Guess who wants Typepad for Mother’s Day

May 8, 2008 | Filed under: Blogology, La Madre

And my friend Susan from Oklahoma is no longer my friend Susan from Oklahoma. She’s now that woman who dared to remotely think about reading the blog my mother will never ever start so long as I live. So help me God. Amen.

Warning: Car buying makes me loopy, incoherent and more annoying than usual

May 6, 2008 | Filed under: Humdrum

“Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment.” ~Iara Gassen

My brain has been a constant loop of Subaru, Subaru, Subaru, Subaru, Toyota, Volvo, Subaru, Subaru, Subaru ooooh MERCURY. Which means that my level of interesting is on par with a shady, balding, car salesman with visible hair plugs and a polyester plaid jacket, who says shit like “Just call me Chuck” while running his hands through his greasy, faux hair and kicking the tires of the Mariners to prove that yes indeed! They are sturdy!

Meanwhile my car is on par with your average POS vehicle yet not nearly as horrific as my very first car; a 1993 Plymouth Voyager (ooooh BABY!). The Mom Mobile is currently residing on Martha’s Vineyard where it’s about to be given away. I’ve been contemplating a trip out to the Cape to give the minivan one last hug and kiss and to remember the good times. Like the time I went to Las Vegas and entrusted it to LB (Hi LB! I love you!). Only to return to find the transmission was shot and the hood was busted, LB was on her way to Namibia and I was livid. Heed my words, when I am livid and you are in my direct line of fire, the best idea ever would be to run away very, very quickly to southwest Africa. In fact I’d buy you a ticket to allow you to have a head start. You’re welcome.

The last expensive thing I purchased was my camera and since I sleep with it every night while touching it lovingly and whispering sweet nothings into its ear, I’m just a little on the nervous side about buying something so very big that I cannot keep my eye on at all times. Like I’m supposed to spend a very large amount of money on something and just leave it outside. In the elements. Where people can breathe on it and birds can shit on it. Are you fucking kidding me? Not to mention that camera choosing took about 367 days of eyeing and visiting and critiquing. Of course doing this only to change my mind about 300 days in and continuing with the process. So! Car purchasing has been about as thrilling as a jackhammer to the torso. From now on I’m thinking about walking everywhere.

What else…oh yes, I’m doing a little borough hopping tomorrow, which means being very strategic while walking through midtown Manhattan and trying to avoid tripping tourists. This will be my second to last trip to the city and after that I have no intentions of going back until Saks has sparkly, cherubic angels singing Carol of the Bells in the windows and the streets are covered in snow. That would be about December. At this point December 2010. Unless of course someone offers up free vodka, dresses with pockets and pedicures. Then I’ll go back.

This was like 567 words more than I ever intended it to be and I will now I apologize for my loquacious ways. It’s never nice to talk and talk and talk while someone else is thinking, “Shut the hell up already”. But oh! Speaking of test-driving (like seven paragraphs back), remind me to tell you the story about the car salesman and the 20-year-old college student who was just looking for a Nissan. She was not looking for a Sunday afternoon booty call or marriage. Just in case she needed to make that clear in the terms of her auto loan.

Brotherly Love

May 5, 2008 | Filed under: Planes trains and automobiles, Whoopdie Doo

“You can fall in love at first sight with a place as with a person.” ~Alec Waugh

After every other step I took in Philadelphia this weekend, I would stop, look around and declare my undying love for the city. There was a brief moment while at Lori’s when I started to suggest that maybe she should get a roommate. And that roommate should be me. Lest one think that I’m destined to live in suburban upstate NY for the rest of my life, you would be wrong and/or high. Philly is the size of DC but lacks the job factor and the oppressing heat and humidity come in July. It’s that type of humidity that you step into and you can feel it surrounding as it asphyxiates. As you are choking on every last word, the humidity is making you its bitch.

Someone recently asked which of the cities I’ve visited would I actually live in. DC, San Francisco, Chicago, Madrid, Brussels and Atlanta made the cut. The thought of living in Manhattan with several million other people all up in my personal space and breathing my air makes me violent. Philly wasn’t even on the list and had been shamefully forgotten until walking around yesterday afternoon. But the part that really drew me in, the part where I realize that I’m slowly turning into an actual adult that takes cost of living very seriously; was when I got my check after spending Saturday night out where I had more Grey Goose and sodas than I care to remember, two shots of patron silver and a giant ass plate of pizza tater tots (that last part is proof that there is a God) and my bill came out to like 13 dollars and some change. Love means never having to say you’re sorry. It also means being able to buy four drinks with a five dollar bill.

And now I get to tell people the story of that time I made out with Philadelphia.

In My Dreams

May 2, 2008 | Filed under: Fotografias, Great moments in narcissism, Humdrum

“Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.”  ~William Dement

Metalia was on a very important conference call this morning, during which she decided to make my dreams come true. In friendship, it’s important to have a friend who knows your flaws and yet loves you just the same. Which means that all you people about to tell me how Eli Manning is a pussy ass cry baby, can suck it and I probably didn’t like you that much in the first place.

I’m about to forward this photo along to my father who thinks that Archie Manning (and spawn) should be shoved into the Mississippi River. So when he finally disowns me, he’ll have real evidence. Something a little more tangible than his refusal to get over that one time I peed in the back of his Volvo.

Happy Weekend, y’all.

Simple things

April 30, 2008 | Filed under: Blogology, Fotografias

“Don’t let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it.  The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use.”  ~Earl Nightingale

Good things have happened over the last few days. It’s usually the little things that add up to overwhelm and suffocate me, this time it has been moving past the bad to find the good. Even in it’s simplest form, things can be good. What’s hard is wading through the bad to get to it.

It’s there. I promise. You just have to do a bit of digging. And if your nails get dirty, don’t worry, that’s what a good manicure is for.