Defective
July 7, 2008 | Filed under: Humdrum
“I reckon being ill as one of the great pleasures of life, provided one is not too ill and is not obliged to work till one is better.” ~Samuel Butler
My generally chipper demeanor and joy because of the impending several weeks of awesome, were sadly derailed by a sudden aversion to wine, beer and fucking Smart Ones. Granted the latter is just a natural occurence and possibly me coming into my right mind when questioning why DubDub would peddle that cardboard, tasteless, pile of crap and call it a meal. And I keep eating it up with “nom, nom, nom” noises because all I have to do is use a microwave. Lesson here is that indolence is unbecoming for a lady and it only leads to food that tastes like something out of a sweaty, pleather ballet flat. The kind worn WITHOUT socks. Because they look cuter that way.
Anyway, my aversion to the two former have seemingly come from nowhere which is why yesterday I briefly panicked because perhaps I am the defective version of HB and I need to go back to some sort of genius hipster with converse high tops to see if I can be replaced. For surely I am still under warranty. Though I am somewhat thankful that the Bubonic Plague has hit me now as opposed to this Thursday through August 1st. For then I’d be spending several hours at the Westin being really friendly when politely begging people to kill me now because the illness is causing hysterics along with rampant puking.
I’ll be back later barring my head exploding to discuss offensive footwear, lemon-raspberry cupcakes, tattoos, a guest post and a movie review and a photo of the first thing I plan to shove in my piehole when I go away later this week.
I hope your Independence Day was lovely and full of people blowing shit up. And perhaps I’m just getting grumpy in my old age but when did July 4th turn into a three day affair with fireworks starting on the 3rd and ending on the 5th? Or perhaps I’m turning into a grouchy spinster who tells those damn kids to get off her lawn and rushes to the nearest buffet for the Early Bird special and then probably votes Republican. My life is headed downhill.
heather anne says:
You had me at the early bird specials, but you lost me at Republican.
Kristabella says:
I think there is only one Smart Ones meal I can stomach. It is the one dessert with ice cream and cookie dough. The only thing they have worth the points.
Also, we still had the fireworks yesterday. My cats are NOT pleased.
slynnro says:
If you need advice on which Smart Ones, or Lean Cuisine, are best, I’m quite wise.
Camels & Chocolate says:
I hear ya. The idiots in my hood are still blowing shit up. Seriously, people. Some of us have lives and have to work (I can’t claim the “have kids who need to sleep,” though, for which I’m thankful).
Momo Fali says:
I spent three days sipping margaritas…okay, chugging margaritas. If a Smart One was in a five mile vicinity, it would make me puke right now.
Lisa says:
I can assist along with Slynnro.
The key to Smart Ones is avoiding the chicken ones.
I may not be your first choice for ‘asking a friend’, though, because I always vote Republican and I always have and always will think that all people, little or big ones, should stay in their own damn yards unless invited into mine. Their dogs too.
Bri says:
In my neighborhood, the fireworks started about the 1st and judging by the noise last night, are going to end right about NEVER.
lizriz says:
Methinks that BlogHer will cure that alcohol aversion right up.
Loralee says:
Dude, don’t make me give my cocktail tickets to someone else!
Aimee Greeblemonkey says:
It goes on for a full week here. Declan asked last night “WHEN WILL IT BE OVER, MAMA??????”
Wickedly Scarlett says:
Ugh, yes. The fireworks started about 2 weeks ago and I was still hearing them this morning. In the day time. I’m about ready to shoot people.
Jakki says:
I AM….one of those grumpy women who hate the 4th. Geez, here fireworks start blasting off 2 friggin weeks before and then 2 weeks after so its like a whole damn month of it.
Swistle says:
We even still had fireworks last night. They started up around 11:00 p.m. Speaking of old ladies, I felt like yelling “YOU KIDS GO HOME NOW!” out the window.
Jenny, Bloggess says:
My 4th of July was full of blowing shit up and that didn’t even count the fireworks. Also, no jail time. Always a good sign.