Archive for January, 2006

Fever

January 20, 2006 | Filed under: La Madre

“Laundry is the only thing that should be separated by color.” ~Author Unknown

“I think this year; I’m going to seriously contemplate getting a boyfriend. Not get a boyfriend, but really think hard about it”

“Well good. Does it matter if he’s white or black?”

“Nope. Just as long as he’s not a Republican. I don’t date Republicans.”

“Are you serious?”

“Dead.”

Watching Jungle Fever makes my head reel. I can find myself enjoying the occasional Spike Lee joint, but the premise of that movie makes my eyes roll so far back into my head that they hurt. I hate that movie. I’ve watched, I’ve thought about it, and I’ve come to the conclusion that it annoys the shit out of me. And really, who gives a fuck? I sure as hell don’t care, what color the future Mr. Heather B is, but if I see a “Bush/Cheney Rocks My World” bumper sticker on the back of our Mini, I’m going to flip my shit. There will be no joint memberships to the NRA. And if the man utters “Alito is my Hero” within 14 feet of me, I’ll cut his ass faster than he can say “Evil Doer”.

I’ve always been perplexed at the lists of reasons for not dating someone that people come up with and a lot of times race is on that list. Not something important like one’s stance on abortion or the over taxing of the middle class, but race. It completely boggles my mind. And of all things, why should it matter?

Morning Glory

January 19, 2006 | Filed under: La Madre

“Be pleasant until ten o’clock in the morning and the rest of the day will take care of itself.” ~Elbert Hubbard

It started off at 5:30 AM actually make that 5:20 AM when I hit the snooze. I’ve been waking at this obscene ass crack of dawn hour to go to the gym everyday this week. That is except for Saturday and Sunday when I got up at 8:30 AM. I think the word you’re looking for here is ‘motherfucker’.

I couldn’t find my bra. At 8 AM not being able to find one’s bra already blows, but at 5:30 AM, I’m as disgruntle as a postal office worker five days before christmas. Wandering around my room saying “fuck”. Bra Least favorite bra, found. Least favorite workout pants on, because the others ended up soaking wet when I decided that being outside in the rain at 6 AM was a swell idea. Hair. Oh god, my hair. At night, sometimes I twist it, so it looks less afro-y and more curly. Strange but true. Last night I did it perfectly and this morning, things were still intact. That is until I realized that I’d have to be in public with my hair in little twists all over my head. Spend 8 minutes attempting to rearrange twists and find acceptable head wear, as to not come off looking like someone’s Mamie.

So at 5:45 AM, lunch packed, gym bag, fail proof outfit (gray pants, purple cashmere sweater, white cami, fuck me boots), and my work shit, I’m out the door; with my crappy ass sports bra and yes, I do look like someone’s Mamie. Spend the 15 minute walk to the gym, swearing that if anyone looked at me funny, they’d have my foot so far up their ass, that when they opened their mouth, people would see my perfectly pedicured toes. Also think about Zach from American Idol last night. Zach who is a boy, but looked very much like a female. Laugh the rest of the way to the gym.

Best. Workout. All. Week.

Fuck yeah.

8 AM work, with fail proof outfit and perfectly formed coif and in a perfectly wonderful mood. I’m giving it until 10:15 AM when I will turn back into disgruntle post office worker Heather, who has no problem rolling her eyes and giving the finger.

I haven’t played ‘tag’ since 1998

January 18, 2006 | Filed under: La Madre

4 jobs I’ve had

Girl Scout camp counselor (kitchen and lifegaurd)
Hostess at Houlihan’s in Crossgates mall
Waitress at an assisted living facility
Hill Intern (House and Senate)

4 movies I’d watch over and over

Garden State
I Heart Huckabees
Bridget Jones’ Diary
Old School

4 place I have lived

Albany, NY
Washington, DC
Madrid, Spain
Martha’s Vineyard, MA (ok, I never actually lived there, but my mother has a house there and I didn’t have a fourth for the list, so technically I could say I live there. But then I would have to say I technically have lived in Butler, AL)

4 TV shows I love

Law & Order (the original)
Law & Order SVU
Law & Order Criminal Intent
House

4 places I’ve been on vacation

Mallorca, Spain (my mom, brother and I went to Mallorca in the spring and it was full of British people. And they couldn’t figure out why weren’t somewhere warmer, like Cozumel)
Marrakech/Fez/Casablanca, Morocco
Rome, Italy
Las Vegas, NV (I’ve been to Vegas 6 times and haven’t been back since I turned 21. Though I have drank and gambled while there, it just has never been legally)

4 favorite foods

Cheese (manchengo, brie, cabot chedder…whatever, I LOVE cheese)
Pizza
Grilled Salmon
Tortilla Espanola (I freaking love tortilla. Like I could eat it all day everyday and the thought that I can’t have it anymore ie the homemade version, kills me. Look, see dead now)

4 places I’d rather be right now

My bed
My mom’s house
Martha’s Vineyard
Madrid

4 websites I visit daily

Blogger
People
Orbitz
Bank of America (ok that’s a lie, I only check my bank account on pay days, because then it won’t look so paltry)
Gmail

4 bloggers who are now IT!

Ummm anyone else who has nothing to write about today is more than welcome to do this in my comments section or on their own blog.

*Just so y’all know, this is my first tag. And finally I feel like I’m bloved…

Love and Happiness

January 17, 2006 | Filed under: La Madre

“The trouble with most people is that they think with their hopes or fears or wishes rather than with their minds.” ~Will Durant

Not that it’s ever happened, but I am afraid of not getting something that I really want. This leads to me spending days or weeks, acting like a freak with a shit eating grin on my face, attempting to hide my excitement over some news. I’m afraid that if I share the news, then it won’t happen. Something will inevitably go wrong. Thus that has been my stance on marriage and children. As a child, I proudly proclaimed that I wanted to have children and get married and my future daughters (it was always a girl) had names as well. Then at some point I stopped speaking of it and when the subject came up, I was quick to say that I neither wanted to get married or have children. I always used my parents divorce as an excuse and not being married automatically meant no children.

The thing is, that despite my proclamations on the former, I have planned out when and where I would have my wedding and my children have names and I know how I would like them to come into this world or rather into my life. I’d rather be safe than sorry, you know, if it ever happens. Or as I have put it, ‘If I accidentally get pregnant, I want to be prepared’. I know where my children will go to school if I live in DC and if we end up in Northern Virginia or Maryland, then there are schools picked out there as well. Sometimes I truly believe and prepare myself for having a child alone. And to be honest, I’d be totally on board with the whole thing.

Then something, I’m not sure what, but something hits me and suddenly I think that I really don’t want to be alone. I don’t want it to be an ‘if’ I want it to be a ‘when’. As in, when I get married, xyz will happen. The fact that I don’t date doesn’t hamper my occasional, now nagging thoughts, it just makes me think about it more. This in turn makes me feel like an uber- girly girl who spends days planning her wedding and the house with the white picket fence, just because she wants to get married. I don’t want to get married for the sake of getting married. I’ve been asked why I wouldn’t want to get married. I’ve done a lot with my life, so why not share it with someone else. I want to get married because it’s true, I want someone to share my life with. I want someone who will enjoy me being me and is interested, if not whole heartedly, but open to things that I enjoy doing. And I want for him to introduce me to new things as well. But to reiterate I just want someone to share things with and that makes me happy.

There, I’ve said it. I’ve admitted to myself that I want to get married and have children. And now I will go off in fear that it won’t happen. But then again I am 22 and this all could be part of my quarter life crisis. Why can’t it be like a mid life crisis for males? A new car and a mistress? Why do I contemplate men and babies instead of the color of my corvette? Why do I overanalyze and make things so hard? Why am I so afraid to say things out loud?

Everyone say ‘What Up’ to Pam…

January 17, 2006 | Filed under: La Madre

subtitled: Babyjewels may hate you, but she looooves me; sucka!

Edit to Add: Thought for the day…

Does anyone else get their W2s back and see how much they’ve made for the year. Then sit back and think “huh, so where did that many many thousand dollars go???” Then, sit there frustrated and remember the $85 spent at MAC and the fact that going to Trader Joe’s three times a week, might be a serious problem oh and the random trips to Whole Foods and the very necessary gym membership. When I have this problem, I quietly bang my head on the desk thinking how I must learn to budget. Hello, My name is Heather B and I am a dumbass who spends way too much on groceries and make up.

HOLY motherfucker.

I went into a 10 AM meeting and when I got out, this was here.

It’s so pretty and lovely and Pam Greer is even on it. And I LOVE IT.

So everyone can come and look and tell me how awesome the new design is and then go over and thank the very awesome BabyJewels for doing this for me. Seriously, it’s hard not to love someone who enjoys toilet humor and can do this.

And it also keeps me from having to write anything substantial today, because no one will give a shit what I write they’ll just be too busy thinking about how AWESOME my new blog is.