Like hell
September 23, 2007 | Filed under: Mmhmm That's Right, Sucks like a vacuum
“One’s friends are that part of the human race with which one can be human.” ~George Santayana
When I first moved, I put the word ‘moved’ in air quotes because I still had an apartment and my bills and a constantly sober roommate who looked at me with disdain every other night. My bed and furniture was still there and the metropolitan police department still remembered my license plate number and the exact location of my vehicle, thus the seven parking tickets received between May and July. So really, I hadn’t moved.
I went back for a weekend whenever I felt moved to do so, which meant a rather consistent relationship with friends even though I was technically living 400 miles away. When my lease finally ended and I packed up the last of my crap including several incomplete sets of sheets and items of clothing that haven’t fit since 2001, I still remained confident that I’d keep up with my friends due to the advancements in technology including this thing called email and something else called a cell phone.
I hate being one to divide my friends into categories as it seems so very third grade, one is my first best friend the other is my second best friend, type bull shit. Yet there are distinct differences between those who knew you from through your awkward, fat, sweater vest, clarinet playing days and those who knew you during your awkward, fat, lush, JCrew days. And these are two completely different groups of people who probably wouldn’t think they were discussing the same person when retelling their favorite stories about me.
The above isn’t to say that I’ve changed by leaps and bounds and that six years of not living in a ridiculously small town has turned me into a new, grown up woman. It means that there is a profound difference between the 17 year old me – the me that never left the house and spent hours in her room alone reading and writing in a full on pity party for one full of loathsome teenage angst – and the 23 year old me – the me that enjoys being out for drinks or a good foodie dinner out and likes Sephora and can’t resist a sale at Banana Republic.
The 17 year old lived at home and though she wasn’t ok with being ridiculously unpopular she just went with it. The 23 year old has lived in an amazing city for six years and has friends that she adores and - oh my God this is going to sound so trite – has friends that have literally been the one thing that has held her together. The latter group knows what my ugly crying face looks like and that I don’t do the dishes until the last cup is dirty and how I feel about sex and what size bra I wear and that I’m not allowed in Nordstrom alone and my favorite vodka and are proud of me when I do something great and cry with me when everything hurts. They know the little things that I was keeping to myself for my entire adolescence while sitting in my bedroom alone.
Where I was going with this, is not where I ended up. I wanted to say that I feel like I’ve been an adequate friend and that despite my best efforts to see everyone, every time I’m in DC, I can’t because I’m one person with very few nights. Where I have ended up is realizing that my best friends in the world are in DC and I can’t ever shake this awful feeling I’ve had since I decided to move back here. I keep saying that it’s for the best and this was a good decision, excellent opportunity and it was and is. But that doesn’t stop me from wanting to be sitting with LB or Kimber or JB or Pammy or Kris with a bottle of wine at some bar in Georgetown or Capitol Hill. The settling in here and being OK with my life hasn’t stopped me from missing my best friends in the world like hell.
Beth says:
I totally hear you, darlin’. I moved seven years ago and still wonder, almost daily, “Why did I move? Should I move back?”
I’m sure I will, someday, and then I’ll wonder, “Why did I move in the first place?”
But, I figure, you’re always where you’re supposed to be.
Dagny says:
Awwww. When I chose to move from Virginia back to California, it was one of the easiest decisions since some of my closest friends were here. And I had been missing them desperately while I was in Virginia. They had so many adventures in my absence, and I was jealous for not being around to be included. But then they all got married and had kids and the whole dynamic changed. So I went out and found new friends. The old ones are still around, because they know where the bodies are buried, but he new ones have helped me to get through the present times.
AMPlifier says:
You’re so lucky to have all those friends who knew you when. I’m jealous.
RandomGirl says:
I concur with Amplifiliei. you are so lucky to have those friends. I’ve never managed to have ‘best friends.’ All of them have become boyfriends, decided I’m not worth it, or moved away.
I didn’t go anywhere… they did….
BOSSY says:
Yeah, yuck, it doesn’t get much easier. Gets way worse. Bossy found one thing that helps though: act as though your new acquaintances are already your best buddies and force the intimacy it sometimes takes years to develop. Either that, or gin.
Mocha says:
I’d say go with the gin like Bossy recommends and find some new Gin Friends. Or Bourbon Friends. Or Dirty Martini Friends.
Basically, drink a lot and find some friends.
Good luck with that. It’s just pretty sucky to miss your friends. Virtual hug? Virtual kiss? Virtual drink?
Nah. I know. No substitute.
hannita says:
You’ll have to give the new/old place a shot. Perhaps you can find a happy medium between the DC Heather and the High School Heather. We’re constantly changing. (And if it doesn’t seem to be working out, you can always move back)
sweetney says:
i’m gonna second that vote for Gin. heh.
we’ll talk more this weekend. sistahs gonna work it out (hey, at least *I* get to see you!).
Kristabella says:
I FEEL you, chica.
I spent the best years and the years that shaped me into the person I am in the Bay Area. Those people know me best. And then we all moved away. And I miss those people SO much and miss getting to see them every day.
But they are your best friends. Which means they will always be there for you. And you know that you will always have the best time when you’re with them. Like no time has passed.
Hang in there. It will get easier.
token says:
Having moved so often in my life I know your situation all too well.
I can only hope the miss me, too.
token says:
they!
Dammit!
Trula says:
Good friends are hard to find and friends who will grow with you or be supportive of your growth are even harder to find. You are blessed to have good friends.