“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.” ~e.e. cummingsYou know what is funny? Narcissism. How perfectly pot/kettle black of me for pointing that out given that I’ve spent the last two and half years meticulously documenting every moment only to write about it and share with several thousand people. The funny narcissism is from those who do not realize that they are behaving as such. Like perhaps those that make disparaging remarks about a blogger and say “Watch out what you say to her in a conversation. It might end up on the blog.” Well ho, ho, ho, isn’t that rich? To automatically assume that anything said to me is going to be blog fodder. Especially when the conversation is between myself and someone that I a) can’t stand b) don’t even know and c) occurs between the hours of 9 AM and 6 PM. The chances that a conversation about printer usage and effective pedagogy are going to increase site traffic are pretty slim to none. Actually, it’s just none.I’m at a reception the other day when a coworker asks me to tell him the calamari story. A really disturbing story about eating calamari then drinking several glasses of pinot noir and then puking up the calamari to find that the calamari had turned purple. A story that I told while speaking at BlogHer this summer and then kind of forgot about. Well this coworker hadn’t and when I asked what he was speaking of he said “Well you wrote about it on the blog” and I subsequently had several margaritas and a panic attack. Though I must admit that the best time to find out that one of your coworkers has perused your archives is with a very large drink in hand.Even though it has become common there still is that shock, tightening of the chest and then sphincter clenching that inevitably comes when someone you deal with from nine to five and nine to five, only, is reading some very intimate details of your life. Like the way too much vodka makes you cry or that you have a bipolar disorder. The following question would be “Then why are you sharing if you don’t want people to read?” There is an interesting dichotomy there, on the one hand, I do write publicly about some personal things but nothing that I’m embarrassed about, yet there is just something very odd about a colleague being all up in your business, especially when others have been particularly cruel about it. I don’t care that they read, it’s comments like “You better watch out what you say to her, it might end up on the blog” that make me want to ask someone just how important they think they are in my life, because the answer would be not at all. Which means the odds of me announcing to the world every minute detail of our conversation about ink cartridges are far less likely than me announcing the world that I hate your hair or that you probably haven’t gotten laid in years, in public. Now that? People might find interesting.Thinking about it now, I suppose that those who find blogging to be somewhere out in the realm of UFO sightings and eating Foie Gras, might be bored with their lives. They need someone else’s life to make fun of and dissect as if it is their own. They are rather small people who obviously need to get some ass or perhaps enjoy some wine that doesn’t come in a box. But I guess now I’m becoming just like them by being judgmental though I can always pride myself by saying at least I never tattled on them and told their mothers, because I can be a judgmental, honest, bitch, but at least I moved away from my five year old tendencies like 19 years ago. And the next time I get drunk I’ll be sure to share every intimate detail like puking up a veggie dog on my bedroom floor. You can thank me for that one later.
I bet you think this post is about you
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27 Comments
it’s weird how we don’t mind complete strangers knowing things about us, but when it comes to coworkers, it’s a completely different story. because they are taking that story from me, rather than allowing me to choose whether or not i give them that story. and sometimes that’s just creepy.
I love that you wrote about this. I had an experience where my husband’s friends (now ex friends) read one of my blog entries where I wrote about them being assholes (they truly are) and they told their mothers. And their mothers proceeded to corner myself and my husband (individually) at another friend’s wedding to bitch us out. I never wrote about them again, not because I was scared, but because I don’t want them to think that they mattered that much for me to write about them.
This was great, Heather! And could you go ahead and BONK ME OVER THE HEAD for not linking you already? Geeez! And this is exactly the reason I *don’t* write about many things that would be such excellent blog material – that and the fact that my family AND my sister in law read my site. Yeeesh!
Sigh.
In a perfect world, nobody IRL would read my blog.
In reality? Everyone IRL (including my MOM) reads my blog.
Hence, I am limited in what I write.
Sigh.
I write on my blog what I want to write. And I don’t regret a single thing I’ve written. But to me, if a co-worker were to read, then I feel like they are getting to know the true me. And I don’t want them to know the true me. They aren’t privleged enough to get to experience my awesome self.
We are not friends. We are co-workers.
And also, it always seems work people are the ones who have a problem with it. Like “holy shit! You have a life outside of this job?”
Oof. Damn, girl! You tell ‘em.
No one can associate my blog with me. I didn’t tell people about it for a long time. I’ve just recently started to share my blogger name, and I’ve allowed people to find it if they so please…. I’ve had mixed results. I find myself sometimes writing directly to these people because I know they are reading. I’m trying not to temper my thoughts, but it’s hard… I hate knowing that people I have in my life are on my blog…
My coworkers know I have a blog, but they kind of pat me on the head. They probably think I’m talking about MySpace.
I consider those of you who have your full name attached to your blog very daring. I’m not ready to make that leap.
As it is, I got burned participating in a small Yahoo group that I belonged to that was populated with about 100 of us from across the country. I spoke in the group about my plans to move to Florida AFTER I’d given my district manager the information. One person, also in my district, attempted to ‘narc me out’. Alas, my boss said that I’d kept her informed.
The DM then applied and was approved for admission to the group. She read all that had been posted in it. I think the other person thought I’d get in trouble-but my boss saw that I am the same person online as I was on the clock.
Lesson learned. I’ll talk about work, but nothing specific. I think there are maybe two people at work who would care to read it if I gave the link, and they know all that I write. I don’t keep many secrets.
The only thing I hate is that I blogged about my SIL’s 15 day hospital stay that was totally preventable. she went ballistic on my husband, which he just took, all the while thinking “I’ve never told her what to do and I’m going to start NOW?!” As a result, the ability to use the blog as online therapy about the stresses the inlaws put on us has been taken away.
Hey, does wordpress allow you to have private entries? If so, that could be my solution to THAT problem (the writing, not the inlaws complaining about it)
It is always weird when someone you work with comments on your blog. My co-workers all know I have one, but I don’t think any of them really pay much attention to it (http://jaynashaye.blogspot.com). I have to be careful what I write about mainly because my Dad and my in-laws read it. I have had one co-worker comment on a post and it was just a vague reference that confused me because I couldn’t tell if it was a vague positive or vague negative and frankly, I was too shocked that she read it at all to ask. I just make sure to never blog about work in any way shape or form. Keeps me out of trouble on that front!
It’s not just work mates finding out about your blog that’s troubling. I work from home so my “colleagues” are my kids; but when the people at my karate school all simultaneously found out about my blog, I had those exact physical reactions. After over 350 posts, I have no idea what all of them said, and I’ve been in plenty a bad mood. It’s definitely unsettling to know that people you know are lurking in on your life. I actually feel better if they comment. Just hanging out there and bringing it up later is nerve-wracking.
Ditto what Angella said, to the word. And yet, I don’t want to be anonymous either. It’s a conundrum.
Dittoing Kerrianne and Angella. I can’t be anonymous and don’t want to be but the tightening in my chest when someone random (but not scary) finds me online isn’t pleasant either. It’s hard and I haven’t figured it out.
Ah yes. I ran into this issue during my Match.com months (weeks?) Someone I met on a first date went home and read through a good bit of my archives. “But they are on the INTERWEBS,” half of my camp said. Indeed, I thought. But wouldn’t it be odd if, after dating a published author for two hours, I went and bought every one of his books, reading them cover to cover before our second date? Or even creepier, read through his MySpace page and every comment, clicking on his friends and exes for hours on end? Yep, it would be weird. As is this.
I was actually just watching a UFO special on TV the other night. Weather balloon, my tail!
Having someone read my archives is one thing. But seeing them suddenly commenting on every blog on my blogroll kinda freaks me out.
I know of at least two of my co-workers who read my blog. One of them knew I blogged because I told her, and she and I are more “friends” than “co-workers”. The other…I’m not so sure how she figured it out. Maybe by Facebook. Either way, I knew this would be a possibility, but it just means I don’t write about people at work. Unless I disguise the people quite a lot, but then that isn’t as much fun for me.
after reading this entry and its subsequent posts, it seems that you are all heavily drinking from the same trough of tailnted kool-aid. my god, the manson family made more sense. do you people not understand that if you put yourself and your ridiculous behaviors “out there” on a public blog w/ your name and picture heavily pasted into it that people will commment? why can know one see that? christ, stevie wonder can see that. they have these new inventions called “diaries” and they way they work is to:
1. write your personal thoughts/reflections about life and people in them;
2.close the “diary” when finished for the day; and
3.perhaps lock said “diary” and/or keep it in a private place.
plus, i’m not sure if you get the irony here but clearly you WILL write about a co-worker’s comments that upset you as the whole entry was about the person’s comments…in detail. you could have simply, either not commented or made a general comment about your thoughts regarding co-workers commenting on your site
I failed to mention this earlier since this entire entry was written while I was sipping on some seriously delicious cherry kool-aid with vodka while in the Southwest terminal in Vegas: My coworker WANTED for me to write about this. In turn I wrote about what he said and he was cool with it.
I don’t care if people comment about it as several people that I’ve worked with in the past knew about it but telling someone’s mother about it with the sole purpse of trying to get the blog writer in trouble?? That’s in some realm of WTF behavior that catches me off guard.
You’re a hero. And if nothing else, I feel like maybe we should be thanking you for sparing us.
I’m kind of unsure on how anonymous I want to be with my site as it is still pretty new. I don’t think I want anyone I know IRL to read it yet but I kind of do. If some people I know read it, they would know it was me in a second. Blah, I’ll figure it out sooner or later.
Sorry for the rambles! I enjoy your site though!
This line right here: “They are rather small people who obviously need to get some ass or perhaps enjoy some wine that doesn’t come in a box.” Is my new favorite quote. I’ve thought about these things, especially the day my co-worker asked me about my vajayjay issues at the copy machine, which were recently blogged after a miscarriage. And I was ok with it. Really. It was the pathetic look I got later, that “poor blogger girl” look that really pissed me off. Like we’re all losers. We’re not. Obviously.
None of my friends read my blog (even though I stupidly once told them eons ago). MY SIL reads it but just in case I can’t reveal too much. GIN makes me cry btw!
Yeah. I pretty much love you.
I actually dumped my last blog because my in-laws were reading it. I naively thought they would ignore the crass parts the way my parents do. I’m thinking of writing a book with a whole chapter devoted to who to NOT tell about your personal blog. Or maybe I should write about how to not give a crap abut who reads your personal blog.
Hmmm.
Blog on, HB. Love you.
Um, I LIKE wine in a box. But I certainly get ass.
LOVE this entry, and LOVE you.
Hi, I found the link to your site from Holly at Nothing but Bonfires. Anywhoo. I always feel torn about the same thing. The worst was when my ex-roomie/best friend and her other bitchy friend started reading about my life on my blog. I quit writing for almost a year cuz it pissed me off, but yet I was flattered at the same time. Who knew I was just so damn interesting? lol
Then I got over it, started a new one, and if I want stuff for only friends/fam to read, I use vox.com. You have to be invited to read it. (There it’s just a bunch of wedding crap discussion cuz it’s easier to post it in one place then answering 500 questions about the same thing…..)
Great blog!
I was having a little spontaneous verbal dissertation about something or other at work when a coworker asked “What’s the deal, did you just blog on this or something?” I had one of those face-gone-cold moments, you know, I’m thinking how in the hell my co-workers know about my blog… I still have no idea if it was coincidence or not, my blog isn’t as popular as yours, so I’m hoping yes.
Some time later, a co-worker turned friend and I are talking about the blog when he (ugh, yeah, “he”) asks for the URL. I demur and he says the famous line: “Well, it’s public isn’t it?” blah blah… Within a few days I’m seeing URL traffic that I know is probably from people he has directed, another co-worker who is a notorious gossip… The last part of your post reminds me of my thoughts from this particular time. TOTALLY. I think people do get bored and need other peoples lives to mess with.
But my blog is public so I suppose I just have to be sure I don’t post anything that can get me fired…