Archive for March, 2006

Ridiculous

March 27, 2006 | Filed under: La Madre

Or as I like to say “ri-cock-ulous”; so ri-cock-ulous in fact that it has to be it’s own post and who doesn’t enjoy reading every inane thought that runs through my head.

You’re so very welcome.

Perhaps if it were 1863 and I was fearing the destruction of Fort Sumter and the confederates were coming to take my Yankee ass to Mississippi, then maybe, just maybe this would be ok. But this morning, when quietly perusing my gmail account, I noticed an advertisement for a confederacy website “All things Confederate. Online since 1996!” Of course now I can’t find the URL*, but last I checked, google and gmail were all “Yes there will be advertisements, but only for things that you’d be interested in” and given the intelligence of google, then of course every ad, would pertain to something that I would in fact care about. But the confederacy?
It must have been that email that proclaimed that the south will rise again. No wait, I know, it was the email I sent to Bone that said “Take care and long live Dixie”.

And for the record, I like the South, my parents are both southerners, with my father hailing from Birmingham. READ: I am not adverse to southerners just the idea of the confederacy.
*found the URL www.rebelstore.com Go quick before all of the “I survived Appomattox and all I got was this lousy t-shirt” shirts are sold out.

I see stupid people

March 23, 2006 | Filed under: Oh The Stupidity You'll See

Though not one to usually piggy back off of other’s posts (I feel like I’m stealing when I do it), this post from I-66 inspired me in so many ways to write one almost similar, but in bullet form and with an option to expand on his ideas. You see, I’m from upstate NY. Land of the free, home of the white man. It’s cold and dreary for 8 months out of the year and it’s boring unless you’re the skiing/hiking/boating/camping type of person. I’m into all of the above except for skiing, which I did for 5 years and hated every second of. Then again, I only did it because I thought it would make me popular. It didn’t.

But when he mentioned how people speak different types of English based on who they’re around and/or where they are from, I thought of the numerous times that people have pointed out to me that I speak differently. I speak differently? As in I can use the phrase “you abhorrent motherfucker” correctly?

I think we need some examples for this exercise in asshat-ry to work properly:

• The cab driver bringing me from Georgetown back to my apartment who asked where I was from, because I spoke very well for a black person. (it should be mentioned that I-66 said he would’ve spit on the cabbies money. That’s a tactic I’ll use for next time)
• The stranger in my local liquor store who asked where exactly I was from because I didn’t sound like I was from here. (No comment)
• The man who the cabbie picked up on my way home one evening, who asked where I was from. I told him upstate NY and he, in all his very perceptive glory, said that it’s cold up there and that there are a lot of trees. Also? There aren’t a lot of black people. (thank you for pointing that out to me, you can go shave your back hair now you dumb fuck)
• The 150 times that people have been visibly shocked to meet me after speaking to them on the phone and saying that my name is Heather.
• Or, my personal favorite, the dozens who find it odd that I golf and/or wear polo and/or shop at the gap and/or shop at J.Crew. Obviously I must be white if I’m shopping at any of those places, because it’s apparently unfathomable that I own argyle. (For the record, I enjoy argyle, cashmere, and little polo playing men monogrammed on my sweater)
• And finally, anyone that says incredulously “You’ve been to Martha’s Vineyard??” For the record, there’s a whole slew of black people that reside on Martha’s Vineyard, but if you took the time to heal after that severe head injury that made you a dumb fucktard, then you would know that
• Oh, forgot one, all the times I’ve been met with astonished faces when I say that I attended American.

Now one would think that I would become enraged upon hearing all of these things or that I’d be doing some serious kicking and or punching (“I don’t sound black? Well you’re about to find out what a person with no teeth sounds like”). But alas not. What’s the point? If I spent my time trying to discipline every ignorant shithead to cross my path, I would have no time to write about it on the internet or to enjoy Five Guys or burritos. Over the years I’ve learned to just give a weak smile and a ‘heh’, though annoying as hell, I’ve seen the very serious side of reacting to one’s words on race – whether or not intended to hurt or not – and it’s not pretty. Meanwhile, I’ll sit here and watch the dipshits of the world self destruct, because it’s pretty much inevitable when you’re that stupid.

Educating the Masses

March 23, 2006 | Filed under: La Madre

“No man who worships education has got the best out of education…. Without a gentle contempt for education no man’s education is complete.” ~G.K. Chesterton

A few years ago, prior to having my life sucked out of me from working on a campaign, I had made the decision to attend graduate school. It wasn’t one of those half ass decisions – I don’t make half ass decisions – it was an in depth look into roughly 15 graduate schools that had education policy programs. Like, I said not a half ass decision or a “this looks interesting, why not waste another hundred grand…?” it’s something that I’ve always had a deep interest in, the basis of which, I’m still unable to put my finger on. It’s like my fascination with Congress, it kind of just happened at a fairly young age. I don’t understand the concept of not pursuing something that you’re wholeheartedly interested in. It just doesn’t make sense, but that’s another pet peeve for another day.

People asked if I wanted to teach thus the choosing of such a program. I want to teach, but not for the rest of my life and honestly, I couldn’t stand doing a job in which there is so little credit for an enormous amount of difficult and sometimes painstaking work. Last night I spoke with a friend of mine who is a teacher. MKeg teaches in a public school in Albany. A public school that she attended many years ago and had always looked forward to teaching at. It’s a public school that has changed immensely over the past 17 (GULP!) years. Though many of the teachers have hung on via their tenure, the parents are now unconcerned with the welfare of their children and a school in which violence and pseudo gang fights were pretty much the norm. She told me the story of a child who had had a seizure in school. When the nurse called and told the parent about it, the mother said that she couldn’t come retrieve her child because she needed to sleep before working all night. The hell?

Now, we’re not talking Kozol-esque terrible. This is upstate NY not the South Bronx, but still terrible nonetheless. MKeg’s concern is that if the parents don’t care, then the children don’t care thus making her job that much more difficult. It’s sad but true and so now she is applying for positions at other schools in the area, where parents tend to put more into their children’s education. This would be an excellent time to mention that due to No Child Left Behind standards that schools need to comply with, has caused budget cuts at many of the area schools (if the budget is raised then property taxes are raised by double digits) which are now forced to lay off teachers. It’s like a vicious perpetual cycle in which things have to get worse before becoming better and in which the parents don’t care, so the students don’t care and the teachers are pretty much shit out of luck as are the students.

It’s frustrating and it angers me. I have no reason to be obsessing over such things, but I do, because if I do decide to have children, I am forced to think really hard about whether or not I can live in this area and afford to send my child to GDS where kindergarten is $19,000. It’s just disheartening knowing that most people could care less about such things. Or am I mistaken? I was extremely well educated and I feel like everyone should have the same opportunities; the opportunity to turn into well adjusted (HA HA HA) adults who can obsess about the inane and the important, within a 24 hour period. I suppose we can chalk this up to another one of my peeves. Right up there with asshats.

Boobies on a Monday Morning

March 20, 2006 | Filed under: La Madre

A few weeks ago, I was greeted with hugs and kisses from Noah wearing his “save the boobies” onsie. It’s cute and endearing and a great way to make a statement; put it on an adorable baby and people will say “awwww. Look at that, Junior thinks cancer is bad.” But whatever, they’ll pay attention.

Fast forward to 20 minutes ago. I’m sitting here minding my own business, enjoying some thai food courtesy of the lovely people at Trader Joe’s and watching Ti – it’s about as good as Ishtar – tanic, when I get an email from the madre. An email in which I’m informed via massive missive that my recently turned 40 year old Aunt, has breast cancer.

Now given the mere 20 minutes and 34 seconds that I’ve had to process this, I’ve only come to the conclusion that this sucks big hairy donkey balls. We won’t get into the fact that breast cancer is known to be passed on or that my grandmother (my mother’s mother and my aunt’s mother) has Alzheimer’s which can also be genetic, thereby rendering me completely fucked (oh yes, this will revert back to me. I am narcissist, hear me roar). No, we won’t get into that right now. For now we’ll just say fuck cancer and crap ass James Cameron movies and an obligatory: save the boobies.

The good, the bad and the ugly

March 20, 2006 | Filed under: La Madre

Or

A post in list form, because it’s Monday morning and I reserve the right to be lazy and tired on Monday mornings.

“What are we having social hour over here? She’s supposed to be being a bitch.”- Jodi, Dazed and Confused

Good. Waking up Saturday morning and deciding that I am so fucking sick of my hair that I shaved my head. Ok, that’s what I really wish could’ve happened, but I did get it braided, which in turn will cut down my getting ready time by half. It’s like the ultimate form of laziness.

Bad. Babysitting Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Ugly. Something happened on Friday that almost made me say ‘fuck blogging.’ I was pissed (and also drunk) but pretty pissed off. That is until I realized that if posting the most inane shit possible is considered news, then have at it.

Good. There is a plus side to babysitting all weekend, it’s called making bank and it’s pretty awesome. And that Blue Mercury facial was definitely needed.

Bad. Seriously man, my car is falling apart.

Ugly. I may or may not have been smoking on Sunday. I may or may not feel crappy now. I may or may not regret it later.

Good. Dazed and Confused about 47 times.

Bad. I wish I could relive the last day of high school. It was fucking awesome.

Ugly. I’m adding to my list of people and/or groups of people that would get a swift kick to the ass if I were to ever meet them. Added to the list are members of the following basketball teams: UNC, Kansas, Tennessee, and Iowa. You mother fuckers owe me $5 each, plus interest.

Happy Monday party people.