Activity Points
May 21, 2008 | Filed under: An ass the size of Rhode Island
“Weight Watchers can kiss the fattest part of my ass” - Jen Lancaster
Things that should have a Weight Watchers Activity Points Value:
1) Getting undressed then redressed while upacking a suitcase while going through security in under 47 seconds.
2) Running through a terminal then back to the beginning with heart rate increased upon realizing that your boarding pass is at security then running back through the terminal.
3) Chasing after a plane.
4) Lifting a laptop bag and 30lbs of camera equipment into the overhead compartment. (Think of your deltoids!)
5) With the laptop bag, 30lbs of camera equipment on one shoulder and an oversized hobo bag on the other shoulder along with 40lbs of clothing and shoes in a large suitcase, chase after a MARC train in a station with an inoperable elevator. First run up a flight of stairs, across an enclosed bridge then down a flight of stairs behind an 80 year old man who seems to think that catching a train means walking slowly and deliberately like the train is going to sit there and give him an engraved invitation to take his damn time. Reach the train platform to see the train pull away. Then run back up the same flight of stairs you just came down, run back across the enclosed bridge, back down the next flight, tap your foot and bite your cuticles while waiting in line (an easy 150 calories burned). Oh! The train comes in three minutes! Run up a flight of stairs, back across the enclosed bridge then down a flight of stairs to the train and drag your possessions to a seat at the end of the last car and hoist your 40lbs suitcase to the overhead rack. Seriously, y’all an easy 350 calories burned.
And this morning? I’m currently sitting in bed and it feels like 897 tiny men are poking my upper back with fire pokers. Then after the poking they are kicking their tiny feet along my neck. It feels glorious. Also my ass is still fat. But soon my arms are going to be all “Welcome to the Gun Show.”
ladybughugs says:
I don’t like traveling. I like being there, I just don’t like the getting there part. You’d think airports would be more accessible to travelers that need to carry things like suitcases, laptops, and all.
Chasing a plane definitely scores you some Weight Watchers Activity Points. Also all those stairs. My legs got sympathy pains just reading about the stairs.
Kristabella says:
Definite activity points.
Know what else should count? Walking back and forth to the bathroom to pee because you’re drinking your weight in water each day.
Lemmonex says:
That has to be AT LEAST three points.
Manager Mom says:
Since my second life as a Mom/Sherpa, I have developed some wicked biceps. I like to oil them up in front of my kids while referring to them as “Thunder” and “Lightning.”
sizzle says:
I love when people say “gun show” when speaking of their arms. Heh.
Loralee says:
Gah! That makes MY ass hurt and I did nothing but read it.
I have given up trying to gain muscle mass. It is never happening. I could never aspire to guns…I’ll just have to settle for something more akin to a spitwad shooter.
anne says:
At a WW last week they were all perky about looking for extra activity points in your life, yada yada- and see its like you could have written the script for them.
Lullaby says:
I so agree with you. Plus, our local airport was designed by idiots, you have to walk (really fast) 30 minutes between check-in and boarding gates. I hate that.
Angella says:
Welcome to the gun show. Heh.
My LIGHTEST child is 31 pounds. Picking those dead weights up all day has to count for something, right? At LEAST two points.
Camels & Chocolate says:
Ha, story of my travel-fueled existence.
Also, I’m pretty sure you were in my dream last night, but for the life of me can’t remember why or what you were doing…
Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah says:
What about walking to the downstairs fridge to get a beer?
Because then you have to walk back upstairs.
It is practically like doing the stairmaster.
She Likes Purple says:
I also think “throwing things at the dog to get her to shut up” and pounding the steering wheel while sitting in traffic” should have activity points values, too.
But apparently WW doesn’t take the average blogger into account. Figures.
Rhi says:
What if you LIVE on the second floor of your building? And you wear heels every day. It’s totally excercise. Especially if you’ve gone to Target and you have bags to carry up.
Dagny says:
That all sounds perfectly reasonable to me.
I think that I earn loads of activity points each day for my defensive driving tactics on the Bay Bridge. It takes lots of energy to hit the brakes, come up with an interesting combination of expletives, and then occasionally throw in a hand gesture. And of course this is all done in sets because there are way too many clueless assholes on the roads these days.
kris says:
I think blogging should count as activity points.
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sweetney says:
A FUCKING MEN. yes yes yes.
also: sorry you’ve been sad. i know all about sad. you didn’t ask for assvice but: keep moving. i mean, not necessarily physically, but mentally. don’t dwell in it. try to ignore it. don’t let it suck you down, keep your brain distracted.
2-cents. i’m kind of an expert in depression, tho