The Washingtonian
August 15, 2007 | Filed under: Comes And Goes, Gruyere With That Wine, The Great Moving Caper, This side of the Hudson
“Home is not where you live but where they understand you.” ~Christian Morgenstern
A few weeks ago I had a few episodes of homesickness brought on by an episode of Meet the Press and then a mention of Restaurant Week. Then Amy probably mentioned Noah and the tears started to well. I was homesick. Ridiculously so at that. I started missing little things like the Sephora in Georgetown or my weekend routine of the gym, Trader Joe’s, coffee, a nap and then drinks. A routine that could almost be emulated here if I didn’t live with a woman who didn’t understand my obsession with Sauvignon Blanc and why I need to nap in the middle of the day.
I had a life and friends turned family that took six years to build and cherish and put up with my bullshit. I moved and new the lay of the land and could successfully drive from Maryland to Virginia without becoming suicidal. I was comfortable and when I’m comfortable, I become extremely averse to any sort of change or sudden movements. I wasn’t happy – because in general I am not a happy person – and things were nowhere near perfect. But I always knew that if something were to go terribly wrong I could walk to Kris’ apartment or that my best friends in the world were just a short metro ride away.
It was easy. Possibly too easy.
I moved because I needed the change and I felt it in my gut that it would be the right thing to do. So I had celebratory dinners and parties and cried then cried some more then ended up returning to DC literally five days after I left. A trend that continued for roughly two and half months to the point where I decided that I was sick of DC. So, I got a uhaul and packed up the remnants of my life there and transferred them all to my father’s garage, where they are now covered in a fine layer of dust. Yum.
I’m often uncomfortable with my decisions which could be attributed to age or the fact that I’m stubborn but even when I know deep down inside that it’s the right thing to do, I keep thinking I’m missing out on something. Some big event or party or whatever, I’m missing it because I decided to move 400 miles away. And so I cried.
It’s stupid, I know it is and it passed. But for a week, I felt like I couldn’t do ‘this’ – whatever ‘this’ is – anymore. Like I had to move back and get my life because I would never find that level of comfort anywhere else. I felt lost and like I had made some God awful mistake which can obviously be perpetuated when you move in WITH YOUR MOTHER. Goodbye, privacy!
For years when people asked me where I was from I would say Washington, DC. Because that’s where my life, bills and bed were. But Washington is such a bubble of people with a rather one track mind and a crackberry permanently attached to the hip and a grocery cart full of organic foods. I miss it. I miss it like hell even if it is a short plane ride and even though I’m contractually obligated to go down once a month, I still feel that little pang – like right now as I’m writing this all out – of missing happy hours around town or a quick trip to Whole Paycheck. So right now I’m in some purgatory: Enjoying weekends at the track and road trips to Massachusetts. Getting reacquainted with my parents, brother and high school friends. Shockingly enough, they do have wine here and bars and grocery stores that sell over priced organic food.
In the event that you were really wondering, so far, so good. But I might rethink all of this come Winter. Then I’ll just have to write a post with the words “PLEASE SEND BOOZE” and you’ll know right then and there that it’s an absolute emergency and that maybe Upstate NY wasn’t the best idea ever.
Oh, The Joys says:
How ironic that this is my first opportunity to comment (desptite having your site open all da on Monday) and I am doing it from The Hilton Garden Inn at 14th and “Eye” Streets.
You’re not here.
EDW says:
I liked this. I could feel those little pangs you wrote about, my own memories of the life I used to live.
Dagny says:
I think part of it is age. When I suddenly decided to leave law school, I returned home — 3000 miles and no job lined up — to live with my mother. Within a year, I was out of there and had a whole new partygirl life. Of course, it helped that my best friends — both from college but one with whom I had also grown up — were in the same area. When I returned, they quickly took me under their wing and re-introduced me to the social sphere of the area. I didn’t have the luxury of returning because of distance. I had to make a go of it. And even though there have been rough patches along the way, I’d have to say that overall it has been pretty good. But then again TJ’s and now Sephora are within a 10 minute drive or so. I cannot imagine life with TJ’s. Sephora? Eh. I’ve never been into the whole skincare regimen or makeup.
jomama says:
Wow, this is similar what I’m going through now. Today is my last day at the job I’ve had since I got out of college in 2004 because I have to move to NorVA to be with my husband. I was excited, even anxious, to quit at first, but now I keep thinking I quit too hastily and maybe I should stay just a few more weeks. I am so going to cry this afternoon.
Maria says:
Vivid descriptions, Heather.
I will pony up and send wine come winter.
MappyB says:
I feel you on all of the above…we’re missing DC too…often asking ourselves ‘what are we doing down here?!?!!’
katie says:
Change is not easy, and if it were everybody would do it a lot more often. I cried like nobody’s business on the plane to Germany, and then quite a bit for the first three months as I *tried* to settle in. Snaps to you for pushing yourself and making changes, even when the doubt creeps in. Drink plenty of Franzia for me, and I’ll send good vibes your way. Hope that doesn’t weird you out since we’ve never met, but I like your writing a lot & finally felt compelled to comment. Take care.
Kristabella says:
I went through the EXACT same thing about 2 1/2 years ago when I moved home to Chicago. I had lived on the left coast for 10 years, since graduating high school, and I loved my life in AZ and then in CA. But after getting fired, I moved home. And it was a big adjustment. Change may be good, but it isn’t easy.
But I can honestly tell you it WILL get better. Trust me. And if it doesn’t, you can always make another change. That’s what makes life so awesome. Don’t like it? Change it.
wunelle says:
Wow. I go away for a couple months and look what happens: new blog, new home, new life. Clearly I was holding you back.
I’ll have to spend some time catching up, clearly.
bloggadocio says:
wrongitty wrong wrong. you jut wrote about how much you love your job, so it was a good decision. and as with any big change - there comes adjustment. I promise, one day you’ll wake up and realize you’ve carved yourself a nice new little life in upstate NY and you have all these fabulous friends in other cities who would welcome you with open arms at any time. But it’s ok to cry a little until that morning wake-up comes.
hannita says:
I feel that same way right now - sort of. The beginning of May I moved from the suburbs to the city. Earlier in the year I had given up the place where I had most of my connections with people. The move is so much better for my daily commute. Love having my own place. Love being by the beach. But I have these little meltdowns every so often because my friends don’t just stop by like they did before. And I’m missing out on things with them. I still question the move sometimes but most of the time I’m happy I did it.
Susan says:
I love this post for volumes of reasons, but I will say only this: your writing is so beautiful.
I will see you in DC in nine weeks, and you can show me around your home.
Bone says:
Yes! Sauvignon Blanc! Call me, girl!
(You realize, of course, I have no idea what that is.)
We should do a wine line-up. I have to pick a particular wine out of a group of say ten bottles. Each time I’m wrong, you get to drink a glass.
Brunch Bird says:
Contractually obligated only once a month?! I might know people who can tinker with that contract to increase it to 28 times a month. I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’.
Arjewtino says:
So you’re saying you’re moving back? I hear ya.