How to make a black woman violent
August 9, 2007 | Filed under: Just Add Alcohol, Oh The Stupidity You'll See
“The more I see of men, the more I like dogs.” ~Madame de Staël
1) While at a very Irish bar in South Boston wherein there are no other black people within a five mile radius; you – being a drunk, white, male - turn to her and say “Do a lot of black women come to a pub like this?”
2) Smile like an idiot when saying it and then make some idiotic ‘heh’ noise, because you think you’re so damn brilliant.
3) Be clad in a Hard Rock t-shirt and flip flops
4) When she ignores you, because she’s too busy imagining your testicles in a Mason Jar on her desk, continuously bump into her
5) Confess that you are doing it on purpose and that she is reciprocating and “feeling it” (For the record, she has some class and standards and would rather sit through 17 hours of the fucking circus - with the clowns and everything - before touching you on purpose)
6) Ask her for her phone number
7) When she says no, tell her that you’re going to slip away for a second and when you get back, slip you the number
8 ) Not get the hint that she hates you with the fire of a million suns and you are unable to understand this until her burly boyfriend (READ: White, older, Republican, favorite drinking pal) comes up and announces loudly “So whose ass do I have to kick”
At which point you cower and walk towards the door while giving glances back at said black woman and her ‘hot’ boyfriend. It’s most likely because you’re a pussy and possibly afraid of Republicans who can drink you under the table. Asshat.
OMSH says:
“Do a lot of black women come to a pub like this?”
This is quite possibly the WORST pick-up line ever.
I think you should have said, “Shows how drunk you are, I’m not black.”
Bwahahahaha
Megan says:
OMG. What a TOOL. I lived in Southie for 4 years (moved to the burbs w/ the fiance 8 months ago), and this is completely, utterly, pathetically typical of Southie bars.
Allow me to apologize on behalf of the NORMAL people living in Boston and Southie, for this wicked lame idiot. We’re not all quite as socially challenged. Swear.
Gin says:
Bucking Frilliant as always! You blog so honest and clean! Put them in the head next time so they’ll feel your pain.
Cassie says:
Ah hahaa! That’s awesome. I too always go drinking with at least 1 wing man. (I consider a wing man to be the guy who is my “boyfriend” when unwanted advances come.) Nicely done!
Laurie says:
Oh God. Had similar, much less racially offensive experience last weekend. Herewith:
1. Plow through crowd during the third song of the Police set at the Virgin Festival, and with all 6 feet of you, stand directly in front of me and my friend.
2. be lacking a shirt, have a crew cut, and be vigorously drinking a Bud Lite.
3. When I ask you (politely) to step to the left where there is a space, pretend not to be able to hear and make bizarre dancing motions towards me and my friend.
4. Say “Hey, chill out, heeeeyyyyyyy” while still standing in front of me and my friend.
5. When I say “FFFFFFFFF YOUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!! You suck! Get out of the WAY!!!!” with a rage I wasn’t aware that I was capable of, pretend not to be disturbed, make same dancing motions again, and move off to the left, pretending it was your idea, and not just that I am badass.
(THIS would be great on indiebloggers, by the way. And also, you are much more well behaved than I am. I may have been heard to utter more profanity in the above noted conversation. Some people are just WRONG.)
Belinda says:
Best part of this story? “with the clowns and everything.” Because THAT illustrates what you’re willing to suffer to escape, with crystal-clarity.
jen says:
Oh, honey, do you understand what we Republicans are going to do to your liver next month?
No Pasa Nada » Blog Archive » Housekeeping says:
[...] up out of nowhere (cue angels) and my trip got substantially better. And then I got hit on by some shit head whose balls I wanted to put in a mason jar. That said, those have been my only trips to Boston [...]