12 minutes after drafting this, I slept for 8 solid hours
February 20, 2008 | Filed under: Sucks like a vacuum
“Insomnia is a gross feeder. It will nourish itself on any kind of thinking, including thinking about not thinking.” ~Clifton Fadiman
48 hours after returning from Paris I left for Las Vegas where I proceeded to stay up for 27 hours. The next day I left for San Diego where I slept for four days on a resort. When I returned home from my rampant ‘vacationing’ my body all but called me a dirty whore and retaliated. My body is a vengeful motherfucker and it proved that by rendering me half catatonic and with a case of insomnia so painful that I would sit in bed at night praying to just sleep and promising that I would never, ever again travel to three different time zones in less than a week. I waved the proverbial white flag and cried Uncle and my body stopped threatening me and allowed me to sleep. And all was well.
At some point in the last two months, I have apparently done something else to piss off the workings of my internal clock. Though in my defense it seems that my body is a bit temperamental and a little evil. My sleep as of late has been for shit. And that would be putting it nicely, as I’ve been regularly hurling epithets toward my body clock. I just want to sleep at a normal hour and then wake up at a normal hour to go to the gym without feeling like there are rocks in my head as opposed to actual brain matter. Have you ever tried to talk to people when keeping your eyelids open and standing upright feels like scaling Kilimanjaro? Sorry, scaling Kilimanjaro barefoot and naked. To put it bluntly: This shit sucks.
BlogHer has been doing a ‘Letter to my body’ initiative, which I’ve been reluctant to do because mine would read:
Dear Body,
HOLY MOTHERFUCKER. LET ME SLEEP.
Love,
HB
The other version would read:
Dear Body,
It’s really great that I have PMS to make me bloated. I’m also happy I’ve lost a few pounds in my ass so none of my pants fit. This makes for some good times around my mid-section as I hike up my pants to my navel and then puff my stomach out in order to keep from showing off my ass-crack. Keep up the good work and just for you, I’ll buy a smaller belt. Finally.
Love,
HB
Beckie says:
I sooo feel your pain. My sleep has been for sheeeeeee-it (if you watch the Wire you’ll know how to pronounce that) the last couple months as well. My body is doing this severely annoying thing where I wake up 15 minutes before the alarm goes off. As if somehow I don’t need those last few minutes??? I swear to you those last 15 minutes are the most precious of all!! (Sorry for over punctuating) It’s so annoying that I lay awake at night trying to talk my body into not doing it - thereby losing even more precious minutes. To top it off I moved last week. Which apparently was code to my body for “lets wake up every 2 hours to check out the new space since we love it sooo much”. Add to that I am pms’ing this week. It’s 8:43 am and I want a margarita.
Momo Fali says:
I really haven’t slept for about 10 years now. Eight hours of sleep, for me, is about as likely as a little barefoot, naked jaunt up Kilimanjaro.
Nic says:
Oh I have TOTALLY been there. The key for me, and you’ll hate this, is no wine in the evening. I know, I know, but it helped me get back into a routine.
Aimee Greeblemonkey says:
It’s even funner with 2 insomniacs in the house. WAY fun. And when I say fun, I mean cra-han-han-nky. No wonder we’re both medicated now.
Susan says:
Sweet mother of god that is the funniest thing I have read in I do not know HOW long.
Angella says:
I can get to sleep no problem, but if I am woken up in the night, I am up for HOURS. It sucks.
The Over-Thinker says:
A little Vicodin always helps me. I kid.
I hope you get many Zzzzzzzz a.s.a.p. You can dream of pants that fit proper-like
slynnro says:
I just finished an insomniac phase. WORST. Hope you get done with yours soon.
Thursday says:
I hate to say this too but no Yellowtail Shiraz of an eve does help. Takes a few days to get over the shock of lying in the dark feeling bright-eyed and bush-tailed feeling like you ain’t never going to get to sleep and is also helps to keep you asleep once (cue choir of angels) snoring is achieved.
hillary says:
Ummm … are you complaining about losing ass weight? Because I really Really would love to lose some ass weight. Even if it meant that my pants would fall down and expose my ass crack. It’s a sacrifice I’d be willing to make.
Sleep issues suck. I have had sleep issues my whole life. I have nothing to suggest. Well, nothing healthy to suggest. Wine helps.
Frannie says:
Ohh goodness gracious, maybe I need to also write a letter to my body. That’s scary though, who knows what would come out.
*shudders*
Zandria says:
I like your letter very much. Keep it real, keep it light! There’s so much more that can be said about our bodies (and I’m looking forward to reading other people’s submissions), but whatever people end up saying is always good enough.
Sunday Linky Love | The Bean Blog says:
[...] initiative. Several great letter have already been written, such as Y’s, Karla’s and No Pasa Nada’s. I may even give it a shot later this [...]
Opening up a can of worms, or opening up the bible of medical files. « barbetti says:
[...] 27, 2008 by barbetti I know several bloggers are blogging “Letter To My Body” which I seriously considered jumping on to. But then [...]
Just me... says:
I’m loving your posts… randomly chose this one to comment on. Since I am relatively new to your blog, what do you do for a living that requires so much traveling across time zones? All that travel (thinking germs on planes) explains why you got sick!
Hope you’ve fixed your internal clock and are getting your nightly zzz’s.
Great posting-