The First of Many
March 3, 2008 | Filed under: Comes And Goes
“There are chapters in every life which are seldom read and certainly not aloud.” ~Carol Shields
What I am about to say might come as a shock but here goes: When I don’t get my way ::deep breaths:: I get whiny. Not mildly whiny but there have been moments of extreme petulance that will cause a two year old to stop, mid-sippy cup throw just to take note as to how one throws a proper tantrum. On the one hand I am most certainly not proud of moments of hysterics because I didn’t get what I want on the other hand I enjoy getting what I want. Sad but true.
Thankfully my last extreme fit of rage was several years ago and hardly anything memorable. The only reason I think of it now is because I have spent the last several months in some trance like state due to a one-track mind. It has been like running on a treadmill at 10 mph knowing that I am not going anywhere nor will I ever but I keep pushing myself at full steam ahead without any tangible reason. I know at the end that I won’t get anywhere but I keep trying – kept trying – because that is my type A nature; not just to want desperately but to throw my efforts into getting what I want. When it doesn’t happen I inevitably get upset because you don’t put your all into something without feeling like a failure when it doesn’t come to fruition. This marks the first time that I didn’t get something that I wanted in the most painful way, only to feel perfectly OK in the end.
There is a difference between keeping the “I’m ok” mantra on constant repeat so that I am forced to think it true and actually believing it and humming along because I really am just fine. This very odd sense of calm that comes at the end of a marathon: Somewhere between relief and slight pain and stiffness; but nothing that can’t be cured with an advil (or a few chocolate chip cookies). It comes with this huge sense of accomplishment for plugging through and knowing that I could never be faulted for not doing my damndest and doing a fucking fantastic job of keeping my shit together through it all.
It isn’t some easy-peasy catch all of saying that the Universe works in mysterious ways and things happen for a reason. I am in no mood for the bullshit that usually spews forth from my pie hole. But I do have some confidence when saying that I am happy and for once genuinely so.
Loralee says:
I wish I could say that I have no idea what you’re talking about, but…Nope.
I understand perfectly.
Dammit.
Angella says:
If you are happy, then I am happy. MWAH!
Dagny says:
So let me get this right. Being petulant is wrong? Because I can stomp my foot while pouting exceedingly well. And it’s been working for me all these years. Just ask the guys at work.
Momo Fali says:
I, for one, am always in the mood for the bullshit that spews forth from your pie hole.
Travis Mamone says:
Yep, I’m the same way. Wow, turns out we have a lot in common. Marry me!
Mrs. Flinger says:
That’s what I like about you: there’s no faking it. I, personally, would rather hear bullshit of plethora and whining if it’s genuine than the always “WHEE”. Because then? When there is “WHEEE” I know you mean it.
Camels & Chocolate says:
I think everyone is like that when they don’t get their way: Some just show it differently than others (e.g. if in a group setting and I want to go to x restaurant and the rest of the groups opts for y, I stomp around a bit and then declare I’m not going. Who’s the two year old now?).
jess says:
i could have written this.
and what kind of cocktail is that on your header?