A beautiful reciprocal arrangement
July 31, 2007 | Filed under: BlogHer, Blogology
“Among other things, you’ll find that you’re not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You’re by no means alone on that score, you’ll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spriritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You’ll learn from them – if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It’s a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn’t education. It’s history. It’s poetry”- J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye
I take myself with a boulder of salt and then some. Never too seriously despite my dramatic tendencies and flair for hyperbole. It’s most certainly not inherent, but something that’s just always been there. I come equipped to all new and semi-unfamiliar situations with a knot in the pit of my stomach. Last Tuesday, I begged Amy to come to Chicago. There was some groveling and I even equipped her with a free drink ticket courtesy of the fine people of Southwest Airlines. It got her thinking and I was hopeful. Like I needed her there with me, to hold my hand again. So that I could Velcro myself to her in the event that everyone disliked me and no one wanted to be my friend and I cried myself to sleep every night after getting drunk in my hotel room alone.
I’m sorry if you didn’t notice, but I was the one in the white dress with the pockets flitting around receptions. I was beyond gregarious. I hugged and smiled and accepted compliments graciously despite the ever present hangover. Never once drinking alone but always with others over thoughtful conversation or gratuitous and ubiquitous boob grabbing. The fear that was there, while I begged Amy and downed glasses of white wine (to mask a not very stellar meal), dissipated upon my arrival the W.
I wasn’t nervous or anxious, I was happy and excited. It might have been heavy doses of narcotics or maybe it was just that sudden knowledge that I would be ok. Things would be OK. It’s a feeling that I love; knowing that I’m wrong after being at my most worrisome. I’m not that far removed from high school so I those feelings still creep back up every once in awhile because it’s practically right there. I still can remember the bad days, the cruel crying in the girl’s locker room days and that’s what I always fear upon entering the unknown. Which is when I realized that it’s not the unknown; I’ll be surrounded by people that I ‘know’ and that ‘know’ me.
The list of people I met would be long and boring except to say that I wish I had more time with them. I never once said that about high school, in fact I wanted to run away from high school and may or may have not made threats of bodily harm if I wasn’t let out posthaste.
Saturday night, Catherine and I were discussing blogging communities and the intricacies of them and whether or not they were exclusive for people with certain traits, etc. While I don’t believe that I am part of any specific community, which I actually like. I’m not just a black blogger or a female blogger or an alcoholic blogger with a penchant for swearing. I just do what I do because it’s fun. It’s a hobby which I enjoy and I hate being all gushy and shit but it’s the truth.
People asked what the line “a beautiful reciprocal arrangement” means. It’s from Catcher in the Rye. It’s how I see blogging I suppose; a way of sharing with others our troubles, trials and tribulations in hopes of learning even the littlest of things from one another. It’s how the world works, we go on and gather tidbits from the people we encounter through life. If it’s useful we store it, if not we just move along. That’s how I see blogging, as this arrangement of contributing our experiences with others. It’s not meant to be high school but instead to be inclusive. And if you don’t see or get what you need from one person just move along because there is always more to see, more to learn, and more stupid, drunk 20- somethings to laugh at. And always, always, always more boob grabbing.
Flickr set here
Dagny says:
I’m glad to hear that the experience was not as bad as you thought it would be.
Infinitely better.
Lissa says:
I really wish I could have gone because it looks like you guys had a great time. I loved what you wrote about blogging and I couldn’t have put it better myself. It’s nice to know that there are others who are going through the same thing you are and you can take comfort in that you aren’t alone.
Oh good, glad it made sense. Because here’s a very little known secret: I don’t really proofread (can you tell?). But good you get it! Yay!
Angela says:
I’m so proud of you and so wish that I could have been there to meet your fabulous, outgoing self! Maybe some day
In the meantime, I shall live through your Flickr set!
Come next year! Oh wait, weddings are expensive as hell but try to do both! Or maybe I’ll come to Seattle since I’m on this whole fly around the US kick.
jenB says:
You were a freakin’ joy to be around every second I was able to do so. I found freedom this year, freedom from whatever high school junior high school nonsense I really felt last year. You, HeatherBeeeeeeeeeee were a definite highlight.
It’s so amazing how completely different this year was to last year. Last year I felt claustraphobic and everyone was mean and bitchy. This year I was too busy having fun and enjoying myself to notice such BS. OH and I got to hang with you. At two bars. As they both kicked us out. Awesome.
OMSH says:
You were so NOT this frittering woman in a white dress. I saw a bold, fabulously fun, open, lovely woman.
And?
So not highschool - there were no boy wars.
Oh wait - there weren’t any boys.
Okay some, but not many.
A bold, fabulously fun, open, lovely woman who likes to grab boobs upon first meeting people. Now THAT? That was totally not High School.
Let me know when I should come to Texas, but then Jessica might get a little jealous about me not coming to Idaho. Like ever. I kid! Kind of
Nothing But Bonfires says:
Um, let’s please not forget that you SMELLED AMAZING.
I was all “OMG! Holly Burns just smelled me!” Seriously. But then I think I just got used to you coming up to sniff me. So, thanks.
gorillabuns says:
heatherb!
so beautifully put!
though, i hate it you felt this way coming into this whole affair, secretly, i’m glad to know, you felt this way. i was having high anxiety at times myself.
but, let’s all say it together, “HEATHER CAN SURE WORK A ROOM LIKE NO OTHER!”
Heather can sure eat dunkin donuts like no other as well. I went there today for coffee and almost puked. Bleh.
Kristabella says:
I’m glad it was such a good time. Although I was secretly hoping that everyone would have a bad, bad time since I wasn’t there.
And my only reason for not going was because well, I’m a chicken shit and I was too afraid to go by myself and was afraid that no one would like me.
Yes, I’m an idiot but will definitely be at BlogHer 08!
COME! It’s fun.
Though if I keep writing about how great and magical and shit it all was, I will totally jinx myself for next year.
Isabel says:
Wait…were you are at BlogHer? In a white dress, you say?
Were you? I didn’t see you? Remind me again what you look like? Are you absolutely gorgeous and soft spoken and adorable as hell?
Nic says:
See, your post makes me really believe that I should have a personal blog and that I will love it. The reason I haven’t? A lot of it is that I’m afraid of the blogging community politics: Will they like me? Will they hate me? What happens when the crazies come? And instead, it is something that can just be enjoyed.
(but I’m still afraid of the crazies)
LisaB says:
We love you and we are all your friends. So there!
Salt comes in boulders?
It does too, Lisa! So there!
Abi says:
You, flitting? I sort of don’t believe that. Anyways, I just realized this morning while fantasizing about a vacation in Mexico that I have to go to at least two weddings next summer. They better not schedule them for the same weekend as BlogHer or I will be mad.
Repeat after me: I, Abi Jones, will be attending BlogHer as HB’s roommate.
whoorl says:
I wanted to meet you, but I never saw you ANYWHERE.
I heard/saw on Flickr that you were gorgeous. I really wish we had met. Maybe next time.
Mocha says:
I’m going to have to stop calling you “zygote” for this shit.
I know! How about “TWIN”??? Because, obviously, we are doppelgangers.
Oh don’t worry, I have a post coming up about the above and other seemingly innocuous things that I find offensive.
Susan says:
Dude was I the ONLY pair of boobs in Chicago that you DIDN’T grab?
I’m a little insulted. But mostly I just miss you.
If only you could get me to come to OKC. If not, then there is always next year. Because really, you live in Oklahoma. I mean I’d never come out there. Like ever.
Suburban Turmoil says:
Well said. I loved meeting you, even if only for a moment. I loved the feeling of being in a room full of talented women full of ideas and laughter. That made the whole thing worthwhile.
Karen Rani says:
I don’t believe we had a conversation, despite being in the same circles. In truth, the confidence you say you lacked was bright and beautiful. Thus, I was terrified. Isn’t it funny how our brains work?
At any rate, I am truly glad you had a great time.
Kristin says:
Someone grabbed my no-boobs one night and I am quite sure it was either you or JenB. It must have been a little like grasping at pebbles, so sorry about that.
But ANYWAY you are a total delight and I am glad we had some time to chat, even if neither of us are totally clear on the content of our conversation.
Liz says:
Totally random aside- Kate Spade has been sending me emails every damn day lately. Did you tell her about my penchant for adorable handbags? She is STALKING me, I tell you.
Her Bad Mother says:
A Beautiful Reciprocal Arrangement. So perfect.
I am BEYOND thrilled that I got to hang with you and convince you to be my friend. BEYOND.
xoxo
Lori says:
I think “a beautiful reciprocal arrangement” sums it up perfectly. It’s a great quote from Catcher, and an even better analogy to blogging. Bravo.
Shash says:
This was absolutely perfect. The perfect post to sum up how I felt about BlogHer. Thank you.
I’m so glad I met you. Thank you for making my first BlogHer experience so enjoyable. You rock my socks.
Shash
Rae says:
Wow, what a beautiful quote, I was captured by it. And I couldn’t go this year, but those worries would have been my exact worries, so it’s good to read that it didn’t turn out that way for you.
Lili says:
I *loved* meeting you. Wish I could’ve had more time to get to know you. You guys made me swell with ooey-gooey love when you came up to me after the Politics of Inclusion/Exclusion session. Thank you, thank you, thank you for introducing yourself!
Chickenliver says:
Do you think there was No Bitchy angry stuff going on because Dooce and her friends weren’t there? I have not failed to notice how much happier all you woman seem this year. There was no high school locker room antics. No, you’re not good enough, or popular enough going on. Last year if you weren’t in the “Inner Circle” which is Heather Powazek, Heather Armstrong (dooce), Mightygirl, Fusssy, Finslippy, Melissa Summers( suburban AAClub Leader), or Amalaha you were a big fat LOSER.
And Heather aka Dooce wonders why I and others don’t like her. Geeze…I wonder why? It’s all in our heads that she’s a freaking ego manic that doesn’t give a shit about her readers or pretty much anyone except herself and her “inner “ circle and making money off of her daughter’s life and her ads.
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