The 50MM Story

“I think a photography class should be a requirement in all educational programs because it makes you see the world rather than just look at it.” ~Author Unknown

Once upon a time, in a land far far away there was a girl named Heather (And boy did she have some kick ass eyebrows).

Heather had recently procured a lovely Sony Alpha DSLR camera for her 24th birthday. A camera that she would make sweet, sweet love to if it had all of it’s parts. With the purchase of the camera, Heather did what any aspiring (but completely shitty for she knew that she wasn’t Ansel Adams or a Shutter Sister.) photog would do; she took it on a trip to Paris to give it a good work out. With her trusty 18-70mm and handy 70-300mm, she took some semi-quality shots.

Upon reentry, Heather learned from her friend Angella something about aperture and f-stops and so her lust with 50mm lenses began. So one day, Heather decided to take a trip to the famed B&H photo warehouse of love. It was here that she decided to give up her first born child for a lovely new lens to play around with.

Later that day she put her new lens to the test by showing off her lunchtime drinking skills.

Then she drank some more as she was apt to do.

Each time she was impressed by the 50mm’s depth of field and she subsequently fell in love. Heather carried that 50mm with her everywhere to practice. And like any good love story, there were some minor setbacks and difficulties, mostly on her part. For the lens and camera were doing what they were told to do and still Heather felt like something was missing. She longed for another trip to Paris which would bring ample opportunity for vacation and photography practice at the Tuileries Gardens and perhaps a jaunt down the Champs Elysees. But since Hell had yet to freeze over and lotteries had yet to be won, she instead went to Oklahoma City.

When she returned from Oklahoma City she still felt unsettled. For Heather was a neurotic girl and longed for a quality capture. But because life had caught up with her, she was unable to give her camera and 50mm the attention that it deserved. And that my friends is what eventually leads to the demise of any relationship: lack of communication. Heather finally picked it up again during a trip to Washington, DC and at first she was feeling rather bad ass. For she had the perfect subject(s).

But remember Heather’s drinking and her lack of communication? Well Heather drank some wine and then had some more all the while ignoring her camera in exchange for the sweet nectar of Primitivo. She didn’t communicate with her camera. She didn’t change the settings. She might as well have been at a kegger with a disposable point and shoot. Which is why when Heather’s friend Amy said “Please, oh please, take a picture of my darling, beautiful boy” Heather made faces and laughed and took photos with a fuzzy head and a pissed off camera whose settings were not in order and produced this (shield your eyes).

When Heather finally uploaded the photos and noticed that Amy’s sweet, sweet boy was the same exact color as Bert, she got upset. She cried and threw herself on the floor and gave up on dreams.

But thankfully Heather (shockingly enough) had friends; Lori and Angella. And Lori and Angella both helped to bring Heather and her SLR – the one that she gave her second born for – back together. Deep down inside Heather’s friends new that despite their respective faults, that Heather and her SLR were meant to be. And with a little communication and editing that they were meant to be and with a little communication and editing Heather and her SLR – Buddy – could do anything. For love, really does conquer all.

The End.