Idle bitching
December 3, 2007 | Filed under: Oh The Stupidity You'll See
“Cause you can’t stop the motion of the ocean or the sun in the sky. You can wonder if you wanna but I never ask why…” – Scott Whittman and Marc Shaiman
In the past few months this site has gone from the story of a 23 year old, wine and disgustingly expensive cheese loving, Kate Spade shopping, pearl wearing and foul mouthed girl to the story of a depressing 24 year old who has started drinking her pinot noir out of a plastic cup and visiting really exciting places like New Jersey. To prove that I am not completely devoid of personality here is the photo that I’ve plastered on my about page to say “Not only am I as boring as watching a dog pee but I’ve also mastered the art of being a brat”:
Torrie took this photo the day I left for Paris and it is now the photo on my about page so that first timers know that they’re reading the profound words of a woman whose tongue is about the same length as a giraffe’s. A woman who is not afraid to show off that proud possession and perhaps later there will be video of my stellar cherry stem tying skills.
The picture below was also taken by Torrie. When I asked what settings she was using she mentioned putting the White Balance on cloudy and I nodded and said “Ah ok” while mentally cataloging looking up white balance via wikipedia and maybe even cracking open the manual. I’m like a guy; sometimes I’d rather just wing it and take crap ass photos than actually…you know…READ the fucking directions. For the record, I once put together a chair from Target using the directions in Spanish. I ended up with a leftover screw:
Obviously it’s another photo with another child who does not belong to me. Willa looks terrified because my hair might consume her in one fell swoop.
And because I feel that woe should be an equal opportunity emotion, here is a photo of Chuck E. Cheese. All memories of my childhood came to fruition on Friday when Amy and I got competitive at skeeball. She kicked my ass though we ended up with the same number of tickets because I walked around stealing them from two year olds and out of machines. I shit you not when I say I even stole them from the two year old birthday boy. My rule has always been and will continue to be “If you drop them, they are mine. I don’t care if you were born in 2005 or 1985.”
No Pasa Nada: Providing a whole lot of nothing and excellent reasons to drink since 2005.
Lissa says:
This post made me laugh out loud! I love reading your site!
Katie says:
My tongue is quite stumpy so I’m very impressed with your giraffe-like one. And also, putting something together with Target directions en espanol is quite the feat considering that their english directions are crap.
Bone says:
Yeah, directions. Pffft.
You look content and comfortable with child.
Marie D. says:
OMG that baby girl really looks like her mom!
whoorl says:
That’s why we are perfect friends. I’d be more than happy to read and paraphrase your manuals for you.
Aimee Greeblemonkey says:
You make depress yourself, but you make *me* laugh. That’s worth something at least.
Maria says:
I skim manuals but rarely read them. And then I wonder why I can’t work things perfectly from the start.
Do all your friends have beautiful babies?
Angella says:
You are SO ROCKING your new camera, so you obviously do not need to read any manuals
nopasanada says:
For the record – and not just because they read this site – ALL of my friends have the most gorgeous babies.
Dagny says:
You mean it’s wrong to take tickets from kids? Because I do it all the time… Like they know what to do with the tickets.
Angela says:
That is a beautiful baby! Wow!
And I’m a manual avoider also. I probably don’t properly use anything I own, but it seems to work okay for the most part, so you know, why waste my time?
Susan says:
Not another blogger who I just have to read…damn…I don’t have time, seriously, but your writing sucked me in and now you’re on my faves and you have provided me yet one more reason why I’m not getting anything done in my studio!!!
Thanks for the giggles and keep on, I’ll be here reading.
metalia says:
That is seriously one of my favorite pictures of you EVER.
Alison says:
You’ve obviously still got it going on. This was a great blog entry; I’m not the only one who laughed!
torrie says:
I like you and so does my baby.
Momo Fali says:
Wait…that baby isn’t yours?! The resemblance is uncanny.
sweetney says:
that picture of you with your tongue sticking out is my favoritest.
BOSSY says:
“If you drop them they are mine.” Snort guffaw, so funny.
torrie says:
Willa just saw the picture of the two of you together and she freaked out and tried to crawl through the computer screen.
Chookooloonks says:
Just so you know, I’m coveting your hair right about now. You are witnessing my decision to grow mine out. Again. But this time I mean it.
kerri anne says:
Ok, I’ll buy that. But only if by “a whole lotta nothing” you really mean “I travel A TON and do all these rad things with these rad people who have rad babies, and also: Chuck E. Cheese!”
Next trip, can I be your carry-on? I promise I will try to be light.
Angela says:
Yet another reason why I want to hang out with you: I can touch my tongue to my chin. (I’m not hitting on you. I’m just sayin’.) Also: I stole Chuck E. Cheese tokens from a child less than a month ago. 3 tokens. I needed them more than he did.
gorillabuns says:
i have to admit, i steal everyone’s tickets too.
Alicia says:
I just discovered your site via Death by Children. And I just want to say that you cannot possibly be boring if you like pinot noir
)