says:
You think they would care if I applied even though I don’t have a kid, but have been to WDW about 100 times as a kid myself and have even performed there!?
The place is in my backyard..and I’m sick of paying the ticket price everytime I go.
Suebob says:
I hope you and your family enjoy that breakfast!
slynnro says:
Well, you are a babysitter to the stars……
Angella says:
I was laughing already and then I read Slynnro’s comment. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
JG says:
Not disjointed! MYSTERIOUS.
Danielle says:
I don’t know, I don’t think it was too farfetched for you to get an email like this. I mean, you write for a mom-fueled entertaiment site, and you’re friends with/post pictures of/write about prominent and popular “mommybloggers”. Granted, it’s totally funny. But I can see how you’d be lumped into a mass mailing by someone not paying close attention.
uǝʞoʇ says:
I could be ten!
No, really. I could.
Momo Fali says:
But, you’d be so good at it! Disneyworld is all about vodka and self-deprecation. Oh, wait. That’s not Disneyworld. That’s my life.
Molly says:
For a free trip to Disneyworld I would SO pretend to be your seven year old kid, though I may be a little tall for the gig.
gorillabuns says:
I received this email as well or at least, one like it. I’m not quite sure because it was too wordy and I think Disneyworld is hell on earth.
ali says:
this is why i keep my fake children around
Amelia Sprout says:
You can have mine as well. She’s teething too. I’ll take the vodka. I miss vodka.
I agree though about the what if they had sent it to someone who was dealing with infertility or loss. Wouldn’t you not want that bad PR enough to check first? I mean, this is funny, but that is embarassing.
Mom101 says:
I got that too.
I think they’re not asking you to join the panel -which would be awesome - but to help them promote it by posting a button on your blog and writing about it for all your mom readers.
In other words, free advertising for Disney! Isn’t that what your blog is for?
mothergoosemouse says:
Well, CJ took quite a liking to you. And she only pees her pants maybe once a day now.
Mocha says:
She probably got you mixed up with me since I have a coupla babies lying around that I’m not using. That happens all the time.
metalia says:
The very idea that there are “park-savvy parents” freaks me out a bit. As does the idea of a Magical Back-to-School Breakfast.
Jenny, Bloggess says:
That? Was awesome. Good job, marketers.
amanda says:
Seems only fitting that if there are those out there that think that I, a woman who has born three children vaginally, have a penis that needs enlarging or “girth growtation” then there would be those that would think you would have children that long for Disney…perhaps they have a better ear for the voice of your ovaries than you do.
maggie, dammit says:
HA! This is hysterical!
You know, when I get PR emails I feel SO guilty, so obligated — I have no idea what is wrong with me. Not that mine are exciting like Disney World and mommy panels, but I feel a shit-ton of guilt all the same, even when it’s clear they have no idea who they’re talking to.
You just made me feel a little bit better.
anna says:
You really put the mom in mommyblogger, I guess. What a bunch of dumbasses.
SassyPants says:
Thank you for the laugh this morning. I had to come out of the lurking closet and reply today because I thought you should know something. You are crazy. BUT, you are crazy in the -OMG, she is so freaking awesome- way. I know this because I have met TRULY crazy. She said she had a child. She talked about this child and sent me pictures… for 4 years! Turns out, she made it up! No kid. NONE. EVER. Now that is CRAZY!
P.S. I’ll be your 7 year old child if you win the Disney trip.
Kristabella says:
So what is this Magical Back-to-School breakfast? It magically makes you pregnant?