“The contemplative life is often miserable. One must act more, think less, and not watch oneself live.” ~Nicolas Chamfort
In Boston this summer, I spent an entire four day period as a recluse wanting to throw my own little tea party. And of course there were tears. My cycle of social awkwardness goes: HB doesn’t like new people, HB gets overwhelmed, HB rushes into the bathroom on the ballroom level of the Westin Copley Place to have a good cry. Because God forbid I actually attempt to open my mouth and speak to someone. What might I say? What could happen? What if I confess to wanting to bludgeon half the people in the room because I cannot handle the bullshit?
The thing is that I can be a ‘large party’ kind of girl if I know several people at the party. This is how I managed to successfully walk upright in Chicago for four days straight and look like I was having fun while doing it; because I was. Otherwise, I like intimate settings. My brain goes into sensory overload when surrounded by too much at one time and to stave off the inevitable explosion (SEE: Tears) I need to step back to survey my surroundings before diving into the hors d’oeuvres and handing out business cards. I don’t recall always being so skittish and edgy around new people or large groups, but it has happened and so I must deal with it. Or else I see myself on a trajectory towards failure since talking to people seems to be a large part of my job.
Several months ago, Helen Jane, offered up a ticket to SXSW. As I recall it was the middle of the day, so I was completely of sound mind and well aware of what I was doing when I said yes. I said, yes, to spending five days in a city I’ve never been too with exactly four people I know. While it isn’t rare for me to have bad judgment and overestimate my ability to behave like a person with average social skills (and by ‘average’ I mean I can speak to people without biting them or wanting to claw them to bits), it is rare for me to face a large social gathering completely head on. I’ve been so very flippant about going to Texas, that every time someone has asked I say “Oh yeah, Texas…yeah…” Then forget about it once again. I usually do well with bloggers, perhaps because we all tend to be a little on the misanthropic side. So it ends up being a large group of people who are all prone to hermitic behaviors who love to drink. Awesome.
Anyway, I am going to Texas. I will be standing in the corner either with my margarita or with my margarita and Aimee. I am not nervous but instead, abnormally excited to be in close quarters with several thousand people that I barely even know and 70 degree weather. Oh, and that noise you just heard? That was the sound of Hell freezing over.
23 Comments
WooHoo, you’re going to Texas! My home state! You will have a ball, the people are awesome
Awesome. Have a great time. BTW, being a ‘large party’ girl is so overrated. I used to be one, but have come to realize small, intimate settings are much more nourishing to the soul.
Well… I wish you luck. As someone uncomfortable even in a room full of friends, i feel for you!
Don’t forget about that drink you promised me and Miss Melissa.
And Austin? Is the greatest city in, er, the universe. I lived there for four years and I think I about moving back every single day. You will love it.
Austin sounds like it could be lots of fun. But I’m twisted that way. Don’t forget to take lots of photos!
Seeing as I have an exact, albeit not so well written, post on this same issue… I pinky swear if you need to cry you can leave my side at any moment if you let me do the same.
And don’t forget the pillowfight!
Does this mean you are going to lay over in Oklahoma for a few days?? I mean jeez, we’re only 5.5-6hours away!
You are going to love Austin, HB.
I for one am exciting about you coming! I have to say I hate meeting new people but once I get to know them I’m fine. Seriously when are we having that drink?
I have lurked around your blog for some time; I love your quotes you always start out with!
As for TX, I live here. I’m a transplant from the midwest. I love Texas. I love Austin. I hope you have enough time and the weather is good that you can see some cool things. Austin is a very cool town, very cool (I live in Houston, another cool town). People in TX are generally VERY friendly compared to northerners. It was was struck me the most when I moved here in 1992. Enjoy your adventure and betcha you go home saying “y’all”. Its endearing, trust me!
I’m the same way. I don’t cry, though; I just run and hide whenever I feel strangers are getting too close to me. I have no problem talking to strangers online, though. Odd.
Anyway, have fun in Texas.
i am SO with you…the sensory overload…the tears…
usually i’m okay with tremendous amounts of alcohol.
I’ll bet you have a fantastic time! I agree that large groups and loud noises can be a bit overwhelming, but I can’t wait to hear about how you conquered Texas
70 degrees? Awesome! Margaritas? More of the awesome!
Have a good time!
Dude. You can do it. I am the same. You may think I am a crazy extrovert, but it is simply not the case. Unless a margarita is involved.
Have fun with Aimee!
And the margarita.
If I remember correctly, around day three of SXSW, folks like us require at least two solid hours alone in our hotel rooms with laptops unplugged and cell phones turned off.
I always come down with a case of the Socials at these big events. A little alone time and blammo! Socialsbegone!
(And this time, I’m doing it sans booze. Egads!)
I feel your pain. I know you’ll do fine, though.
Oh, you’ll have so much fun. Just keep your private flask on your body at all times.
Oh please, you successfully navigated Boca last year, so you’ve totally had practice. If I was so inclined I would even spit back your own words to you…because even you admitted that you made really freaking good arm candy. Arm candy that could talk the talk and walk the walk with the likes of the head of Goldman Sachs. So there. Have fun.
I’m a lurker, too.
But I feel you. Networking and schmoozing is part of my JOB, ferchrissakes. Oh, and I haaaate it. I’d be the girl in the corner busily pressing buttons on her cell phone like she’s texting someone very important so that she doesn’t have to make eye contact with people she doesn’t know who might (gasp) TALK to her. AND, if I know one or two people, I’m mostly cool, except then I feel guilty and apologetic for attaching myself to them, limpet-like. Oh, barf.
Of course, if there are so many of us like that… why isn’t it easier? Maybe I need to go to a blogger party instead of these professional schmoozer parties.
There’s a reason I often get such great photos of events: I need the distance from the crowd a camera gives me. Have fun in Austin!
I so wish Austin was closer to me. I would love to awkwardly walk up to you and force you to talk to me because OH MY GOSH IT’S HEATHER! OK, so I wish Austin was closer to Dallas but you are probably just fine with the 200 miles between the two.
Enjoy the city, though. It’s lovely. There’s a coffee shop near Lake Travis called Mozarts and it always makes me smile. And a restaurant named Shady Grove that is fantastic too.
if i could go to these (damned very expensive grr) things that so many bloggers go to, i’d definitely hang out with you and keep you company.
good lord, i wish there were just a blogger get-together that was purely social without the panels and registration fees, but was all eating, drinking, and picture-taking fun!