Archive for February, 2006

McPleaseStopTalking

February 28, 2006 | Filed under: La Madre

“Okay, here it is, your choice… it’s simple, her or me, and I’m sure she is really great. But Derek, I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me.”*-Meredith Grey

There are people that I sincerely just don’t like. For one reason or another, I find these individuals annoying and wouldn’t be too upset if they were to move to Kazakhstan. In fact, I’d give them a fuzzy wool hat with ear flaps to keep them warm during the cold eastern European winters. Bon Voyage amigo!

That said, someone has been irking me since last night. To the point where I’ve been thinking about how much I vehemently dislike her (Not as much as this line cutting dumbass, who doesn’t know how to count votes. But I’m not bitter.), that I feel the need to dedicate an entire post to her. Not only for my own enjoyment of kicking some anorexic looking whore while she’s down, but also because it is imperative that I find out whether or not others feel the same. Am I alone in my detest for this woman or are there others out there who feel like she should be put to death.

I suppose I should let you all in on who the culprit is: Meredith-fucking-Grey. I can’t stand her and I wish I could like her and cheer for her to get into Patrick Dempsey’s pants, but I just can’t. I mean the mere thought of she who cannot be named, lest you want me to go into a long tirade about why people should eat and be less whiney-puts me into- well- a long tirade. The thing is that I can watch those around her. Oooh the Izzy, Alex saga continues. Thankfully George doesn’t have syphilis this time! Addison has poison oak on her cooch, poor thing. And the list goes on and on. But with Meredith, well we’ll put it this way. Remember, during the Code Black episode, when the surgeon tells her that when people blow up, it’s referred to as “pink mist”? Well, I was kind of hoping that the ever anemic Dr. Grey, would turn into pink mist. I detest her.

When I’m drunk and watching her whine about her karma or some such shit, I yell at her to eat a god damn sandwich! Just like that. But with more of a shout and less of me pounding my fingers into the keyboard. Every week, I think that maybe I could learn to like her more, you know, give her a spin if you will; instead of focusing on just those around her. It never fails, that week after week, she makes me want to gouge my eyes out. So what if I tend to be made to feel that way by a lot of people. The point is that she irks me. And really she shouldn’t because, HELLO! She’s not a real person. God, this isn’t going anywhere. I mean I could spend the next 12 hours writing about how much I dislike her, but it won’t get me anywhere. She won’t just go away. And technically, if she was mysteriously kidnapped by a disgruntle former patient, never to be seen again until November sweeps, then that would kind of ruin the show. And I like the show. I need more George and Dr. Bailey in my life.

Oh and McDreamy, if you ever get sick of lusting after stringy haired women who constantly pout and only have the ability to speak in a whine or really hyper fast; then give me a call.

*That quote is one that I still make fun of. “Pick me. Love me.” Gag me.

Love.Angel.Family.Jersey: Part II

February 27, 2006 | Filed under: Fotografias

I’ve got one big motherfucking head. But who cares? Because my hair is straight and pretty and I’m pretty sure that these people attended Hogwarts at some point; because they can do some magic.

This is G (Garrett). G thinks he’s hot shit in his fancy tux. Ok. Fine. You looked good. Poor thing had to shave off that beard of his for these nuptials. Don’t worry, in about 6 more weeks, you’ll have almost that full beard you’ve always wanted.

Daphney married Ty (who has yet to be pictured). Look, she’s smiling and glowing and so happy to be married. I’m laughing. Poor poor girl has no idea what she’s just gotten herself into, but I think she may have gotten a taste of it, when I was on my 8th vodka tonic. Love me some open bar. I should also add that Daphney is Hatian and speaks French and that G may have made a few off color jokes about Hatians that involved talk of shrunken heads and eating goat. We’re such a PC family over here.

Ignore the giant man, look at the cute little boy. You totally want one of your own. Too bad, he’s mine. Ok not mine, mine, but my nephew. I also must point out that I haven’t seen him in years, and upon seeing me, he hugged my leg. This child had no clue who I was and yet he hugged me. So much for stranger danger. And duh, he has a name-which I totally forgot to tell you all-it’s Taye. As in Diggs. As in yup, he will grow up to be hot and sing selections from Rent. Awesome.

Ty (on the left) has a look that reads; ‘my mother* is fucking 45 minutes late to my wedding.’

Just a Number

February 23, 2006 | Filed under: La Madre

“Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years.”-Oscar Wilde

While on my third (or fifth, but who’s counting?) drink last night I spoke with the lovely Marci. Marci who looks like she’s 25. Marci who confessed-ok, not so much confessed as much as I’m slightly slow and didn’t realize such things, but nevertheless, ‘confessed’-that she is ten years older than I. So 22 plus 10. 2 and 0 is 2 and the 2 and 1 make, hmmm. That’s what it makes, it makes ‘hmm’ and I had the look of dire shock on my face, because holy motherfucker she’s 32. She doesn’t look like she’s 32 but I neglected to get actual proof like a birth certificate or hear it from her mother’s lips, but she’s 32.

She’ll tell you that upon hearing this that I ran away. I did not run away. What part of ‘third (or fifth…)’ didn’t you understand? I had to pee. There was also mention about me being 22 that may have been a compliment, but see the former statement and you’ll know why I probably didn’t full comprehend.

Will I be that young and fancy free when I’m in my 30’s? I always need to know what will happen later. Waiting is boring and leaves way too much time for procrastinating. Instead I’d much prefer to know now what I will look like and/or be doing in my 30’s. I know, I know; youth is wasted on the young. Bite me. Kathryn-who is 31 and once again, insert picture of HB’s jaw dropping face here-says “look what you have to look forward to”, which is true. At one point, long long ago, I had visions of being married etc. by my mid-20’s. I think the phrase we’re looking for here is and emphatic; fuck no and doubtful, very doubtful.

People say that now 30 is so young blah blah blah, but it’s not just that, it’s the fact that even though I know many in their late 20’s and early 30’s, none of them act ‘holier than thou’ or treat me like I’m 14, which is honestly what I would expect [right now would also be an excellent time to mention that there are also those that are in their late 20’s and early 30’s that are actual real life adults with children and mortgages and I feel like I could never hang out with them on a social basis because dude, you’re somebody’s mother. Moving on.] Instead they are cordial and I am treated like an adult, which HA! I’m so not even close to, but on paper apparently I am one, but whatever, we can debate the merits of my actual adult status later, back to 30 year olds who look 20, which just begs the most important question; what are you people using? Is it that La Mer shit? Or are the powers of Clinique’s three step program just that great? Oh and also, how do you manage to stay up late and get to the gym every day because really I’m ass tired right now.

Please ladies, do tell. How do you do it?

Love. Angel. Family. Jersey.: Part I*

February 22, 2006 | Filed under: La Madre

“Family is just accident…. They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.” ~Marsha Norman

So Friday went something like this: Ennui strikes (again!), realize that a certain someone is a big fat cocksucker, oh and my uncle died. My great-uncle who was BFF with my grandfather died**. Well hell. Guess where HB gets to go?? NEWARK (g-h-e-t-t-o) Ooh, lucky HB. So yeah, I’ve been chillin’ in Jersey for 24 hours sans alcohol (I also didn’t swear alllll day. Which is a biggie for me. Well, at least not until the end of American Idol when I tried to vote and couldn’t because the lines were busy. I said ’shit’).

Save me.

Anyway, I feel like I’ve been gone for like 3 weeks, but no, it was solely 24 paltry hours in which I realized that I kind of maybe sort of just a little bit, miss my family. Even despite the lack of alcohol. I even got to see Garrett, who is now sporting a beard. And it only took him a whole month to grow it. Congratulations G! You’re almost a man.

Oh, and guess where HB gets to go on Friday. Guess, guess! JERSEY. Because this is just the Best Week Ever and who doesn’t want to go to New Jersey twice in one week. But this time for my brother’s wedding. I’ve been directed, by my father, to bring a giant bottle of ye old Yellow Tail with me. So at least I’ve got that going for me.

Tonight if I can’t talk, it’s because I’m trying to get the vodka tonic to my lips as quickly as humanly possible. Like, if I can get in intravenously, then awesome. And not gonna lie, but a full two days without y’all kind of put me in withdrawal. I actually missed you! And even if you don’t realize it yet, you all missed me too.

*Part II will be after my brother’s wedding. It should be ummm…interesting…
**it really is sad though totally expected and yes I’m bummed, but too tired to be really serious.

An Epidemic

February 17, 2006 | Filed under: La Madre

Having recently received this notification from the Center for Disease Control (CDC), I thought I would share with all of you. Apparently there’s this epidemic of some sort going around and it seems pretty scary.

Atlanta, GA February 17 – Researchers at the Center for Disease Control (CDC) in Atlanta, GA, have discovered a new virus that is quickly spreading through parts of the Northeastern United States. Thus far, very little information is known about this disease, but doctors are working to figure out its causes and finding a vaccine for this fairly new strain of virus, which has been known to affect 22-32 year olds. Symptoms include heavy drinking of red wine, a desk that resembles a paper factory gone awry, and the inability to fold clean laundry and instead keep it in a fairly neatly construed pile on the floor. Those affected can also expect lack of writing ability – not that they ever possessed such ability in the first place – and general malaise through out the day. Despite the little research that has been done, doctors have found that this vicious disease can be staved off, by excessive consumption of cake and thin mint cookies, a method that the CDC is hopeful will work, until they can find a complete cure. The CDC says that it may be years before they know exactly what causes Ennuiparapsychosis (The Ennui) but until then, doctors are warning that those in the described age range with those symptoms, keep a handy supply of cake around, in order to keep this increasingly common disease at bay.

All I could think when I read this was ‘wow’. According to this article, I might have Ennuiparapsychosis. Hopefully the cake will work for me, but I’m hopeful that a three day weekend will cure this really awful and scary disease. I hope none of y’all catch it.