Comments on: What I didn’t say http://nopasanada.org/2007/11/29/what-i-didnt-say/ Mon, 06 Feb 2012 16:34:17 +0000 hourly 1 By: No Pasa Nada » Blog Archive » In which I decide to start showering regularly http://nopasanada.org/2007/11/29/what-i-didnt-say/comment-page-1/#comment-7060 No Pasa Nada » Blog Archive » In which I decide to start showering regularly Mon, 21 Apr 2008 15:57:10 +0000 http://nopasanada.org/2007/11/29/what-i-didnt-say/#comment-7060 [...] So I clicked over to her blog and realized that I did ‘know’ Jen in that I wrote about her nephew in November and her sister and I work on the same [...] [...] So I clicked over to her blog and realized that I did ‘know’ Jen in that I wrote about her nephew in November and her sister and I work on the same [...]

]]> By: Loralee http://nopasanada.org/2007/11/29/what-i-didnt-say/comment-page-1/#comment-6019 Loralee Sun, 09 Dec 2007 05:17:43 +0000 http://nopasanada.org/2007/11/29/what-i-didnt-say/#comment-6019 I was just going to visit and lurk, but I wanted to pipe in. My son died four years ago. I wanted to tape a neon sign to my head that said "I KNOW YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO ME AND IT IS OK". All that matters is that you say something. Anything. It doesn't have to be in the crush of everything. You can wait. Because trust me, when reality hits? Down the road? Is when the shock wears off and the coping and need are fierce. I don't feel like I know what to say to other people in similar situations and I've LIVED it. It is a completely human reaction. Just a simple "I am so sorry" may feel trite, but it is not. Because you genuinely were sorry for them. I am sure they knew that and your presence was appreciated. You did fine. I don't know you, but I am very proud that you went, especially given your anxiety of the surroundings. I know it was appreciated. I was just going to visit and lurk, but I wanted to pipe in.

My son died four years ago. I wanted to tape a neon sign to my head that said “I KNOW YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO ME AND IT IS OK”.

All that matters is that you say something. Anything. It doesn’t have to be in the crush of everything. You can wait. Because trust me, when reality hits? Down the road? Is when the shock wears off and the coping and need are fierce.

I don’t feel like I know what to say to other people in similar situations and I’ve LIVED it. It is a completely human reaction.

Just a simple “I am so sorry” may feel trite, but it is not. Because you genuinely were sorry for them. I am sure they knew that and your presence was appreciated. You did fine. I don’t know you, but I am very proud that you went, especially given your anxiety of the surroundings. I know it was appreciated.

]]> By: LVGurl http://nopasanada.org/2007/11/29/what-i-didnt-say/comment-page-1/#comment-6014 LVGurl Fri, 07 Dec 2007 18:12:29 +0000 http://nopasanada.org/2007/11/29/what-i-didnt-say/#comment-6014 I read this and I get a horrible tightening in my stomach. I don't even want to think about this kind of pain. You did the right thing by attending. You did absolutely the right thing by not saying something trite. Your presence alone was enough for the grieving family. I read this and I get a horrible tightening in my stomach. I don’t even want to think about this kind of pain.

You did the right thing by attending. You did absolutely the right thing by not saying something trite. Your presence alone was enough for the grieving family.

]]> By: Whimspiration http://nopasanada.org/2007/11/29/what-i-didnt-say/comment-page-1/#comment-5989 Whimspiration Wed, 05 Dec 2007 06:31:06 +0000 http://nopasanada.org/2007/11/29/what-i-didnt-say/#comment-5989 Yeah. Yeah.

]]> By: She Likes Purple http://nopasanada.org/2007/11/29/what-i-didnt-say/comment-page-1/#comment-5988 She Likes Purple Wed, 05 Dec 2007 04:41:41 +0000 http://nopasanada.org/2007/11/29/what-i-didnt-say/#comment-5988 There is no right thing to say, but awkward, uncomfortable, inappropriate words are better than your absence, I promise. That you went despite how horrible it was/is for you, says a lot about your character. There is no right thing to say, but awkward, uncomfortable, inappropriate words are better than your absence, I promise. That you went despite how horrible it was/is for you, says a lot about your character.

]]> By: Bethany http://nopasanada.org/2007/11/29/what-i-didnt-say/comment-page-1/#comment-5986 Bethany Wed, 05 Dec 2007 03:27:50 +0000 http://nopasanada.org/2007/11/29/what-i-didnt-say/#comment-5986 you don't sound like an asshole. I know people who have gone through that kind of pain, and people said really outrageously stupid things to them, and the asshole status of their remarks were not really open to question. Good for you for doing the best you can in a hard situation. you don’t sound like an asshole. I know people who have gone through that kind of pain, and people said really outrageously stupid things to them, and the asshole status of their remarks were not really open to question. Good for you for doing the best you can in a hard situation.

]]> By: Black Belt Mama http://nopasanada.org/2007/11/29/what-i-didnt-say/comment-page-1/#comment-5982 Black Belt Mama Tue, 04 Dec 2007 17:27:23 +0000 http://nopasanada.org/2007/11/29/what-i-didnt-say/#comment-5982 I hate going to them too. The three most recent ones I've had to attend were two suicides and a young Mom friend who died of cancer three days before her 30th birthday. All were awful, and talk about not knowing what to say. Lately, I've seemed to adopt the "I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do for you?" statement and then I cook like a mad woman. Cooking makes me feel better and food makes the grieving feel better. I hate going to them too. The three most recent ones I’ve had to attend were two suicides and a young Mom friend who died of cancer three days before her 30th birthday. All were awful, and talk about not knowing what to say. Lately, I’ve seemed to adopt the “I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do for you?” statement and then I cook like a mad woman. Cooking makes me feel better and food makes the grieving feel better.

]]> By: Suebob http://nopasanada.org/2007/11/29/what-i-didnt-say/comment-page-1/#comment-5959 Suebob Mon, 03 Dec 2007 02:54:52 +0000 http://nopasanada.org/2007/11/29/what-i-didnt-say/#comment-5959 You're a good girl. Being there is what it is all about. I am amazed at how many people CAN'T do that when they really need to. You’re a good girl. Being there is what it is all about. I am amazed at how many people CAN’T do that when they really need to.

]]> By: nopasanada http://nopasanada.org/2007/11/29/what-i-didnt-say/comment-page-1/#comment-5957 nopasanada Sun, 02 Dec 2007 18:08:20 +0000 http://nopasanada.org/2007/11/29/what-i-didnt-say/#comment-5957 .I went to the mall just now and saw the mother of said 17 year old. It was her first venture out and she made it 20 minutes before needing to leave. I gave her a hug and asked if she needed anything. She thanked me. Y'all are right; there isn't much to say and/or do but I'm really, really trying because she is such an awesome person. .I went to the mall just now and saw the mother of said 17 year old. It was her first venture out and she made it 20 minutes before needing to leave. I gave her a hug and asked if she needed anything. She thanked me. Y’all are right; there isn’t much to say and/or do but I’m really, really trying because she is such an awesome person.

]]> By: Thursday http://nopasanada.org/2007/11/29/what-i-didnt-say/comment-page-1/#comment-5956 Thursday Sun, 02 Dec 2007 18:04:34 +0000 http://nopasanada.org/2007/11/29/what-i-didnt-say/#comment-5956 Everyone above has said it - particularly Nic at the beginning. Sending a card in a month's time will mean alot - ALOT. Everyone above has said it – particularly Nic at the beginning. Sending a card in a month’s time will mean alot – ALOT.

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