More for their benefit than mine
June 19, 2008 | Filed under: Just asking
“The essence of true friendship is to make allowance for another’s little lapses.” ~David Storey
Not only do I have the gift of ‘creative whining’ but I was also bestowed the gift of being really god damn annoying. I used to recoil and cry when my peers would announce just how fucking annoying I could be but I have since gone on to A) Not give a shit and B) Accept it as one of those quirky things about me that people will just have to deal with. I ask you now to picture an inquisitive yet precocious five year old trapped in a 24 year old’s body. That right there is what its like to be friends with me.
For the last several weeks I have been using my God given talent of annoying to ask Metalia if she’s had a baby yet*. And if she hasn’t had a baby yet, is it going to come out right now? How about now? How about maybe later today? I’m thinking that there are moments when she wishes she could throw something very hard and very heavy from her perch in Manhattan all the way Upstate. But instead of lobbing 15 lbs bricks at my head from 200 miles away, she’s sweet and kind and allows me to abuse technology by asking whether or not she is having a baby right this very second since she isn’t sitting at her computer. God forbid she go to Target or get a pedicure without sending me a missive with her daily itinerary.
Not only am I pain in the ass annoying but I seem to be a bit of a stalker. She is the first good friend of mine to have a baby. Like ever. So she bears with me and finds my awkward and TMI suggestions/questions to be endearing. Sometimes the precocious five year old can be cute! When you’re not contemplating cementing their jaw shut. Because of her, I have realized that I cannot ever have children because the waiting, my God, the waiting. I am impatient and after all that waiting I would like to be done. The other night we were discussing The Waiting and how painful it is and why the hell can’t this be over and mind you this was ME, the totally not pregnant one talking (Note: Babysitting is the best form of birth control ever), when I suddenly announced “This sucks, I’m going to find more wine” because the fucking waiting. I don’t know how you people do it over and over (and possibly over and over) again.
That said as a very childless person with 896 friends that are due to have an actual, live person come out of them this year (MIND BLOWING! by the way) I would like to know what a non-parent should do while waiting for friends or family to have that damn baby already. Though I say it much nicer than “have that damn baby already”, just so we’re all clear that I am not annoying, a stalker and rude. Thus far the only things Metalia and I have come up with are (Clearly we have a lot of free time. We’re just eating all the free time up in the world. Soon we’ll be laying around in cabanas in Cabo with all of our FREE TIME):
1) Become eminently quotable
2) Make up t-shirt slogans for your hypothetical café press shop
3) Create a virtual store where people can buy snippets of IM conversations because hoo boy! We are funny.
4) Drink (me)
5) Blog (both of us)
6) Discuss blogging about conversations about blogging (oooh meta)
*The one day that I did NOT ask if she had a baby yet, she has a baby and totally catches me off guard. I knew it would be a girl but I didn’t think about how gorgeous she would be. I’ve already purchased dresses with pockets, she will never have to experience life without them.
slynnro says:
Perhaps it is time for me to get back on IM.
And really, I don’t have the patience to wait for a baby to come out. That probably doesn’t bode well for me having the patience to deal with the baby once it does come out.
Dagny says:
Hmmm. I can see how 1 and 4 could happen simultaneously. The end result would be 2.
I usually scream at my expectant friends, “Don’t have the baby yet. I need more time to knit.”
gorillabuns says:
Since she’s on maternity leave, I’m sure she’s enjoying the distractions.:)
ali says:
damnit. i need more free time.
Camels & Chocolate says:
My favorite cousin had her first baby just a few hours ago, and upon talking to my mom, I said, “She was in the hospital for nearly 16 hours — that’s forever!” And my mom was all “HA! Yeah, right! I was there for 20+ with you and your sister!” 20+ hours of the most excruciating pain known to (whoa)man? No thanks, I think I’ll pass!
Good luck to Metalia, though =) And all the other mamas-to-be out there!!
Wacky Mommy says:
Raspberry-lemon cupcake recipe, please.
WEDNESDAY! Promise!
Momo Fali says:
Vodka. Just vodka.
anne says:
Ick I think that is reason #117 not to have a baby.
Kristabella says:
You are the best friend because you just prepared her what life will be like with a toddler.
You’re a giver.
Her Bad Mother says:
Drink. And then drink some more. That is all.
Queen of Shake Shake says:
Doesn’t 4, 5, and 6 answer ALL questions in the world?