Sadly, there will be no wine available
May 16, 2007 | Filed under: Socially Awkward Barbie™, Whoopdie Doo
“Everything becomes a little different as soon as it is spoken out loud.” ~Hermann Hesse
As part of The Great Bedroom Crap Cleanout of 2007, I came across folders upon notebooks upon binders of old essays and papers. My favorite was my musician portfolio in which I was continuously told to learn very basic C major scales or else my clarinet would be shoved up my right nostril. Another was my public speaking portfolio. It was full of ‘A’s and high praise for my general presence in a room therefore being able to captivate an audience’s attention from point blank. My really great presence in which I captivate the audience with my birds nest afro and shitty wardrobe.
I also have a tendency to either mumble or speak with a certain celerity and narcissism that compels people to focus less on the words coming out of my mouth but more on throwing hard objects at the center of my often oily forehead. Have I mentioned my proclivity to use the word ‘fuck’? Or have you all not noticed that?
Given the above, I feel the need to notify and warn that I will be speaking at a rather public venue this summer. Sandwiched between two of my best friends. During which we will all be sharing a prescription from the benzodiazepine family.
Tina says:
Ah, the Benzo family. They always throw a good party.
Don’t they? They’re just so warm and welcoming.
LisaBinDaCity says:
I would rather have my teeth removed than engage in public speaking. Major stage fright at my end!
Depending on how this goes, I might be right there with you.
mdvelazquez says:
Blogher? You are a brave woman. I am not a strong public speaker.
Brave? No. Crazy? Yes. Thus the benzos.
heather anne says:
I would have paid a lot more attention in speech class (and in church) if people were using the word fuck.
So you’re saying that I should try to use it sporadically while I’m speaking? Shall I test out the ‘c’ word? Perhaps not, that might give Mama a heart attack.
Bone says:
I don’t know anything about any proclivity. Sounds like just another ugly rumor to me.
Clarinet up your right nostril? That kind of makes me cringe as I remember band students at my school purchasing used instruments.
You’re hilarious.
Why thank you, pal
girlgoyle says:
Oh i remember those report card comments. Mine were a bit redundant as I was a brilliant kid but too distracted. In this day and age I’d be diagnosed with ADD for finding other things to focus on besides the boring class. I guess some habits are hard to kill as my attention span is still very short. Toodles to you for speaking in public though something tells me that it may not be a good venue to test out the “c” word. Just a suggestion.
GreenCanary says:
Ah, the “F” word. I love it so, so much. It rolls off of the tongue like sweet wine on a summer evening.