“There are chapters in every life which are seldom read and certainly not aloud.” ~Carol Shields
What I am about to say might come as a shock but here goes: When I don’t get my way ::deep breaths:: I get whiny. Not mildly whiny but there have been moments of extreme petulance that will cause a two year old to stop, mid-sippy cup throw just to take note as to how one throws a proper tantrum. On the one hand I am most certainly not proud of moments of hysterics because I didn’t get what I want on the other hand I enjoy getting what I want. Sad but true.
Thankfully my last extreme fit of rage was several years ago and hardly anything memorable. The only reason I think of it now is because I have spent the last several months in some trance like state due to a one-track mind. It has been like running on a treadmill at 10 mph knowing that I am not going anywhere nor will I ever but I keep pushing myself at full steam ahead without any tangible reason. I know at the end that I won’t get anywhere but I keep trying – kept trying – because that is my type A nature; not just to want desperately but to throw my efforts into getting what I want. When it doesn’t happen I inevitably get upset because you don’t put your all into something without feeling like a failure when it doesn’t come to fruition. This marks the first time that I didn’t get something that I wanted in the most painful way, only to feel perfectly OK in the end.
There is a difference between keeping the “I’m ok” mantra on constant repeat so that I am forced to think it true and actually believing it and humming along because I really am just fine. This very odd sense of calm that comes at the end of a marathon: Somewhere between relief and slight pain and stiffness; but nothing that can’t be cured with an advil (or a few chocolate chip cookies). It comes with this huge sense of accomplishment for plugging through and knowing that I could never be faulted for not doing my damndest and doing a fucking fantastic job of keeping my shit together through it all.
It isn’t some easy-peasy catch all of saying that the Universe works in mysterious ways and things happen for a reason. I am in no mood for the bullshit that usually spews forth from my pie hole. But I do have some confidence when saying that I am happy and for once genuinely so.
8 Comments
I wish I could say that I have no idea what you’re talking about, but…Nope.
I understand perfectly.
Dammit.
If you are happy, then I am happy. MWAH!
So let me get this right. Being petulant is wrong? Because I can stomp my foot while pouting exceedingly well. And it’s been working for me all these years. Just ask the guys at work.
I, for one, am always in the mood for the bullshit that spews forth from your pie hole.
Yep, I’m the same way. Wow, turns out we have a lot in common. Marry me!
That’s what I like about you: there’s no faking it. I, personally, would rather hear bullshit of plethora and whining if it’s genuine than the always “WHEE”. Because then? When there is “WHEEE” I know you mean it.
I think everyone is like that when they don’t get their way: Some just show it differently than others (e.g. if in a group setting and I want to go to x restaurant and the rest of the groups opts for y, I stomp around a bit and then declare I’m not going. Who’s the two year old now?).
i could have written this.
and what kind of cocktail is that on your header?